361–370 of 418 posts
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I'm still trying to find the waves of that revolution. Maybe I just need to get the fuck out of Utah... I could really use an aftershock.
Utah is like the most successful place in the country now. In 500 years, the country will be Latinos, Muslims, and Mormons.
As advanced countries' systems for marriage and child-rearing continue to fail, there is a constant demand for cope. What if we learned to love being single? What if we substitute friendship for marriage? 64 ways to enjoy retirement on your own! This is the collective version of listening to an alcoholic explain why he doesn't have a problem.
I'm in a relationship now, but I spent a vast majority of my life single. And the thing I learned from being single, was how to be okay with myself and love myself in spite of the world thinking I was "broken" for being alone. I feel strongly that this independence has fostered a confidence and understanding in all of my relationships that makes me a better person. And I feel this way because I see people all the tim…
I have a great relationship with my self. I'm not enough to fulfill all of my needs.
I'm great at platonic intimacy. I'm super empathetic, and can (and do) get into deeply meaningful friendships very quickly. Sex isn't in this picture.
If I honestly wanted to, I have no doubt that I could find a serious committed romantic relationship. I don't want to. I know that because I know myself.
What I'm good at has solved many, but unfortunately not all, of my problems.
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Turns out being bored is a skill that needs to be practiced. It’s kind of like mediation except not cool.
I'm almost forced into it now that I'm a parent cause I simply don't have enough energy to do anything. It was kinda hard at first, but now I'm tuned to actually enjoy purely doing nothing. Like we're talking sit on a lawn chair on the deck for 45 minutes at the end of the day before I go to bed.
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"seldom duplicated elsewhere" I hear this same sentiment from marines, cops, fireman, and fraternity members. I also hear it from Masons, Elks, Shriners, etc. I don't understand why men have to think they've "discovered" something about lifelong bonds that is exclusive to just men's clubs. My guess is that men are taught not to have strong emotional bonds with anyone but their mothers or wives, and then think it is s…
Nope, it's got nothing to do with being discouraged and everything to do with culture and identity. The problem is that men don't bond over nothing. Sitting around watching TV, drinking beer or whatever are nice, you can make good friends just because you share a hobby or whatever. Our ancestors went out into the world together and killed animals. They taught each other's sons how to fight. Our social organization is…
I just tell the men in my life that I care about that I love them and will be there for them if they ever need me, and then follow up on that promise. That's all it takes to forge a bond. None of this Rambo death fantasy that 90% of the replies to my post keep blathering on about.
I'm curious. Are you a man? If so, Have you ever told a male friend that you loved them, without needing the excuse of shared extreme duress? (And not that apey thing that bros do when they hug-slap each other vigorously and say "luv yuh brah" because actually saying the words clearly and not smothering it with mild physical violence is just too scary?)
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Your argument was, you are not me. But you are.
I'm so confused how this could be the case unless you're actually arguing with yourself across 2 different accounts. The alternative is definitely that you don't understand that people are different from you, which is pretty wild to me.
This is an edge case. Marines in particular, and the military members in general, will form a special bond that can seldom be duplicated elsewhere. And that has been my experience. I was among a group of six that met at the schoolhouse after boot camp. We did not get sent to the same units, but we were all PCS'd to the same base. Two of us (not myself) made a career of the corps, and the others went to school after s…
This used to be much more common, for men too. You don't have to go too far back in history to find a time when intense male friendships were not at all unusual, complete with holding hands and writing love letters to each other. Of course, some of these were gay relationships, hiding in plain sight pretending to be socially acceptable non-sexual intense male friendships. But gays wouldn't have been able to hide that…
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You can live together with someone, have kids and move with your kids without marriage, those things seem orthogonal to me.
In this case let’s consider “marriage” a stand-in for “committed, long-term romantic relationship between two people” since that’s really what’s being compared throughout the discussion.
Even in my situation, I would argue that the kids are more in the center than our relationship, as our parent-kids relationship is inalienable and forever, unlike our relationship with each other, which will last only while we are both happy about it.
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> Example: children are about the future, friendships are not commitments, parents are a compass, spouse is life insurance. (I am simplifying to make a point.) If you're simplifying you're missing the point of this. But I suspect you're not just simplifying to make a point, but this is actually what you believe. Maybe you've never had a really close friendship that you've felt obligated to keep alive. That requires w…
> felt obligated to keep alive Back to the point made before, relationships are being defined as feelings like feeling obligated to keep it alive . You are kind of bottling the definition of relationships to just "feelings" and ignoring relationships formed with explicit terms, like marriages are made. Some relationships are defined by blood and some by a contract (like a marriage contract) and others by history. Som…
My siblings and I aren't close because we're related. The proof of that is my parents and I aren't close. They rely too much on thinking they don't have to show up for the relationship because "they created/raised me." My siblings, friends and romantic relationships know I could end the relationship if I'm unhappy with it. They are all the same, and all invested in it. They don't think they deserve anything special from me. They know they have to earn it.
I don't feel obligation to keep these relationships alive. I just do because I've gotten good things out of them in the past. If you think there's something special about the contract of marriage... I gotta tell you, that divorce is a thing.
There is no difference between any of these. I can join or leave any of these relationships as I like, and I do for the same reasons. Maybe not the exact same reasons, but the same general reasons of "I'm getting less out than I am putting in".
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I think there has been a terrible loss that is rarely acknowledged in that men in the western world can no longer have intimate friendships without having to defend their sexual orientation. Seinfeld's "Not that there's anything wrong with that" became a catchphrase for a reason but the line of thinking still exists. I watched the "Tollywood" film RRR and it was startling and refreshing how much affection the two mai…
The phenomenon you describe has gone down two different paths for two different sets of people. In my world, most straight men I bother to associate with are not afraid of showing emotion or admitting to non-masculine traits/experiences or being called gay. I assumed, hopefully, that this was the path the entire country was going down, in terms of male-male relationships. But it seems that has not been the case, and…
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That sounds pragmatic, and it is. A partner is also pragmatic. Why dismiss one while promoting the other? Someone can have good friends and also someone they spend everyday with for 50 years.
You can spend every day for 50 years with someone whom you relate with deeply and meaningfully. That doesn't have to be the same person every day. It can be 50 different people. It can even be your self.