I see a lot of comments here focused on their individual experiences and opinions, which is fine. But on those comments I see a lot of people saying they won't have kids. Which individually is their choice, but collectively, combined with people who do have kids have them older which can lead to fertility issues when they want to have them, combined with the increase in the number of people who is LGBTQ+ which again it's their choice and nothing wrong with that individually, but as a species we can see how these factors combined, and other factors, are the cause of drop in number of children born in all countries. I recently read that in Japan there are more adult diapers sold than baby diapers because of drop in births and increase of aging population. This seems to be driving us to extinction as a species, just food for thought.
The window for great-grandmothers is closing
331–340 of 494 posts
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#332Earlier quoted context omitted.
Not a parent, but I feel the same about myself. Having a kid at 22 would’ve been a mess to say the least. Looking back at that age halfway through my 30s, at that point I wasn’t much more than an overgrown 16 year old that could legally walk into a bar who wouldn’t get his head screwed on quite right for another 6 years or so at minimum.
the component that is getting lost in our culture, which in other cultures is still more present is that grandparents play an active role in helping the young parents to raise their children. in chinese culture for example the young couple moves in with the husbands parents, and so grandparents are always around to give advice and help. when our first was born we moved to live a few km from the grandparents, and ther…
I thought you were going to say it for a minute there - the cultural component that you speak of that I feel is missing in our US culture during the younger years is 'duty'
I was also a mess in my 20s and i had a lot of growing up to do to prepare for kids. Yet. Even after kids, I didnt really grow up quickly enough until kids forced the issue.
Having kids and being responsible for someone else who is solely deoendent on you to have a shot at decent life is a monumental duty. I did not have this imprinted on me and I can see why. Our values today are very different from those of my parents and grandparents, and I think that's the big difference.
Im not sure how we lost that as a culture. Maybe its bad leaders (bill Clinton affair etc), loss of religion, loss of community time due to diminished economic opportunity locally (flyover states, most former industrial towns and even cities), economic migration to large metros breaking family ties, all certainly played a role.
it seems correct to say that duty was the slowly boiled frog in the pan, and it looks increasingly hard for the frog to jump out
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#333I see a lot of comments here focused on their individual experiences and opinions, which is fine. But on those comments I see a lot of people saying they won't have kids. Which individually is their choice, but collectively, combined with people who do have kids have them older which can lead to fertility issues when they want to have them, combined with the increase in the number of people who is LGBTQ+ which again…
> are the cause of drop in number of children born in all countries.
Yes.
> This seems to be driving us to extinction as a species
No.
There are more people alive now than there ever has been. Ever.
This will continue until at least 2100 when numbers may finally peak and then fall.
When human populations numbers fall there is no sane reason to think that they will plummet to zero.
It is far more likely numbers will decrease to the mid 10 billions and more or less stabilise.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#334I see a lot of comments here focused on their individual experiences and opinions, which is fine. But on those comments I see a lot of people saying they won't have kids. Which individually is their choice, but collectively, combined with people who do have kids have them older which can lead to fertility issues when they want to have them, combined with the increase in the number of people who is LGBTQ+ which again…
> are the cause of drop in number of children born in all countries. Yes. > This seems to be driving us to extinction as a species No. There are more people alive now than there ever has been. Ever. This will continue until at least 2100 when numbers may finally peak and then fall. When human populations numbers fall there is no sane reason to think that they will plummet to zero. It is far more likely numbers will d…
> This will continue until at least 2100 when numbers may finally peak and then fall.
That's due to the higher fertility rate of countries like Niger, Angola etc which far outpace the declining rates of most of the rest of the world like China, Russia, Europe, Japan, South Corea, USA, etc.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#335Earlier quoted context omitted.
You seem to not be living in the real world, instead pining for "old values" which obviously not many people still live by.
Your "solution" to the problem that adults now are claiming to be unable to become parents is, literally, "cure aging". Mine is "accept that you can not do it on your own and have them at a age where your parents can still help you ." The fact that people are forgetting these "old values" is what is bringing to this unsustainable state, and instead of accepting the reality of our limited lifespans and that people hav…
>Mine is "accept that you can not do it on your own and have them at a age where your parents can still help you."
If people wanted to do that, they would. They obviously don't want to do that, for various reasons. What's your solution now, genius?
>Who is "not living in the real world"?
You, because you're the one telling people to go back to the "good old days" and then shaking his fist because they aren't.
If people had listened to people like you throughout human history, we'd still be living in caves.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#336Earlier quoted context omitted.
John Tyler was born on March 29, 1790 and served as the 10th President of the USA from 1841-1845. His Grandson, Harrison Ruffin Tyler (Born November 9, 1928), is still alive today.
According to Wikipedia, John died in 1862 and Harrison was born in 1928. So he never met his grandfather. It makes me wonder - who is the oldest "directly-known" person? Maybe there's a better term for this. What I mean is, of all of the currently-living people, who is the person that one of them actually met who was born the earliest?
> Maybe there's a better term for this.
Seems to be the rule used in Coco.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#337Aren't life expectancy at birth figures heavily skewed by infant mortality rates. I think this is quite a commonly misunderstood statistic for this reason. So while it's true that in the past a new born baby's chances of becoming a great grandparent were much lower than they would be today, that would mainly be due to the low chances of them ever reaching adulthood and becoming a parent at all, rather than the chance…
Not only. Check the mortality rates. They've gone down for the higher ages. People really live longer past childhood.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#338Earlier quoted context omitted.
The best part about being a mature parent is that you have much more control over how you raise your kids. No way in hell did I ever trust teachers, grandparents, coaches, etc. over my actual parents. My parents were in their 30s when I was born. Their skepticism not only decoupled them from depending on people they didn't trust, but their perspective rubbed off on me and set me up for success. Older parents have no…
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I 100% disagree.
On the average it may be 100% right, but of you zoom in, you will see a bunch of problems.
For example:
- kids turning out really poorly if they have bad parenting. Magnitude matters too.
- I suspect the data is not capturing kids that literally died (is the fentanyl crisis over? Are those kids counted?)
- some parenting groups likely have lopsided outcomes (Ie kids from yougest parents may turn out badly, while those from older parents may not be impacted at all)
In conclusion. Outcomes are strongly tied to genetics up to a breaking point, where if the "parenting" variable is so deficient, things go bad, fast.
My contention is that parenting doesnt matter at all on average, except that when it does, it's the main determinant for outcome.
And further, i posit that this parenting variable is increasingly worse over time.
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#339Its sad and a crisis. However I have money saved and a comfy job. Yet I am exhausted. Domapnied burned out mess adhd riddled anxiety kissless virgin
I don't know if this is the right time for you to hear this, but don't establish your identity around things that you haven't done. Or fine, do it, but once you have done them, you'll immediately realize how dumb it was to let not having done them define you.
Its more I work 8h and I am exhausted and sit on youtube for 5h until bedtime and repeat thats my life
Re: The window for great-grandmothers is closing
#340Earlier quoted context omitted.
Its bad. Ofc course its bad to have a smaller support network.
Support networks are not necessarily limited to blood relatives. (in particular, I was never within 5 hours of gp or ggp until my teens, and born multiple TZ away. then again, I'm in the "come home before it gets dark" generation; ymmv)
No but its nice
We have cheap daycare, maternity leave etc etc here in Sweden but having some another dropoff for the kids is still nice for parents