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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#421

Post by pimlottc »

Stratoscope wrote: post #403
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

I have a couple of tricks that get people to talk to me . Well, they're not really tricks, just things I do anyway. One is that I wear an aloha shirt every day, and I shop at Trader Joe's. Quite often someone thinks I work there and asks me where to find something. I usually know where things are, and if I don't, I find them someone who actually does work there. One time the guy restocking the freezer said, "Nice alo…

I think an important parts of this is that "talking to someone" doesn't have to mean a long drawn-out conversation. Even just a few words back and forth is meaningful.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#422

Post by notepad0x90 »

b40d-48b2-979e wrote: post #369
notepad0x90 wrote: post #365

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> People are lovely. Go out and try it. I hope this is not an inappropriate question, but are you by any chance fit and/or attractive? I've heard that and being well dressed affects your experience with people a lot. For me it's a mix, the majority at least try to be decent and pleasant, no argument there. But as with many other things, the minority who aren't tend to have a much bigger impact. Honestly, I'd take jus…

I'd take just being safe from violence from people You might want to adjust your media diet because society often isn't just randomly violent.

I wish it was just media. And it's certainly not random, I wouldn't expect violence in a decent neighborhood. But I would on the subway in NYC for example (depends on the line too I guess). And by violence I don't mean necessarily assault, but anything that involves the cops, getting arrested, etc.. or certain forms of mistreatment (even though it's a stretch to call them violence).

I mentioned attractiveness because when I dress up nice and lose weight, it's a wildly different world. When that isn't the case I'd say at least 60% of my interactions with people is negative. Out of that I'd say maybe 2% is extreme enough to be considered violence in my view.

I'll say this though, I didn't mean we should avoid interaction or being nice to each other in the off chance people are unpleasant or unkind. I'm just saying, don't go into it with that expectation unless you're pleasant to look at yourself.

Some people, especially as they grow old (and especially women unfortunately), see a remarkable decline in how they're treated, and that in turn causes them to be jaded towards people. If you don't tie how people respond to you to how you treat them to begin with (It's huge struggle for me, not preaching here), it's less of a bitter pill.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#423

Post by hiAndrewQuinn »

caditinpiscinam wrote: post #219
cal_dent wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you're wrong personally. I'm very far away from being "an older British lady" and agree a lot with the article. Honestly, in the least combative & confrontational possible, your thoughts there are just an excuse to not reach out and engage with the rest of your world. It's a little sad (not you, the situation itself) because if more people had that same thought, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy with no o…

I agree that it's a sad state of affairs, and a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe I can explain my perspective in a little more detail. In my typical day at work (teacher), I spend hours talking with dozens of people. A large part of why I chose this work was to escape the isolation that I felt previously when I was doing remote software work. I attend weekly religious services and make an effort to stay for the social…

>First, there is no such thing as a [socially] successful person who has never ever creeped anyone out. Give yourself permission to be creepy. I am not saying that you should go around trying to creep people out; of course, if you know something is going to scare someone, you shouldn’t do it; it is best that one avoid becoming Harvey Weinstein. But miscommunications, awkwardness, and misunderstandings happen. Sometimes people make mistakes. You are not going to become Harvey Weinstein by accident. Most people have interacted with someone who has creeped them out at some point, and it does not exactly cause lifelong damage. And while there can be some negative consequences, particularly of creeping people out at work, if you ask [about] a random stranger['s day] at a bookstore or something and they’re creeped out, you know what will happen? Absolutely nothing. The [social] police will not come lock you up for creepiness in the third degree.

Lightly adapted from [1], which is actually the best article online about how to find love and date.

[1] https://thingofthings.wordpress.com/2018/05/25/models-a-summ...

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#424

Post by notepad0x90 »

wussboy wrote: post #383
b40d-48b2-979e wrote: post #369

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd take just being safe from violence from people You might want to adjust your media diet because society often isn't just randomly violent.

I agree. 95% of violence is committed by men aged 15-25. If you wanted to be extra sure, just avoid that very specific group. But in general, minute by minute, nobody wants to be violent.

But then I'd be prejudiced. Stereotypes exist because they have a certain good degree of accuracy, but that doesn't make them right. For the sake of that one person in that group that didn't do anything wrong, I have to try and be fair to the whole group.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#426

Post by maplant »

cykros wrote: post #395

I've talked to random people. Most of them are unbearably boring, and they need to resort to alcohol and professional sports just to have anything to talk about in the first place. Bring up ECDSA and suddenly you may as well have just beamed down from a spaceship.

Talk about Poe's law.

I know what ECDSA is and if you brought it up in a random conversation unprompted I'd try to find your spaceship so I could escape the conversation on it.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#427

Post by maplant »

tumdum_ wrote: post #28

We are living in a dictatorship of extroverts, who go out of their way (what a suprprise) to tell us that their ways are obviously better.

A dictatorship? Are you being forced at gunpoint to talk to people?

Perhaps more unsurprisingly, at the mere suggestion that socializing is good for you (it demonstrably is https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11403199/), you went and wrote a comment that I can only imagine someone who is deeply unhappy would write.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#428

Post by criddell »

inanutshellus wrote: post #384
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

The "Helping You Not Become Your Parents" commercials (from some insurance company I think) make me sad. They're basically making fun of people for trying to connect. I'm in a spot where I don't really bump into strangers much but, as a recovering introvert I've tried to talk to people like this and it feels AMAZING. Like... irrational levels of amazing vibes. It's so frustrating seeing my own kids be horrified by it…

> They're basically making fun of people for trying to connect.

I had the same thought. The clueless people turning into their parents are charming and genuine. The life coach guy is kind of a dick.

Reminds me of Apple's "I'm a PC, And I'm a Mac" ads from Apple. I always understood the point they were trying to make, but the PC character was so much more likable than the Mac.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#429

Post by vibedev »

cykros wrote: post #395

I've talked to random people. Most of them are unbearably boring, and they need to resort to alcohol and professional sports just to have anything to talk about in the first place. Bring up ECDSA and suddenly you may as well have just beamed down from a spaceship.

Would making it less random works? Like declaring your preferred topic or at least screen your audience based on their drinking habits.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#430

Post by NoSalt »

> "As we walked home, my 15-year-old son asked: “Is it OK to talk to people in that way?” “What way?” He was asking about the boundaries when it comes to talking to someone about their home country."

My 13 year old is the opposite. He is always telling me that I talk too much to "strangers" and that "people don't to that". I'm assuming he means his peers.

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