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Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

greatergood.berkeley.edu

31–40 of 46 posts

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#31

> people are less likely to feel or express gratitude at work than anyplace else. And they’re not thankful for their current jobs, ranking them dead last in a list of things they’re grateful for. First off I don't want to be thanked or praised, I want to be PAID. If I do a great job give me more money, a day off, or something tangible. I don't want a non-monetary gift either. I have a drawer full of work trophies. It…

I'm moving towards a lead dev role, running a small group (3 other devs). I always try to thank people, and include enough specific detail that it's plausible. One dev, fresh to a problem, recently identified a place where if we used a multi-map instead of a map, it would solve problems that had plagued us for months. My response was "Fuck yeah, we've been trying to figure out how to work around that for months. Good catch." I praised another dev who just joined for getting a whole lot more done in her first two weeks than I expected. Entirely new language and tech stack on a sophisticated application. It's impressive. I said so.

Remuneration aside, they're humans who benefit from positive validation. It seems well recieved. Maybe an important point is I actually am grateful that they're good at their jobs. Man, working with competent people who aren't phoning it in is a pleasure.

And yeah, in the abstract, my position with my employer is basically "fuck you, pay me." But that's just a sine qua non. Whether or not I like being there is contingent on how I'm treated.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#32
post #2

Our group uses a chat bot, which plays silly games at random times. Sometimes the challenge is like "Say thanks to somebody to earn some points". Those points are useless gamification tokens, but maybe it helps to encourage gratitude. There was always somebody who took that challenge so far.

Rather, it encourages people to become good at simulating gratitude in a plausible manner. It devalues the entire notion of gratitude to engage in that sort of petty manipulation. Gratitude is rendered into a base and superficial thing.

Now that you mention it, I think that maybe our team spirit was better when we had regular Quake matches... ;)

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#33

> people are less likely to feel or express gratitude at work than anyplace else. And they’re not thankful for their current jobs, ranking them dead last in a list of things they’re grateful for. First off I don't want to be thanked or praised, I want to be PAID. If I do a great job give me more money, a day off, or something tangible. I don't want a non-monetary gift either. I have a drawer full of work trophies. It…

First, I'll state the obvious: It's not an either-or.

Second, if you look at research on incentives, I think you'll find reducing everything to money tends to backfire, where people who used to go the extra mile in the past stopped doing so because they knew the amount of money they would get would be little.

Think of this scenario some of us have been in. A friend of mine who's big on cars insisted he change my oil for me. He insisted paying Jiffy Lube is a big ripoff. So he did the work, and then I tried giving him some money. He got very offended.

I needed to visit a city for some personal work for a few days, and stayed at a friend's place while there. I tried paying him a nominal amount for his hospitality. Result: He was offended.

However, in both cases, if I repay them by buying them coffee or a lunch, there would be no offense. From my perspective, the outcome is the same: I lose the same amount of money. But on their side, the response is drastically different.

I won't get into which approach is "correct" or "better". The reality is that, in most societies, including the US, the majority behaves this way.

Dan Ariely in one of his books talks about the research involving what he calls "social" vs "market" contracts. The former is usually non-financial, and often involves favors we do for friends. The latter is usually precise and monetary.

Now of course, it depends on the type of work you do, but for most salaried positions, it is a mistake to assume that only market contracts apply ("I do work, and I get paid for it"). What Dan Ariely's chapter shows, is that when companies do lean towards mostly market contracts, bad things happen: Poorer productivity, fractious work environments, etc.

Even if you're getting paid, there is a place for both types of contracts. If you're one of those who care only for the amount you get paid, you're definitely not someone our team wants to hire. I've seen this even within my company - one org takes care of both contracts, and another doesn't. I used to be in the latter and I'm glad I left for the former.

In my company, we have a tool where any employee can thank any other employee with a greeting card. The recipient's manager is notified. The "thanker" can attach company money to it (almost always do) - a nominal amount. Anything over about $30 needs to be approved, but anything under is provided without managerial approval - the company just provides a fund for this.

I think it works well, and in my department, we are frequently encouraged to thank others using the tool for both big and small things.

It doesn't impact your annual review at all. You still have the usual process to get a raise, promotion, etc.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#34
post #9
post #4

> 2. Thank the people who never get thanked I always make a point of telling anyone in IT at whatever company I worked for that I appreciated what they did and knew it was a thankless job. It's one of those areas where if you do a perfect job no one knows you're there and you're only high-profile when you screw up. I've found over the years that they'll pay back that kindness ten-fold and often when you're in some so…

My old boss had the motto: "Treat the cleaners like they're The Queen; treat The Queen like she's a cleaner" I took this to mean: treat cleaners with respect & appreciation; do not fawn and scrape to your bosses. Similarly: "grief travels up, praise travels down" and "be nice to those you meet on your way up as you may well meet them again on your way down". I use all of these mantras on a daily basis and I believe t…

Caretakers and canteen staff.

I'm a teacher: the canteen staff know a surprising amount about students and can spot changes in mood/attitude very quickly. Its uncanny. Caretakers basically run the building. Advanced warning of furniture moving needs, and any special setups and a quick word of thanks afterwards, ensures smooth running. Good reception staff know where everyone is.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#35

> people are less likely to feel or express gratitude at work than anyplace else. And they’re not thankful for their current jobs, ranking them dead last in a list of things they’re grateful for. First off I don't want to be thanked or praised, I want to be PAID. If I do a great job give me more money, a day off, or something tangible. I don't want a non-monetary gift either. I have a drawer full of work trophies. It…

I'm moving towards a lead dev role, running a small group (3 other devs). I always try to thank people, and include enough specific detail that it's plausible. One dev, fresh to a problem, recently identified a place where if we used a multi-map instead of a map, it would solve problems that had plagued us for months. My response was "Fuck yeah, we've been trying to figure out how to work around that for months. Good…

My response was "Fuck yeah, we've been trying to figure out how to work around that for months. Good catch." I praised another dev who just joined for getting a whole lot more done in her first two weeks than I expected. Entirely new language and tech stack on a sophisticated application. It's impressive. I said so.

Your anecdotes are not about thanking people or expressing gratitude. I kind of agree with both you and the GP comment. I am a woman and my life taught me to do a lot of emotional labor. It mostly has not led to money.

I think discussions about stuff like this are probably overlooking something important. As best I can tell, being too touchy feely personal reads as "I love YOU" and is problematic. A better message is "I love your work, good job!" and that seems to be the note you are hitting.

So: Good job!

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#36
post #4

> 2. Thank the people who never get thanked I always make a point of telling anyone in IT at whatever company I worked for that I appreciated what they did and knew it was a thankless job. It's one of those areas where if you do a perfect job no one knows you're there and you're only high-profile when you screw up. I've found over the years that they'll pay back that kindness ten-fold and often when you're in some so…

I thank everyone for everything they do for me - not because I should but because I'm genuinely grateful whenever someone does what was requested of them. I've not found that it's something that's repaid. If anything, folks are more motivated by the guy who shouts at them and never thanks them, because they want his impossible to win approval. The thankful person gets ignored. There's probably a happy medium to be ha…

I think you're being downvoted a little too harshly.

My comment to your experiences: I've been in your shoes. The solution was not to become cynical, but merely to find a better work environment.

When I was leaving my old job, the refrain from my peers was: "You're just running away. You'll face these problems in all jobs."

Never been happier that others were wrong.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#37
post #5

Is it really gratitude if you cultivate it? Can you really become mindful/thankful/x via pure practice? If it makes sense and is logical why can't you instantly become thankful, why do you practice? I see ton's of people in daily life who have cultivated modesty (eg: politicians, ceo's ect) . It is so obvious that its fake, why do ppl do this?

>Is it really gratitude if you cultivate it? Can you really become mindful/thankful/x via pure practice?

Yes (if done well) and yes.

>If it makes sense and is logical why can't you instantly become thankful, why do you practice?

For all the same reasons that other things that make sense and are logical do not instantly transform you.

Various studying habits make sense and are logical. Knowing them does not instantly change you.

Same with eating habits.

Heck, I do not know your age, but I'm old enough where it's easy for me to find things in my life where I knew the "correct" approach, but it took me years to change my behavior to be consistent with what I knew.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> teaching people those intentions why do we need to teach people though? If its obvious that gratitude is good why can't we simply adopt it in an instant. Unless you mean 'anti gratitude' is inherent to all human minds and needs to be constantly suppressed and overpowered through practice.

Call it "teaching," "training," "learning," "conditioning," or whatever else you like, but it seems pretty self-evident that people change how they think and feel based on their experiences. Some of those experiences involve acting a certain way and seeing how others react. Think about it the other way—in terms of negative emotions. A person with anger problems might practice suppressing blowups and taking a moment t…

Just curious about your reasoning behind the last statement, that with "public discourse [you'd] take fake expressions of gratitude over genuine expressions of contempt any day of the week".

If they were to openly express their contempt, then I know where they stand, and adjust my actions accordingly. If they fake expressions of gratitude, I can't be sure what their feelings actually are. Are they having a bad day, and trying to turn it around? Do they genuinely view me with distaste? If it's the former, it might benefit me to support this person. If it's the latter, I might not.

I can understand why it'd be good for a politician to present this ambiguity, but why is it good for you, the consumer of the public discourse?

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#39
post #4

> 2. Thank the people who never get thanked I always make a point of telling anyone in IT at whatever company I worked for that I appreciated what they did and knew it was a thankless job. It's one of those areas where if you do a perfect job no one knows you're there and you're only high-profile when you screw up. I've found over the years that they'll pay back that kindness ten-fold and often when you're in some so…

I think I read this on HN long time ago, and it stuck with me - do you know the name of the cleaner working in your office? Why not?

I always try to learn it (by asking directly, but I'm a bit shy so it takes some time), and to show the appreciation for their work. It feels like a right, human thing to do.

Re: Ways to Cultivate Gratitude at Work

#40
post #33

> people are less likely to feel or express gratitude at work than anyplace else. And they’re not thankful for their current jobs, ranking them dead last in a list of things they’re grateful for. First off I don't want to be thanked or praised, I want to be PAID. If I do a great job give me more money, a day off, or something tangible. I don't want a non-monetary gift either. I have a drawer full of work trophies. It…

First, I'll state the obvious: It's not an either-or. Second, if you look at research on incentives, I think you'll find reducing everything to money tends to backfire, where people who used to go the extra mile in the past stopped doing so because they knew the amount of money they would get would be little. Think of this scenario some of us have been in. A friend of mine who's big on cars insisted he change my oil…

I agree that workplace is not just about "market" contracts. It's full of "social" contracts too. And if all the parties fulfill their "market" obligations properly, there's no reason to dislike giving or receiving signs of gratitude. The problem starts when some clever manager thinks he can pay you "social" coins in lieu of monetary compensation. Everyone wants to have a nice workplace, but it's not a party; people come there to perform services in exchange for currency.

I'd say the issue is subtle, it's kind of "push" vs. "pull" thing. It's great if people believe in your mission so much they're willing to work overtime for free, or be paid low. But if you start to expect people to work overtime or accept low pay because mission!, then I'd say you've just broken the "social" contract of not being a manipulative asshole, and we're back to "fuck you, pay me" situation.

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