381–390 of 440 posts
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Why is everyone on ycombinator promoting their own stuff today? Admins, can you stop this?
COC is a very well-known channel and directly ties into the topic here. I would guess parent comment is a fan of COC and not the owner of it.
>In a nutshell, you inspire me when something that you share makes me want to share something, too. Notice the word "want" in that definition. Inspiration does not make your partner feel obligated to share. It makes them want to share. This is the part that I've been stuck at for years. And I imagine other technical people hit this roadblock as well. Being able to talk with people when you have little in the way of c…
Say for example you're talking to a woman who's really interested in fashion, beauty and makeup. (Sorry to double down on the gender stereotyping, I just wanted an extreme example.) Without knowing anything about it, here are some things off the top of my head you could ask her:
- How did you get interested in it?
- How big is the global industry? Would you be interested in working in it, maybe starting your own brand?
- How do you keep up with things? Instagram? Blogs?
- If I wanted to learn the basics how long would it take me?
- Is personal style inherent or learned?
And the same applies with woodworking or snowboarding or rugby or knitting or anime or cooking or kabuki or classical guitar or pets or anything you can think of. Siloing yourself among people with common interests is so wasteful when you could open up to the great variety of the world.
Socially insecure people should just watch the s*it out of this channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/charismaoncommand/videos I think visual examples can be way more impactful than what the linked dry text guide could ever hope to be.
Those thumbnails look like they're optimised for as wide an appeal as possible. The thumbnails strike me as "I really don't want to watch this".
"This guy knows his marketing, so I'm so sure he doesn't know his content that I won't bother to check wether he does."
While some of you may make light of the fact that I am giving you advice, my single most important piece of advice to people who are highly analytical and/or always solving problems is to not give unsolicited advice to friends, family, acquaintances, or even strangers. People will ask for advice if they really want it. People are not “broken pieces of code” begging to be fixed. I’ve lost friends over this, until one…
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Yes, this is pretty much it. Learning how to be assertive without looking weird, creepy or a lunatic. It's just a lot of practice. Most advice given to men how to be more socially adaptive is actually advice how to best be taken advantage of. It has nothing to do with their own best interest.
This is true of pretty much all such advice to anybody. Society's interests and your interests are often unaligned.
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I've been working on this since I noticed it in myself a few years back. It's really difficult because I'm the "problem-solver," but I'm also the person that people want to vent to. So I've come to realize - After a friend/coworker shares something that they're sad/angry about, my standard MO is: 1) Say something like "Wow, that must really feel terrible. I'm sorry to hear that!" (I always feel the need to add more t…
The trouble I have with #1 is when someone tells me their problem and they don't want help with it, now I have a new problem to worry about, and worse, I can't take action to solve it because the problem isn't mine. I guess the trick is not worrying about other people's problems. But... I dunno, I just don't like unsolved problems hanging around.
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I've been working on this since I noticed it in myself a few years back. It's really difficult because I'm the "problem-solver," but I'm also the person that people want to vent to. So I've come to realize - After a friend/coworker shares something that they're sad/angry about, my standard MO is: 1) Say something like "Wow, that must really feel terrible. I'm sorry to hear that!" (I always feel the need to add more t…
The trouble I have with #1 is when someone tells me their problem and they don't want help with it, now I have a new problem to worry about, and worse, I can't take action to solve it because the problem isn't mine. I guess the trick is not worrying about other people's problems. But... I dunno, I just don't like unsolved problems hanging around.
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For awhile now, everyone has been one viral moment away from mob justice. You might lose your career, or you might get harassed day and night, or worse just for slighting the wrong person. But you also can't opt out of online socializing if you want to meet and keep in touch with people.
This is ridiculous. R Kelly performed for years as a known pedophile with an adoring fan base. Cancel culture is mostly a myth. You’d have to do something pretty damn bad, way worse than “slighting”, for your behavior to go viral enough you’re “harassed day and night”. Social rejection is how you learn to be social, and it ain’t gonna ruin your life. It’s just painful.
While some of you may make light of the fact that I am giving you advice, my single most important piece of advice to people who are highly analytical and/or always solving problems is to not give unsolicited advice to friends, family, acquaintances, or even strangers. People will ask for advice if they really want it. People are not “broken pieces of code” begging to be fixed. I’ve lost friends over this, until one…
"Ein ungefragter Rat ist ein Schlag."
Unfortunately, in english, it doesn't rhyme that nicely: "An undemanded advice is a punch." (I seriously doubt that "undemanded" is the best translation for "ungefragt", but you get the idea.)
When feel like people would benefit from advice to the extent that not giving it would be unfriendly/selfish/whatever itself, I try to follow following guidelines:
* Refraining from using "you did", "you said", "you I hope you get what I mean.
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I am not sure it is that simple. When someone vents off to me - I can't ignore it, I am no psychopath. This is especially hard with people whom I am close with. Having a solution is what gives my brain to "check it off", which I equally need as they need to vent. What should I do? To tell fuck off with their complains if they are not seeking a solution? (done that to some, they still do not understand) Just keep soak…
You bring up a lot of challenging questions. Here's a perspective I've heard that I found insightful: Somethings can be true and useful. Somethings can be true and neither useful nor useless. Somethings can be true and counterproductive. These philosophical statements I think do apply to general conversation. Sometimes it's not useful to tell somebody what steps they need to take, sometimes because they put themselve…