I have considered suicide for the past 30 years. I tried very hard to build a life in the confines of whatever limitations I've been given and/or created for myself. I determine that the nature of humanity is to seek power. This study reminds me of why this world is total bullshit. I've notified to be part of this world anymore. I'm connected into this universe more than I ever have been. There is a black hole awaiti…
I've mentioned this in a few comments, but Kratom is a substance that has given me a taste of what it's like to turn-off all the clutter in my head and see the world the way people without anxiety see it. It can be dangerous to do too much but it has given me a glimmer as to how "normal" people see things - and something to strive toward through meditation or exercise. You will never be able to turn off the anxious or depressed parts of your neurology and to be honest they really do dumb you/us (people like me) down but trying the substance has given me the contrast to realize life doesn't have to feel that way. The truth is there is no known "nature to humanity", you are simply assigning one. We live and then die. I have thought a lot about what "power" even "is" and when you break it down it's really just the ability to do something unique that others are willing to confer their attention or some other currency to and much of it is based on deeply ingrained assumptions, some of these assumptions are fluctuating and some are constant. If you are worried that humans just want to control everything and will eventually destroy the world you are probably right - but even if we didn't, the earth still won't last forever. One of the ways to deal with anxiety and depression is just to learn to let it go and be fascinated by the moment.