Please note I never claimed it was. I believe as you do that language is important. That includes choosing language I think will accomplish my goals, which is to encourage people to reflect and think about the issue. I don't think using language like "fucking disgusting" and "transphobic" are likely to convince the people you hope to reach to do anything other than get defensive and dig in. Do you?
And Hacker News will downvote tone and civility, regardless of the opinion. It's very easy to see that as an attack when it's happening to you. I see the same behavior on all sides of issues. When I find myself getting particularly heated, I find it better to refrain from commenting at all, not because I'm afraid of getting downvoted, but because I know it's not going to lead to any useful discussion.