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Common templates to help you say “no”

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Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#41

Post by dredmorbius »

jerf wrote: post #23
jameslk wrote: post #20

A lesson I learned from a sales friend of mine (often the hard way): if you really want to say no, don't give reasons why you're saying no. Just simply say "no, sorry" Once you start giving your reasoning, the other side can negotiate a compromise or attempt to persuade you into thinking your no is a bad idea. The more information you provide, the more they can use it against you. If you don't have time for that, jus…

You also have to watch for the attempt to extract a reason from you. Sometimes it'll be a bald "why not?" but sometimes it's more subtle like "Oh, spending more time with the family, huh?" trying to leave you socially obligated to affirm, deny, or correct it. I find a very neutral "mmmm" to be a pretty good disengagement; you clearly heard them, but it doesn't affirm, deny, correct, or really leave any opening for th…

I'm increasingly prone to "none of your f------ business", though usually only at the 2nd or subsequent query repeat.

Prying is socially hostile and should be responded to as such.

In certain cases of ongoing, and contentious, relationships, sooner.

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#42

Post by antibland »

If anyone knows how to deftly bow out of a forced company outing, I'd love to know your method. Last time I tried to get out of one of these things, I informed one of the owners I had too much to do and needed to spend the day catching up on work.

She was furious and told me I was "damaging the culture."

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#43

Post by wmeredith »

al_chemist wrote: post #37
mds wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I took a communication class many years ago and this was the main thing I took away from it. If you give a reason or an excuse the other person will try to help you "solve" it. If you give a simple "no, sorry" or "no, thanks" there's nothing for them to latch onto or argue with. Realize that the other person is free to ask anything they want, but just the act of them asking doesn't create any obligation on your part.…

You took communication class and main thing you got out of it was how to not to communicate? It's like going to knife-fighting class to learn how to win every knife fight and receive "buy a gun" advice. Yes, it works. But it's not really a knife-fighting skill, is it?

This is a hilarious example because knife fighting “skill” is Hollywood BS. Any sort of close quarters combat instruction will nearly always focus on getting out of any altercation involving knives.

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#44

Post by RMPR »

daxterspeed wrote: post #13

I'm not a huge fan of template e-mails, if you're just gonna do an automatic response then make that obvious from the start. However I do see how these can be useful as a reference point, I especially like the templates/examples that have a little story behind them. Saying no "like a pro" isn't about the exact phrasing, but knowing that you can and often should say no.

Template emails are the worst yeah.

Re: Common templates to help you say “no”

#45

Post by brokenmachine »

antibland wrote: post #42

If anyone knows how to deftly bow out of a forced company outing, I'd love to know your method. Last time I tried to get out of one of these things, I informed one of the owners I had too much to do and needed to spend the day catching up on work. She was furious and told me I was "damaging the culture."

Sounds like a culture worthy of damage.
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