Friends at Work? Not So Much
nytimes.com
Friends at Work? Not So Much
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Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much
#2“It’s not that Americans are less concerned with relationships overall. We’re social creatures outside work, yet the office interaction norm tends to be polite but impersonal. Some people think pleasantries have no place in professional meetings.”
Is this what mean the "keep it professional" clauses in the open source communities code of conducts? Not to "be civil and don't say things you wouldn't say in a face-to-face conversation", but "be impersonal"?
Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much
#3"In 1985, about half of Americans said they had a close friend at work; by 2004, this was true for only 30 percent"
This decline precedes the Uberization of work (where people work more part time gigs with less coworkers around). It even precedes smart phones and being totally mired in watching our social media accounts when we get free time at work, as opposed to interacting with those around us.
I can only speak for myself but at work I feel a little constrained when trying to speak to people in a friendly non-work related manner. Primarily I'm concerned I might offend someone, with an offhand comment or joke. The laws and guidelines in place to protect employees against offensive behavior are a great thing but perhaps I take it too seriously. Perhaps it also affects by ability to make friends and "be myself" at work.
Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much
#4“It’s not that Americans are less concerned with relationships overall. We’re social creatures outside work, yet the office interaction norm tends to be polite but impersonal. Some people think pleasantries have no place in professional meetings.” Is this what mean the "keep it professional" clauses in the open source communities code of conducts? Not to "be civil and don't say things you wouldn't say in a face-to-fa…
It may not be the intent but it is definitely the outcome.
Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much
#5This is just risk and reward at work. People subconsciously fear the consequences of offending someone in the work place, with very little upside most people prefer to just keep it about work and nothing else.
Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much
#6"In 1985, about half of Americans said they had a close friend at work; by 2004, this was true for only 30 percent" This decline precedes the Uberization of work (where people work more part time gigs with less coworkers around). It even precedes smart phones and being totally mired in watching our social media accounts when we get free time at work, as opposed to interacting with those around us. I can only speak fo…
I don't talk to anyone at work, because the workspace is an enormous open bullpen with hundreds of engineers, and talking in such an environment is obnoxious.
Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much
#7“It’s not that Americans are less concerned with relationships overall. We’re social creatures outside work, yet the office interaction norm tends to be polite but impersonal. Some people think pleasantries have no place in professional meetings.” Is this what mean the "keep it professional" clauses in the open source communities code of conducts? Not to "be civil and don't say things you wouldn't say in a face-to-fa…
That's what all the drama around OSS communities have been about lately, haven't it. People that say they want more diversity and inclusion in OSS communities, at the possible price of toning down or neutering certain elements of human culture and interaction. And in effect turning voluntary OSS projects into professional -- in an American sense -- gatherings. How diverse.
Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much
#8This is just risk and reward at work. People subconsciously fear the consequences of offending someone in the work place, with very little upside most people prefer to just keep it about work and nothing else.
I know that's how I function. Any new gig I'm in(which happens to be right now), I start in super-professional super-PC mode. As I get to know my surroundings and happen to overhear other conversations and jokes, I get a better idea of the sensitivities of those around me. But yeah, I can totally see people(especially devs) just deciding to only talk work and nothing else and not even try/risk going into the casual social conversations.
I'm too much of a people-person to survive in the workplace without knowing more about people's lives outside of work. I'd get depressed and quit eventually if I couldn't feel relaxed and chatty with people.
Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much
#9I think the economic explanation is at the root of this. As they mentioned, long term employment is essentially gone.
In addition, things like pensions are no longer common except in the public sector. Add to that, the rise in cost of living relative to salaries and you end up with a situation where the work place is a very competitive environment.
We are competing with our coworkers for raises and advancement opportunities. Often this competition has an ugly under-belly, as it invariably involves criticism of coworkers' performance and self-promotion of one's own work.
Re: Friends at Work? Not So Much
#10One thing I find a bit weird, and I suspect it started in America (but I'm not sure), is when colleagues pass each other and they say 'how are you?' and keep walking, making it entirely obvious that they're not really interested in how you are. Or maybe they expect some rapid fire response. Not sure. But I think it would be better to just say 'Hi' if you don't intend to stop and actually talk.