Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work • Hacker News Board

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#41

Post by dominotw » Wed, Nov 02, 2016, 9:10 PM UTC

BeetleB wrote: post #37

dominotw wrote: post #5

Is it really gratitude if you cultivate it? Can you really become mindful/thankful/x via pure practice? If it makes sense and is logical why can't you instantly become thankful, why do you practice? I see ton's of people in daily life who have cultivated modesty (eg: politicians, ceo's ect) . It is so obvious that its fake, why do ppl do this?

>Is it really gratitude if you cultivate it? Can you really become mindful/thankful/x via pure practice? Yes (if done well) and yes. >If it makes sense and is logical why can't you instantly become thankful, why do you practice? For all the same reasons that other things that make sense and are logical do not instantly transform you. Various studying habits make sense and are logical. Knowing them does not instantly…

>Same with eating habits.

bad food is more appealing to eat. Is there something more appealing about not being grateful? probably. In which case constantly beating yourself is over doing the right thing as the article suggests is not going to work.

Same reason most diets don't work. you mind cannot deal with constant conflict all day, you have to understand and resolve the conflict, not chastise yourself all day.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#42

Post by lostcolony » Wed, Nov 02, 2016, 9:53 PM UTC

buckbova wrote: post #27

> people are less likely to feel or express gratitude at work than anyplace else. And they’re not thankful for their current jobs, ranking them dead last in a list of things they’re grateful for. First off I don't want to be thanked or praised, I want to be PAID. If I do a great job give me more money, a day off, or something tangible. I don't want a non-monetary gift either. I have a drawer full of work trophies. It…

You're pretty close here.

I've been at places where there was no thanks, no money, no nothing, but I was empowered and left alone enough to get things done. That was okay, but it still felt a little thankless (obviously).

I have been at places where there was little empowerment, but where there was monetary rewarding of people who somehow still managed to achieve things by working outside of the box. That was even worse; they recognized we did a good job, but didn't actually translate that to "let them be empowered to make decisions".

People aren't dumb. They can tell when they're actually appreciated. It's a combination of things. If an employer truly respects and appreciates an employee, the employee knows they will respond with verbal thanks, some sort of gift or reward (often limited by corporate, but could be something as simple as buying lunch, if that's an infrequent thing), and look to empower the employee further to continue their good work. Dropping the ball on any of these will leave it feeling disingenuous.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#43

Post by roflc0ptic » Wed, Nov 02, 2016, 10:06 PM UTC

Mz wrote: post #35

roflc0ptic wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm moving towards a lead dev role, running a small group (3 other devs). I always try to thank people, and include enough specific detail that it's plausible. One dev, fresh to a problem, recently identified a place where if we used a multi-map instead of a map, it would solve problems that had plagued us for months. My response was "Fuck yeah, we've been trying to figure out how to work around that for months. Good…

My response was "Fuck yeah, we've been trying to figure out how to work around that for months. Good catch." I praised another dev who just joined for getting a whole lot more done in her first two weeks than I expected. Entirely new language and tech stack on a sophisticated application. It's impressive. I said so. Your anecdotes are not about thanking people or expressing gratitude. I kind of agree with both you an…

That is an interesting point. I had not made that distinction, and didn't really realize that was my MO. Maybe there's a rule to be conjectured there about praising actions instead of people.

Insightful. Good job :)

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#44

Post by maxxxxx » Wed, Nov 02, 2016, 10:19 PM UTC

pjlegato wrote: post #28

buckbova wrote: post #27

> people are less likely to feel or express gratitude at work than anyplace else. And they’re not thankful for their current jobs, ranking them dead last in a list of things they’re grateful for. First off I don't want to be thanked or praised, I want to be PAID. If I do a great job give me more money, a day off, or something tangible. I don't want a non-monetary gift either. I have a drawer full of work trophies. It…

Indeed, you have summed up a huge problem with SF area culture: many people think that these fake-nice platitudes are meaningful, and also use them against others on a large scale in their daily life as a form of pervasive emotional manipulation -- often to avoid paying someone money.

Honesty is the key. If you can fake it you are golden.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#45

Post by somestag » Thu, Nov 03, 2016, 3:06 AM UTC

unFou wrote: post #38

somestag wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Call it "teaching," "training," "learning," "conditioning," or whatever else you like, but it seems pretty self-evident that people change how they think and feel based on their experiences. Some of those experiences involve acting a certain way and seeing how others react. Think about it the other way—in terms of negative emotions. A person with anger problems might practice suppressing blowups and taking a moment t…

Just curious about your reasoning behind the last statement, that with "public discourse [you'd] take fake expressions of gratitude over genuine expressions of contempt any day of the week". If they were to openly express their contempt, then I know where they stand, and adjust my actions accordingly. If they fake expressions of gratitude, I can't be sure what their feelings actually are. Are they having a bad day, a…

I put a lot of stock in the power of discourse. When a person publicly expresses their hatred or contempt, they always raise the levels of hatred and contempt in the listeners--those that agree with them are emboldened, and those that disagree are aggravated. Creating a more hateful society is so negative (in my opinion) that it outweighs the benefits of the honesty.

I think the strongest case against my stance is the politicians, since we need to "know" them in order to be informed as voters. Except politicians are actively campaigning, so it's impossible to know whether a politician is expressing those views because they actually believe them or just because they think it's good strategy. Therefore, when it comes to politicians, I judge them more on what they've done in the past, and I consider their public statements mostly on their tone than on their content, because it probably reflects the tone they'll continue to take once they're in office. Hypothetically, if I could instantly detect the truth in a politician's statement, maybe the information benefit would outweigh, but since I need to assume that I don't know the full story no matter what they say, I'd prefer they be kind than mean.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#46

Post by madaxe_again » Thu, Nov 03, 2016, 8:37 AM UTC

BeetleB wrote: post #36

madaxe_again wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I thank everyone for everything they do for me - not because I should but because I'm genuinely grateful whenever someone does what was requested of them. I've not found that it's something that's repaid. If anything, folks are more motivated by the guy who shouts at them and never thanks them, because they want his impossible to win approval. The thankful person gets ignored. There's probably a happy medium to be ha…

I think you're being downvoted a little too harshly. My comment to your experiences: I've been in your shoes. The solution was not to become cynical, but merely to find a better work environment. When I was leaving my old job, the refrain from my peers was: "You're just running away. You'll face these problems in all jobs." Never been happier that others were wrong.

I suppose I should thank people because I should, not because I want to.