Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I’ve been single all my life

lukasrosenstock.net

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

361–370 of 443 posts

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#361

Post by rchaud »

trashface wrote: post #276
fernly wrote: post #99

I think the word that Rosenstock was searching for, was "Introvert"[1]. I'm an introvert who had the good fortune to marry another introvert, and live contentedly with her for 40+ years. Following her death a few years ago I reflected on the differences between being part of a couple, and being solitary. There were many. Health maintenance was one; somebody else in this thread has already commented on married men liv…

Introversion has drastically different effects for men and women in the dating market. An introverted woman will still get approached by men, so even if she intentionally opts out of dating, she can always opt back in pretty much on the fly if a guy she likes approaches her. So she will still get relationships, if she wants them. Introverted men, on the other hand, often just don't pursue women, especially if they ha…

> An introverted woman will still get approached by men,

I'm an introverted man and all 4 women that have hit on me in my lifetime have been those I didn't feel similarly about. I imagine the ratio for women is similar. Just because she can jump back into the sea, doesn't mean she can summon new types of fish.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#362

Post by b3lvedere »

"The clock is ticking, and figuring myself out and finding a partner won’t get easier as I get older."

Why is the clock ticking? If you want offspring then there's a limited timeframe, but for all other things i doubt there's a distinct timeframe. I've read about 70 year olds dating and enjoying live.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#363

Post by mcv »

dangwhy wrote: post #159
JohnFen wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone wiser than me once commented -- nobody is going to knock on your door. If you want to meet people, you have to get out there and do things that put you around people.

> do things that put you around people. I tried skiing through which i met tons of people but very few single women. Tried bjj, no women at all. Hiking and camping groups, again no single women. I still do all of these activities but very few women. I've actually never met a woman ,single or otherwise, mountain biking, which is my main goto in summer. Truth is that women don't generally do a lots of activities.

I sang in a choir. Lots of women and not that many men. Several of the men ended up with a long-term relationship there.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#364

Post by qikInNdOutReply »

vlz wrote: post #303
carbine wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a woman and have had long serious relationships and long-ish stretches of being single. Took me a while to filter through all the social pressure BS and realize that, on balance, I have been way (WAY) happier single. Maybe this could change one day? But right now I have no interest in changing it. It'd take someone extraordinary. I'm not 'poly' or 'asexual' or any of that crap, I've just had to give up so much of…

> I'm not 'poly' or 'asexual' or any of that crap Not to detract from the rest of your post, which I agree with, but why call these orientations "crap"? That is somewhat hurtful.

Why does someone have to appreciate other sexual orientations? I dont run around demanding somebody be forced to appreciate mine. Grumpily ignoring other peoples choices to life and let life is good enough for society to work. The world is not there to be a comfy blanket..

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#365

Post by mcv »

blairbeckwith wrote: post #179
dangwhy wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> do things that put you around people. I tried skiing through which i met tons of people but very few single women. Tried bjj, no women at all. Hiking and camping groups, again no single women. I still do all of these activities but very few women. I've actually never met a woman ,single or otherwise, mountain biking, which is my main goto in summer. Truth is that women don't generally do a lots of activities.

Book clubs if you like reading fiction. I'm happily married, but the only guy in a book club of 20.

My book club is all men.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#366

Post by red-iron-pine »

misssocrates wrote: post #230
nitwit005 wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can find streamers who will talk about difficulties going outside due to social anxiety problems, and yet are broadcasting themselves live. It's enough of a barrier for them somehow.

How? What's their technique for overcoming the anxiety with a live stream audience?

There is no control outside; via the stream they control visibility, access, set, and setting. Streams are also heavily one-sided; nothing to throw you off.

The technique is to control everything, basically.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#367

Post by mcv »

MuffinFlavored wrote: post #290
aschearer wrote: post #44

First off, bravo for sharing. Much respect. That said, this is borderline navel gazing. Stop thinking about "what it's like to go swimming" and jump in the lake. Yes, you'll get wet, look stupid, and make a mess. There's no way around that. The sooner the better. If you need to reason yourself into the water, I recommend "The Village Effect." Statistically, humans fair better with a rich tapestry of relationships. Ar…

> yes you’ll look stupid i wouldn’t under estimate how crippling of a fear this is. you wouldn’t tell a depressed person “cheer up!”

> you wouldn’t tell a depressed person “cheer up!”

Lots of people do, though. Unfortunately.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#369

Post by qikInNdOutReply »

1letterunixname wrote: post #300

They don't know even half of what they're missing but it's like they want a reward and approval for this bold, uninformed proclamation they want to lash their identity to. Maybe it's just me, but: love, romantic sexual relationships, and some indescribable things between make life worth living. That's the good shit. Life is so goddamn short: spend it with interesting, cool, reliable people. And fuck around while you…

The bits of the universe you dented were your kids, and they have the problems now the guy above has. Nice for you that the world worked out for you from the get go, but if its happier for your box, no need to rub it into everyones face. Seems to me, the default for developers in not your experience. Guess its sort of self selected for, with the job filtering for the neuros who make it to it.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#370

Post by rchaud »

MuffinFlavored wrote: post #290
aschearer wrote: post #44

First off, bravo for sharing. Much respect. That said, this is borderline navel gazing. Stop thinking about "what it's like to go swimming" and jump in the lake. Yes, you'll get wet, look stupid, and make a mess. There's no way around that. The sooner the better. If you need to reason yourself into the water, I recommend "The Village Effect." Statistically, humans fair better with a rich tapestry of relationships. Ar…

> yes you’ll look stupid i wouldn’t under estimate how crippling of a fear this is. you wouldn’t tell a depressed person “cheer up!”

You will inevitably make yourself look stupid in a relationship or even on a date. Not getting in there now is just delaying the inevitable. However crippling it is, you will have to face it one day. It's not the same as trying to command yourself into feeling better.
Post reply on HN