How to get kids to pay attention • Hacker News Board

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#41

Post by oblio » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:07 PM UTC

hutzlibu wrote: post #33

maltalex wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I often wonder what civilization would be like if adults asked the same question to themselves and then lead a life where they focused on that instead of being pressured into "making a living". I imagine we'd have an abundance of pilots, and actors and a severe lack of toilet cleaners.

"and a severe lack of toilet cleaners." not a problem because we probably would have selfcleaning toilets by then by default.

Toilets built by the underemployed pilots and actors? :)

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#42

Post by Forge36 » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:08 PM UTC

watwut wrote: post #34

jankotek wrote: post #24

> The other kid was told to wait. > One little boy started making explosive noises, pretending a toy on the table was a bomb Hm, perhaps some Ritalin could fix this? Perfectly normal behavior; little boy waits and plays small games to pass time. Incompetent teachers blame kids and "fix the problem".

Depends on age whether normal. For 5 years old, yes. For 8 years old, absolutely no. Normal 8 years old should be able to wait two minutes without being disruptive when teacher is focused on somebody else. The kids who can't should absolutely get special help and assistance. However, if the healthy kid can't, then the solution is not to excuse it, but rather teach them patience and less egoism.

But what's the range? Maturity isn't a hard line

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#43

Post by tomohawk » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:09 PM UTC

This is pretty much how I was raised in a small midwestern farming community. I was in charge of the laundry by the time I was 6, and the lawn when I was 8 or 9, and summers were pretty much filled with activities that my friends and I could organize.

Moving to the burbs where play was organized sports and kids had everything done for them was a really big shock.

It was hard to believe how inept at life most of my peers were when I went off to University. They only things they knew were what was on tv or from school.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#44

Post by DanBC » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:09 PM UTC

hutzlibu wrote: post #33

maltalex wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I often wonder what civilization would be like if adults asked the same question to themselves and then lead a life where they focused on that instead of being pressured into "making a living". I imagine we'd have an abundance of pilots, and actors and a severe lack of toilet cleaners.

"and a severe lack of toilet cleaners." not a problem because we probably would have selfcleaning toilets by then by default.

We already have some for public loos.

They're somewhat terrifying cubicles. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Fw9hxMCBdU

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#45

Post by colecut » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:10 PM UTC

wolco wrote: post #27

colecut wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Out of curiosity, what were your feelings like towards your dad at this time? Was there a lot of fear around him? Did you "like" him?

Raising a child and being liked are two different agendas and at times are at odds. Best advice don't be your child's friend be parent plenty of peers who can be friends but none that can be parents.

I have an 8 year old son, and I think I do a pretty good job of being stern / enforcing rules while also ensuring him that he is liked and loved.. There is definitely a balance in there, "not being his friend" I think is too far to one side... I just don't let being his friend prevent me from holding him to a certain expectation.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#46

Post by Izkata » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:11 PM UTC

seibelj wrote: post #11

My father was short tempered, very loud, and an unusually large man in stature and presence. Additionally he worked nights, got a couple hours of sleep, and then woke up and took care of my brother and I for breakfast / school before sleeping more. He was not someone to mess with in general, let alone at 630am on a Tuesday. I think the threat of being screamed at and intimidated made my brother and I two of the most…

> And the view of children as mini adults who could be useful, if properly trained, has been the default parenting style for thousands of years.

I remember reading a theory, long ago, that the absence of this is the entire source of teenage rebellion. Like the children from Guatemala in this article, it also said that this phenomenon pretty much only exists in "westernized" countries.

Basically, the theory is that puberty is when our bodies start telling us we're adults and need to take more responsibility/control, but society doesn't let us. So to find ways to take control, teenagers start doing things they're typically not allowed to do.

I'm in your camp: I never really understood why others did what they did, but fitting the theory, my parents did steadily treat my and my brothers more like adults as we grew up, instead of like kids most of the time.

One suggestion from their parenting style, that's apparently rare based on what my friends said:

Never give your kids an allowance. Once we were old enough, they started paying us for more chores/responsibilities; I got $5 for vacuuming the house once a week, my brothers each got $5 for mowing the lawn (usually split between inside and outside the backyard). Additional $1 for loading/unloading the dishwasher. Stuff like that. It doubled as giving us an inherent understanding of money long before we needed to work, rather than just giving us more responsibilities as suggested in the article.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#47

Post by mhb » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:12 PM UTC

nickjj wrote: post #5

What's really interesting to me is this same thing can be applied to adults too. The article writes: > For starters, he says, ask your kid this question: 'What would you do if you didn't have to do anything else?' I often wonder what civilization would be like if adults asked the same question to themselves and then lead a life where they focused on that instead of being pressured into "making a living".

Is this really so hard to figure out? Very few people would do things which are useful to keep civilization running if they have a choice. Look at what people do with their leisure time - watch commercial TV, play video games, look at nonsense on Facebook. It wouldn't be pretty.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#48

Post by colecut » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:14 PM UTC

seibelj wrote: post #22

colecut wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Out of curiosity, what were your feelings like towards your dad at this time? Was there a lot of fear around him? Did you "like" him?

My parents divorced when I was 10, and now my dad is married to his third wife. Age has mellowed him and his third wife has whipped him into a more submissive role, which was a good change in his personality. I don’t hate my dad, he is a flawed man but I love him. We both like NFL, boxing, and movies so we talk a lot about that. My brother is mostly estranged from my dad and they talk rarely, but we all do get togeth…

This reminds me a lot of my dad growing up. He was very stern, the disciplinarian, he divorced my mom when I was 11.. We have the best relationship we've ever had now, but as a child I was thankful he moved away.

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#49

Post by rconti » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:15 PM UTC

maltalex wrote: post #4

> For starters, he says, ask your kid this question: 'What would you do if you didn't have to do anything else?' In the western world the answer to that question is often some addictive activity such as playing video games, or watching videos on youtube.

You mean, the things parents allow their kids to do in lieu of being able to actually go outside and do things on their own, without having to ask a parent to taxi them around or something?

Re: How to get kids to pay attention

#50

Post by subjectsigma » Sun, Jul 01, 2018, 5:16 PM UTC

seibelj wrote: post #11

My father was short tempered, very loud, and an unusually large man in stature and presence. Additionally he worked nights, got a couple hours of sleep, and then woke up and took care of my brother and I for breakfast / school before sleeping more. He was not someone to mess with in general, let alone at 630am on a Tuesday. I think the threat of being screamed at and intimidated made my brother and I two of the most…

Another anecdote people might not like: Sunday school was an amazing form of early-childhood education for me. Some of my first experiences with music, art, and reading were in Sunday school. It taught me to love drawing and singing which I still like to this day. We were taught to obey our parents or go to Hell, to pay attention or go to Hell, to share and be kind and to empathize... or go to Hell... Which everyone of course realizes the implications of, even at very young ages.

I once had a very interesting conversation with a high school teacher of mine who taught very high-level math. Speaking only of his students who were in honors courses, he said that there was a clear divide between students from religious homes and students from secular ones. The religious ones were much more diligent and willing to learn. The non-religious ones may have been smart but were sometimes unmotivated or couldn't handle the rigorous pace of work. The religion itself didn't matter - we had Hindu, Christian, and Jewish kids in the class, maybe one Muslim but I don't remember. He himself was a Christian so maybe he was biased, but I believe it.