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I rebooted my social life

takes.jamesomalley.co.uk

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Re: I rebooted my social life

#351

Post by criddell »

seb1204 wrote: post #266
treis wrote: post #201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Everyone ALSO loves talking about themselves I see this a lot and it's interesting because I don't like to talk about myself much. Doubly so about work. I wonder how many of us there are.

What do you like to talk about? I'm passionate about my work and happy to discuss topics but not too keen to explain it to someone who has nill knowledge of the subject or industry.

I like to hear people talk about their hobbies and their favorite tv shows.

I don't like asking about movies, music, or books because those discussions can end up being performative.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#352

Post by anon84873628 »

simonask wrote: post #340
OGEnthusiast wrote: post #309

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, there's really not much that a single 45-year old guy has in common with a 45-year old whose married with kids. Maybe on paper they may appear to have similar jobs, live in similar places, etc. but they are on vastly different life paths with completely different interests (personal, political, social, etc.).

Interesting conversations and connections are with those people who are different from yourself, not with those who share the same experience of everything.

Yes but if you talk to different people with kids you're mostly going to hear the same things over and over again.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#353

Post by gilrain »

iamnothere wrote: post #121
andrewl wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What country are you in?

The US. I think the increased political polarization has changed things somewhat, as well as the aging of my peer demographic. People tend to become more close-minded and fixed in their beliefs as they age, so if you’re a freethinker who enjoys thought experiments and challenging norms then it’s difficult to find others who are similar. Even many so-called “freethinkers” merely regurgitate common talking points and c…

> adopt abhorrent positions as a way to understand the truth

That sounds very unpleasant to be around.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#355

Post by BlueTemplar »

lordnacho wrote: post #137

I also work from home, together with my wife. So even though we have kids, there is no necessity of leaving the house, save for 15 minutes a day on weekdays to drop off and pick up. The main thing people have to get over is passivity. You want to see your friends? Invite a bunch of people to come out. Nowadays it takes very little time to book a restaurant. I do this every few months. I just think of three or four ot…

IMHO online 'friendships' are dangerous in this context : they would fill part of the need for socialization, thus making you more complacent in not trying to seek out 'real' friendships.

Not to mention the time sink and addiction issues with some of the MMOs.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#356

Post by _vqpz »

Bratmon wrote: post #225
6thbit wrote: post #91

I came to the same conclusions as the author. Then I tried something like this and failed to get people interested. It’s draining for me to reach out to try and convince people, not sure if the social anxiety or the lack of executive functioning. Any tips for someone that understands and wants community but struggles with the building process?

Same as all socialization: If you're attractive, you'll succeed no matter what you try or how you try it (You do still have to try, but that's the only requirement). If you're unattractive, you'll fail no matter what you try or how you try it. There's a reason why success stories in this area never talk about the author being required to or benefiting from evolving their tactics.

The author's picture is available in the article, he's not exactly Henry Cavill. Not sure what makes you think that's a requirement for hosting a successful social event

Re: I rebooted my social life

#357

Post by tormeh »

mlrtime wrote: post #345
tormeh wrote: post #331

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you tried getting meta about sports and video games? I don't care about sports, but I'll be interested if you talk to me about the business of sports clubs or the technicalities of stadiums. Video games have a lot going on around them: The lawsuits and general weirdness around how Disco Elysium was made is the stuff of several documentaries, for example. Anecdotally, I'd say women are worse when it comes to inte…

> I'd say women are worse when it comes to interests You're looking at it wrong, or from a Mans perspective. Woman don't need the same "activities" or "hobbies" as men, these are doing thing that Men like. Woman just need to socialize to socialize. Thats why they have book clubs, brunches and wine/art. They just need to talk. YMMV: This is all generally speaking.

Absolutely. I think I might actually prefer this, somehow. It's very relaxed.

One thing that vexes me in dating women, however, is that it's hard to figure out what "type" of woman a woman is. I think men might be a bit easier to read at a glance.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#358

Post by BlueTemplar »

sph wrote: post #61
btrettel wrote: post #59

I've thought about starting my own community group, but I am pretty skeptical that I could find many folks interested in what I'm interested in. I think this is a real barrier to many. Any advice? To elaborate, in the US, existing groups tend to be narrow and uninteresting to me. In most places I've lived, it's basically a mix of sports/fitness groups, art groups, "tech" (i.e., programmer; traditional engineers like…

Funny, I've had the exact same thought, and doubts, as yours. I really dislike communities focused on a certain topic, as I really don't see myself as part of any one thing that defines me. If I were doing rock climbing, I still wouldn't enjoy talking about rock climbing the entire day with my rock climbing friends; my interests are much wider. Which is the reason I do not participate in any community on- and off-lin…

That's what churches are (also) for. (A synonym of 'church' is 'gathering'.)

Re: I rebooted my social life

#359

Post by gcanyon »

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #316
lumost wrote: post #291

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Doing something hard and a little bit scary together strengthens the bond This can’t be underestimated. Most of my adult friends come from my trekking hobby. Everyone struggles during a trek, group dynamics form, you stay surprisingly close with the people you trekked with.

I used to do long distance cycling with a few friends. We have a ridiculously tight bond around that suffering. So many hours asking each other what the hell we were thinking, and so many hours planning the next trips. We'd do 300, 400, 600km in a go. I miss it, and I miss them.

600km?! at what pace? I've ridden 190km a couple times, but that was a. a long time ago b. took all day. In my defense, it was on a fully-loaded touring bike, but even on a high-spec racing bike I can't imagine cranking (heh) out more than maybe 300km in one go.

Re: I rebooted my social life

#360

Post by gcanyon »

galaxyLogic wrote: post #249
_yb2s wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Good to hear, I struggle with depression and cold plunges have been life changing for me also. I would love to find a community to do it with.

The way Finns do it they take a hot Sauna in the winter and when they get out of the hot-room they go lay naked in the snow. Or plunge into the frozen lake through a sawed-out hole. Then they go back to the sauna again to feel the warmth again. It does feel great and stops you from dwelling in miserable thoughts. That may be part of the reason why Finns are ranked happiest people for multiple years.

I have to mention the 300 club at Amundsen-Scott station. When the temp outside hits -100 (F) they crank up their sauna to 200, then run from the sauna to outside in their underwear.
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