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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#361

Post by danbolt »

viburnum wrote: post #221
capableweb wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> some research showing that friendship for women is basically with whatever other women you’re around the most. If you’re a woman and want more friends, you probably need to get a new job. Or make a long-term commitment to showing up to the same place where other women are also committed to showing up (AA meetings, church, sports team, etc). Or just be friends with the wifes of your husband’s friends. I replaced "me…

Not really. It’s possible for women to say, “I love your earrings,” and be best friends ten minutes later. I dare you to try that as a man.

Not earrings, but I’ve done it with clothing, hairstyles, jewelry, etc. and it’s brought out us being friends. I don’t think it’s that uncommon between men.

At the same time, I’ve met women that haven’t made as many friends with other women, and find it hard to do so. I don’t know if it’s so clear-cut like that.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#362

Post by reaperducer »

scarface74 wrote: post #282
reaperducer wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're not broken. If your family is your number one interest and responsibility, then you're doing life correctly. Don't let anyone else tell you differently.

Yes my family is my number one interest, but not my only interest. My (step) sons who loved to spend time with me when we met and they were 9 and 14 - now one doesn’t live with us and the other is 17 with his own friends and interests. My wife’s interests and my interests are well enough aligned that we like spending time together, but she has her own interests and own set of female friends.

Then you should consider your life a success.

No Silicon Valley billionaire's fortune can compare to the responsibility and reward of raising a good family.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#363

Post by Faark »

hogFeast wrote: post #208
throwaway66920 wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is silly and naive. Tax benefits for families exist to help and encourage families. Society is better off when people can afford to raise a family. To twist it into an anti single man view is way off base.

Yes, when a powerful, politically active group forces another less powerful, politically inactive group to subsidise them it is definitely not discriminatory. You should tell that to India, those idiots thought making them pay for their own colonisation was bad...their society was better off. I can see now, it is so obvious. > Society is better off when people can afford to raise a family. Alternate theory: society i…

Gov certainly has to incentivize good behavior, at the very least in areas gov will pay for down the line. That's easily the case for family planing, as children are an option to support the elderly. And then gov also doesn't have to let all the "evil brown people" into the country to staff hospitals and nursing service, so you can even pretend this to be about national security.

So yeah, i also think there are many strongly held but badly justified beliefs in your post. Not everything is black or white. There is a huge leap from "gov incentivizes families" to "world is against single males because apparently some shitty tabloid is" and equating the two misses many shades of gray.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#364

Post by Faark »

dleslie wrote: post #50
theferalrobot wrote: post #20

I just switched from a job where I could work from home anytime I wanted (which meant everyone on my team did so 100% of the time) to a job that requires everyone to be in the office 90% of the time because I want more face-to-face human interaction in my life. The convenience was great but, on the whole, it made me less happy.

I've been working from home for nearly five years now; it's been fantastically convenient while I raise my daughters. While I have found that my adult social interactions are severely limited, I am no worse off than my old friends; one of whom remarked that after moving to Montreal he's seeing friends and family just as often as he did before. Where I find adult interaction is in more traditional venues: I made an ef…

> I made an effort to get to know my neighbours, and am acquainted with some staff and patrons at the local pub.

I wouldn't even know how to approach that. Feel like this requires a lot of knowledge/skill that my path through life didn't teach me.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#365

Post by orange-juice »

viburnum wrote: post #64
cameronbrown wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I fail to see how that's relevant to making friends.

There’s a pecking order for men. Nobody likes the guy at the bottom of the hierarchy.

I was bullied in college so I'm going to downvote you because you made me feel sad.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#366

Post by decebalus1 »

icebraining wrote: post #190
PeterStuer wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is not just the US. 10 hour workdays (officially 7.8, but if you would actually 'just' do that and skip the 8am or the 6pm meetings you will not be keeping up with the Joneses and pay the piper) and spend 2-3 hours in commuting each day doesn't leave much for hobbies.

Meetings outside the working hours?! Where is this common? Here we work 9-6, but even in the places I've worked on where unpaid overtime was common (otherwise you wouldn't keep up with the workload), no manager would have the gall to schedule regular meetings outside working hours.

> Meetings outside the working hours?! Where is this common?

In all FAANG companies I worked at when I had geographically distributed teams.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#367

Post by icebraining »

chrisseaton wrote: post #257
icebraining wrote: post #248

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> how can you possibly have a meeting inside both people's 9-5 working hours? Don't have 9-5 working hours? Having a meeting at 8 is okay, but that should mean people get to leave earlier as well.

You can always have meetings inside working hours if you’re prepared to expand working hours either side as much as needed like that! In the modern international economy you’re going to have to be a bit flexible with hours.

Moving the hours around (from 9-5 to 8-4 or 10-6) is not expanding them, and it's already being flexible.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#368

Post by nickfromseattle »

intrasight wrote: post #166
orasis wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So much this! I am happily married but my wife understands that I tend to connect better with female friends than males. It took some time for me to reject the social taboo of a married male hanging out with platonic women friends but I’ve been so much happier for it.

I don't think there is a social taboo - I think it's more of a self-imposed taboo because we've been told forever that men and woman can't just be friends. I've found that if you are clear that you just want to be friends then there is no discomfort, and they will treat you nearly exactly the same as they treat there female friends. They will share their feelings, their concerns, their aspirations. That what needs to…

> I think it's more of a self-imposed taboo because we've been told forever that men and woman can't just be friends.

It's pretty interesting to think that men and women being friends is a very recent phenomenon, maybe starting in the 70s.

Before then, you got married at 19 or a similarly young age, and it wasn't appropriate to be friends with another man's wife.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#369

Post by sscarduzio »

almost_usual wrote: post #38
sscarduzio wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

how about joining the gym instead?

I’ve been going to the gym at least 4 days a week for years. Unless you’re into a specific niche thing it’s hard to socialize. I’ve found it easier to talk to others after getting into powerlifting. Most people at the gym have headphones in and are grinding out a workout as quickly as they can because they’re busy. At least that’s how it feels in SF.

Oh sorry I didn't mean that kind of gym. I joined a martial arts (muay Thai) gym and it was a great life changer. I don't want to fight, but I train hard with actual fighters and it's very bonding.

Sharing "pain" and passion with others created common ground with people that I had very little in common in the beginning (i.e. non tech, different age)

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