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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#371

Post by lolinder »

lonelappde wrote: post #338
lolinder wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is awesome. I've long felt a nostalgia for the close-knit forums I participated in as a kid. One was a worldwide group centered around an online game (CyberNations), the other was just a group of kids with similar interests in one metro area who met up occasionally. Both were vital for me in coping with feeling like I didn't fit in at all at school. It's great to see that that kind of close, friendly, personal I…

Facebook has its sins but is this really one of them? Facebook supports small, controlled, geographically focused groups.

Supports maybe, but doesn't encourage or promote them. The money is in the endless news feed from your 300+ acquaintances, not in quiet, thoughtful conversation between a group of close friends.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#372

Post by xwdv »

rolltiide wrote: post #288
o-__-o wrote: post #261

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Because women are not pieces of meat that can be processed and marinated before being consumed for a night of fun, regardless that both parties are seeking the same pleasure. the downvoted are not in this club and so they feel left out

> regardless that both parties are seeking the same pleasure I see this a lot in the tech community. People want to be allies of inclusiveness [in the context of corporate professionalism, while trying to apply it everywhere], but the current iteration of this results in still infantilizing women that make different choices and vicariously assuming they're victims when that woman's current aspirations have nothing to…

I get what you're saying man.

It wouldn't be ok to refer to a woman as a piece of meat at say a corporate board meeting.

However, if you're at a savage orgy and everyone is naked and fucking it is hardly a faux pas to see a woman as just a piece of meat, hell it may even be desirable by the other party.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#373

Post by [deleted] »

xwdv wrote: post #372
rolltiide wrote: post #288

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> regardless that both parties are seeking the same pleasure I see this a lot in the tech community. People want to be allies of inclusiveness [in the context of corporate professionalism, while trying to apply it everywhere], but the current iteration of this results in still infantilizing women that make different choices and vicariously assuming they're victims when that woman's current aspirations have nothing to…

I get what you're saying man. It wouldn't be ok to refer to a woman as a piece of meat at say a corporate board meeting. However, if you're at a savage orgy and everyone is naked and fucking it is hardly a faux pas to see a woman as just a piece of meat, hell it may even be desirable by the other party.

[deleted]

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#374

Post by ferzul »

rutierut wrote: post #69
DeusExMachina wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I moved to another country at the age of 30, which meant the number of friends I had dropped to 0. What worked for me was starting dancing tango, where I built a newer, better and larger network than the one I previously had. I guess this can apply to any social activity where you can interact with people, be it social dancing or coocking classes.

This is amazing, it really shows character that you take action to solve your problems and are successful in doing so. So please know that this is not aimed at you personally... But... I am so freaking sick of people recommending others to pickup either salsa or tango! Not of the people that recommend this themselves but are there really no other options? Tango/salsa classes seem to get recommended again, again and a…

If you see people in public doing something, try joining them. I discovered Archery that way, and others have joined my esperanto group like that. The important thing is to not drive between two destinations all the time. Sometimes try travelling in other ways or dawdling through the retail places and there's a good chance to find something.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#375

Post by pb7 »

throwaway66920 wrote: post #147
daenz wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>The gap is a bit smaller for best friends too. It's not: 32% for men, 24% for women. Also, this attitude is why "men are the disposable gender" is a thing. Real problems that are correlated with men are dismissed and ignored as not significant.

It’s not that significant though. For every 4 men with no best friend there are 3 women in the same position. If being a man is so difficult, this is a small part of it relative to being a woman; and I would wager that women do better here simply because they put in more effort.

Do you also dismiss the assertion that women make 75% of the wage men do solely because men put in more effort? By your own words, this should also not be significant but many people would argue the opposite.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#376

Post by memmcgee »

I wonder if this has a lot to do with the economic system we live under. Marx wrote a lot about the alienation of labor, and one form of alienation was alienation from fellow workers. I wonder if we surveyed company executives or small business owners whether you'd find a different breakdown.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#377

Post by jliptzin »

lonelappde wrote: post #342
garmaine wrote: post #198

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m an introvert. People drain me. I find fulfillment in the world around me and my hobbies. I’m on HN not to be social but to learn things. I don’t need validation from others. I don’t hate human interaction either. I have friends. I just don’t NEED them, and don’t need to go seeking them or be especially close.

I'm curious if you will retain this preference as you get older and physical frailty starts to appear in your life, or you lose your source of income.

Has nothing to do with it. I am like him. People drain me whether I'm young or old, rich or poor.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#378

Post by mikekchar »

paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I moved to Japan when I was 39 and because I decided to stay here, it basically meant losing all my close friends (well, they are still friends, of course -- but it's not a "Let's hang out on a Wednesday night" type of friendship anymore).

When I first moved to Japan, I spent a lot of time trying to make friends. Because there are a lot of lonely expats, I found it easy to do. However, there was one thing that I didn't really take into account: the main thing we had in common was loneliness.

Over time, the relationships didn't work out. I even had some really bizarre (and extremely troubling) experiences with people denouncing and shunning me because I decided to adopt Japanese culture (apparently a betrayal of my original culture and appropriation of my adopted culture -- some people really are seriously screwed up.... :-( ).

What I realised was that when I was young, because the population of potential friends is large, I could choose friends who liked me for who I was. When I moved to this new population, the only potential friends I had (especially with my lack of Japanese language skill at the time) were being picked out of a population of lonely people. Most of them didn't care about me. Some of them even hated me (even the idea of me was repugnant to them). It is seriously weird to have "friends" that hate you.

Being alone is definitely better than being in an abusive relationship, IMHO (though it takes quite a lot of effort to see this). I realised that it was virtually impossible for me to find real friends the way I had been approaching it. It was best to just hang out with people I enjoyed and to stay away from people I didn't enjoy -- even if that meant being alone.

It can be tough, but really I think the secret is to just fill your life with activities that you enjoy and that bring you closer to other people with similar interests. Eventually you will happen to meet someone who is in a similar place to you. But if not, at least you are having a good time in the process.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#379

Post by throwaway66920 »

hogFeast wrote: post #270
throwaway66920 wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is impressive how strongly held, yet also specific your beliefs are. Who told you this.

It is impressive that you feel justified in making no arguments but will try to bring down people who do. Are you British by any chance? Inability to argue? Check. Inability to reason? Check. Becomes defensive when asked to think about closely held but illogical views? Check. Judges a person's argument based on their identity/background (I am assuming that is what "who told you" is about)? Check. At the very least, t…

Uh, no, not British. Nor do I really know what your background is? Are you British?

I’ll confess I was kind of trolling in asking you what pundit you get your stuff from, but I’ll be really frank here. Your post reads as sort of obsessive and out of touch. You’re bringing in talking points to support your anger but they’re really not related. You’ve taken a very benign issue and reframed it as a huge deal. Then you went very aggressive in what seems to be some sort of anti-British worldview.

You’re trying to position yourself as a better intellectual but it really, really doesn’t appear that way to others.

Saying things like I can’t argue, reason, and am unwilling to put up an argument is a really aggressive thing to say, and I’m not sure if you understand that you’ve set up a really tiresome premise for having a conversation.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#380

Post by crimsonalucard »

garmaine wrote: post #198
dwaltrip wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do you prefer it?

I’m an introvert. People drain me. I find fulfillment in the world around me and my hobbies. I’m on HN not to be social but to learn things. I don’t need validation from others. I don’t hate human interaction either. I have friends. I just don’t NEED them, and don’t need to go seeking them or be especially close.

I would say you're the biological anomaly. Humans are social creatures. Much or our society is defined by our achievements as a group then individually. I would say the op very accurately describes a general problem.
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