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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#341

Post by goobynight »

loftyal wrote: post #168
theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

Dude wtf, fuck that shit. I'd rather be unemployed than putting up with that shit

You would sooner find me living in a tent or teaching English for a pittance than putting up with this.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#342

Post by driverdan »

maxk42 wrote: post #298
klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

My company does this. Everyone's answer is always either 2 or 3. Anyone who answers 4 or 5 is going to get a talking-to and special attention and that's the last thing they want unless they're genuinely on the verge of quitting. It's not a meaningful KPI where I work, since everyone's basically bullshitting all the time to keep the number low.

That sounds like a terrible place to work. I'd be looking for a new job.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#343

Post by patientplatypus »

Not really.

It's looking more and more like the (human-civilized) world is going to end from an environmental apocalypse because people keep working jobs they hate to buy shit they don't need. And there's nothing that can be done to stop it. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't think the world was about to go to war over what little resources are left.

So how you doin?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#344

Post by rubicon33 »

schnitzelstoat wrote: post #225
MentallyRetired wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd ask what third world country you live in, but it really sounds like America right now.

I was thinking the UK due to Brexit and austerity under the Conservatives etc.

I was thinking the US because of the viscous atmosphere between democrats / conservatives.

It feels like we're sliding backwards in civil discourse and it's quite disappointing. We've lost all patience for our neighbor. It's all a black and white, right or wrong, "where do YOU stand?" environment.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#345

Post by tj-teej »

Two years ago I wasn't. My mother had died a year beforehand and I was still getting through that. I had a boss who didn't accept "excuses" and was new to software and didn't know how to set expectations well. I wasn't exercising and didn't have a meaningful romantic relationship.

I'm posting this as things today are so different. I have a very supportive boss, a wonderful girlfriend and I'm happy almost everyday. Looking back I was very depressed, but time heals all wounds.

For those of you who feel helpless, please don't give up, try and take baby steps towards things that will make you happy and one day you'll wake up and things will be better.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#346

Post by rubicon33 »

dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

> I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelled off and sold before I was even born.

You and me both brother.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#348

Post by malloreon »

I'm in a weird place.

I've changed careers a couple times, and so find myself not as far along in my late 30s as peers of my age. My current job is great, but I also have a side project that made me a good amount of money a few years ago that I've let languish in the meantime, because doing both is difficult. I find myself longing to dive back into it, but fear of failure and general fatigue keeps me away.

Similarly, I'm single when most of my friends are married with children, and as such don't see them very often anymore - we're just at different places in life.

That gives me lots of time to date, and I date a lot, but I'm very good at finding short term dating situations and I run away when the potential to become long term appears. I wrestle with the fear that having settling down and having a family has passed me by.

On top of all that, my parents' health isn't the best.

I don't sleep well these days.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#349

Post by rubicon33 »

RosanaAnaDana wrote: post #283
djsumdog wrote: post #217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I made it out a few times. After a break-in, I took off backpacking and lived off $20k NZD of savings for nearly a year: https://khanism.org/perspective/minimalism/ I attempted this a 2nd time in a car and it wasn't quite as good, but I'm still glad I did it: https://khanism.org/perspective/a-tale-of-two-journeys/ If you're under 30, holiday work visas are great. Tons of countries have these agreements, they're cheap…

I just want to make an aside point here, that for the vast majority of people on the planet, the idea that they would have 20k in savings to take a year off is just wishful thinking. To be able to even get to the point of having 20k in savings, you must have an incredible safety net in terms of both society and family that allows that to happen. You are incredibly privileged to have been able to even save that kind o…

Not only is the 20k savings a barrier of entry for most people, but this type of advice comes with massive assumptions about one's own life.

Good luck doing this if you're in a committed relationship. Good luck doing this if you have kids, for example.

For anyone who's put down even basic roots, this is a difficult bit of advice, if not downright unhelpful.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#350

Post by [deleted] »

dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

[deleted]
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