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Friends at Work? Not So Much

nytimes.com

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Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much

#41

Post by maxxxxx »

nicklaf wrote: post #34
cb18 wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is an American thing in general, not just a workplace thing. I know that people in other cultures find it quite strange sometimes, and frankly it is when the actual meaning of the words is considered and what their use implies. But it has somehow just become a kind of standard default greeting. I think it's probably meant to imply a kind of warmness to the person it is directed to, kind of like, "nice to see you…

Yep. For this reason, my usual response to "how are you" from somebody passing by is "hi".

The "How are you" or "How's it going?" thing took me a while to get used too. Now sometimes I say "Great" automatically even when somebody asks a real question or says "Hi".

Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much

#42

Post by mistermann »

fromMars wrote: post #9

I think the economic explanation is at the root of this. As they mentioned, long term employment is essentially gone. In addition, things like pensions are no longer common except in the public sector. Add to that, the rise in cost of living relative to salaries and you end up with a situation where the work place is a very competitive environment. We are competing with our coworkers for raises and advancement opport…

I agree. It depends a lot on the industry and size of the company I think, but in some places it is brutally political. I personally don't even mind a critical and self-promotional environment, it's the quiet, behind the scenes long game politics that bother me. I think it's especially depressing because if everyone stopped undermining each other and worked collaboratively, the shared fruits of your labor would probably make most everyone better off. Except then likely 30% of the staff would be cut because high productivity leads to redundancy.

Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much

#43

Post by mikerichards »

_jgdh wrote: post #35
mikerichards wrote: post #30

Americans have gone on vacation with 6 percent of their closest co-workers, versus 25 percent in Poland and 45 percent in India. No, the odd ones are the Poles and Indians that are going on vacation with their co-workers....seriously.

Are you missing the point of the article? According to the author, Poles and Indians consider their co-workers their friends. Americans in general don't. His other point is that Americans used to think differently, so Americans working today would consider people from 30-40 years ago to be odd ones too.

No, you seem to have missed my point. I find it strange that so many percentages of Poles and Indians are going on vacation with their co-workers.

That's a separate thing from "being friends".

Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much

#44

Post by losvedir »

kleer001 wrote: post #13
Tycho wrote: post #10

One thing I find a bit weird, and I suspect it started in America (but I'm not sure), is when colleagues pass each other and they say 'how are you?' and keep walking , making it entirely obvious that they're not really interested in how you are. Or maybe they expect some rapid fire response. Not sure. But I think it would be better to just say 'Hi' if you don't intend to stop and actually talk.

Good question. I have wrestled with the same thing. I have found that the literal interpretation of "How are you?" can be countered with a rough summary of your internal emotional/mental machinery by way of an emphatic grunt or groan. "Meh.", "Woo!", "Ugh." are a few good places to start. Get creative, do some homework. Remember this is a very basic, mammalian level trait. This is after lizard brain stuff, but before…

It depends where in the country you are.

In California, where I grew up, it's expected to have a small response:

A: "Hey, how are you?"

B: "Good, and you?"

A: "Good, thanks."

But in the Northeast, you'll stress yourself out trying to actually respond. People will throw it out as you're walking by each other, and if you try to squeeze in a "Good, and you?" they'll be taken aback because they're not really expecting to say anything further. And they're not really waiting to hear any actual response like "Meh" or "Woo".

In Boston and New York, I literally translate "How are you" to "Howdy" in my head. That is, "Howdy" was derived from "How do you do?" but obviously you don't respond "Good" to "Howdy". It's just a synonym for "Hi."

A: "Hi, how are you?"

B: "Hi."

Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much

#45

Post by stuxnet79 »

I was partly raised in a culture where it was normal for your colleagues / co-workers to know every aspect of your life. In general everything was more communal, and there wasn't a lot of independent loner, do-your-own-thing, dog-eat-dog mentality that is so pervasive in American culture. I'm not even going to discuss the merits / negatives of each particular worldview, but what I do know is that I find it utterly depressing that I've worked and interacted with my (now former) colleagues for close to 3 years and none of them even care enough to ask me what I'm going to do with my life afterwards and what my next plans are (today was my last day).

Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much

#46

Post by vijayr »

Tycho wrote: post #10

One thing I find a bit weird, and I suspect it started in America (but I'm not sure), is when colleagues pass each other and they say 'how are you?' and keep walking , making it entirely obvious that they're not really interested in how you are. Or maybe they expect some rapid fire response. Not sure. But I think it would be better to just say 'Hi' if you don't intend to stop and actually talk.

This totally bothered me too, at the beginning. Took me a few weeks to understand that "Hi, how are you" is the American equivalent of "Hey", "Hello", "Good Morning" etc from other countries/culture. It seems rude, but it is just a habit than being intentionally rude. It sure is confusing to foreigners when we move here. But yeah, it would be nice to just say Hi.

Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much

#48

Post by stuxnet79 »

mikerichards wrote: post #43
_jgdh wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you missing the point of the article? According to the author, Poles and Indians consider their co-workers their friends. Americans in general don't. His other point is that Americans used to think differently, so Americans working today would consider people from 30-40 years ago to be odd ones too.

No, you seem to have missed my point. I find it strange that so many percentages of Poles and Indians are going on vacation with their co-workers. That's a separate thing from "being friends".

Not sure why you are making that distinction. The implication is there. You just don't go on "vacation" with anybody.

Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much

#49

Post by zzalpha »

ceras wrote: post #11
sudo_bang_bang wrote: post #3

"In 1985, about half of Americans said they had a close friend at work; by 2004, this was true for only 30 percent" This decline precedes the Uberization of work (where people work more part time gigs with less coworkers around). It even precedes smart phones and being totally mired in watching our social media accounts when we get free time at work, as opposed to interacting with those around us. I can only speak fo…

I feel similarly, but I also don't want to be friends with my coworkers. I'd rather we keep a friendly, polite distance in our relationships. I love my job, and go to work to actually work: my social interaction comes from elsewhere, on my own terms. I honestly think this keeps things more productive. There's less room for wasting time socializing, or worrying about people feeling left out, or (like you said) offendi…

I honestly think this keeps things more productive

So you're just going to ignore the fact that the article notes studies proving the opposite?

or anything else that takes time away from work

How very Calvinist of you.

You spend one third of your day at work, probably half of your conscious hours.

Maybe your workplace shouldn't be a soulless machine dedicated only to cold efficiency and productivity? Just a thought.

Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much

#50

Post by zzalpha »

mikerichards wrote: post #30

Americans have gone on vacation with 6 percent of their closest co-workers, versus 25 percent in Poland and 45 percent in India. No, the odd ones are the Poles and Indians that are going on vacation with their co-workers....seriously.

There a billion of them and 300 million of you.

You're the odd ones. That's just math.

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