41–50 of 57 posts
When I was first on IH, I proposed having a meetup in NYC, and a bunch of us made it happen. Perl programmers have had perlmonger groups that would get together for years as would computer hobbyists.
Three conditions have been found to be necessary to make close friends. After learning about this, I found it to be true in my own life. I spent a good amount of time researching how to make friends before I moved to a new city in 2010. Would be happy to share what I've learned if anyone is interested. "As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s ha…
Of course, please share your experiences.
It’s strange there’s no service to aid in this process, or maybe there is and I haven’t seen it? Meetup has become to much work to sort our sellers. Tinder for plain ol’ friends you are not trying to date or sell something to, but might have things in common with? The one thing that messes it up for me is a few people I have known a long time who turned out to be lifelong best friends yet I have almost nothing in com…
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> a few people I have known a long time who turned out to be lifelong best friends I help moderate a local subreddit dedicated to local meetups, and I see this a lot - people are looking for best friends , and I think this is a mistake for two reasons: 1. You don't need all the people you regularly socialize with to be best friends. It's okay to have people you see often with whom you're not super-intimately connecte…
> Seeking deep relations exclusively is a mistake Could you elaborate on this, please?
If you approach every potential friendship with your sights set on making a best friend for life, you'll inevitably be disappointed, repeatedly - because not every pair of people can strike up a relationship like that.
Those relationships also take a fair amount of work and energy - they have to be maintained, and sometimes you don't actually need to put in that much work to get what you want out of a friendship. Sometimes you just need someone to shoot the shit with, and it's perfectly fine to do that with someone who's just a casual acquataince.
Sorry if that doesn't make sense, I'm really tired todya.
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Of course, please share your experiences.
+1
I didn't want to be sitting in an apartment by myself all the time so I did a lot of research on how to make friends before moving.
I found the study from my previous post was a good start. I decided I needed to be in area of the city where a lot of people my age with similar backgrounds lived based on the proximity factor.
I also decided I needed roommates based on all three factors. I ended up moving into an apartment with two roommates who seemed nice when I met them.
After living together three months, my roommates and I were consistently hanging out inside the apartment and doing activities outside the apartment.
After six months, I would say we were friends.
I became friends with another person my age down the hall from our apartment. I happened to see him go into his apartment a couple of times previously. I knocked on his door and introduced myself. Fortunately, we had similar interests, hung out again and again, and became friends over time.
I repeated that with another person across the hall who one of my roommates had already become friends with. I also ended up meeting my fiancée on the elevator in my apartment after I mentioned the weather to her.
From my two roommates, the two people living in apartments nearby, my new girlfriend at the time, along with a person I met at my work orientation who lived nearby, I was introduced to probably over a hundred other people. Some of whom I became friends with. And I'm excluding other friends I made at work, through activities, and social gatherings etc.
By 2017, when I left the city, I had a close circle of maybe ten good friends, and an extended circle of thirty friends. It ended up working out well.
From the research I did and my own personal experience, I don't completely agree with the rest of the advice from the comments. I've seen similar comments on other forums before.
If there is more interest in what I've learned, I can continue. Any specific or personal questions, please email me (in profile).
I’d like to be better at this. My wife and I are moving from North Carolina to Sweden soon and we’re both very introverted.
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+1
Sure, here's a short version of my own story. In 2010, I moved to a new city knowing one person previously from college. We weren't close though. I didn't want to be sitting in an apartment by myself all the time so I did a lot of research on how to make friends before moving. I found the study from my previous post was a good start. I decided I needed to be in area of the city where a lot of people my age with simil…