https://interessesuperioredelminore.wordpress.com/2020/11/01...
'just go with prenups' is m00t if corrupt magistrates are involved. And most of them in the first world are corrupt. For money.
Divorce does funny things
331–340 of 386 posts
Re: Divorce does funny things
#332I can say with great confidence - do not get married. Do not live in a common law state. You will very likely regret it immensely. If I had been legally married to my ex - I would’ve been raked over the coals. I could see myself being the man on that rig. She contributed nothing to our relationship (financially or emotionally) and I put her through college while she didn’t work or pay for anything. Yet, even if I sho…
I funnel all my money into crypto and then into cash in another country. Good luck finding that.
Re: Divorce does funny things
#333Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm impressed how you jumped from me using a reasonable commonsense estimate (deceptive people tend to be less trustworthy) to conclusion that I must be anti-science. Reminds of the droning crowds who claimed in March 2020 that masks don't work "because there is no supporting research".
> Do you consult arxiv every time you jaywalk? What am I supposed to take from that? That you're for the use of scientific research here? > Reminds of the droning crowds who claimed in March 2020 that masks don't work "because there is no supporting research". Since you brought it up, maybe if you supported looking into the research more often you'd be aware of how little supporting evidence there is - not research,…
Oh wow so you're an antimasker too, didn't have that on my bingo card. Thing is I did wonder how last years WHO-antimaskers cope with the advise reversal. Now I see they didn't.
We found that communities with high reported mask-wearing and physical distancing had the highest predicted probability of transmission control.
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/landig/article/PIIS2589-7...
Not a shocker really given how all successful containment measures over the pandemic did include masks (same for earlier SARS outbreaks). And we literally had a hundred years worth of practice using masks for airborne transmission diseases to draw conclusions from.
> What am I supposed to take from that?
That it's entirely possible to use common sense to gauge everyday risks without demanding a peer reviewed study. Crossing into traffic is dangerous. Mechanical barriers help catch particles. Deceptive people are less trustworthy. A formal study would often quantify that, but coming to opposite conclusion than common sense concept happens very infrequently and then usually warrant a replication study.
However the dynamic with online peertards is they use proof requests as an attempt to shut down the discussion, knowing all well that finding supporting research (which often does exist!) in unfamiliar field is a lot of work. When people object to that, the perfect trifecta of cookie-cutter strawman, ad-hominem and non-sequitir accusation follows.
In our case you didn't seem to bother looking for peer reviewed research that cheaters are more (or even just as ) trustworthy as baseline, which would be a really remarkable, counter-intuitive result worth sharing. Nope, you'd rather latch on an entirely reasonable comment and insist that not playing along with your foolishness is anti-intillectualism.
Re: Divorce does funny things
#334I can say with great confidence - do not get married. Do not live in a common law state. You will very likely regret it immensely. If I had been legally married to my ex - I would’ve been raked over the coals. I could see myself being the man on that rig. She contributed nothing to our relationship (financially or emotionally) and I put her through college while she didn’t work or pay for anything. Yet, even if I sho…
I am sincerely grieved for you and your situation, and wish you find joy and perhaps re-discover trust for women in the future. Hopefully it is not poor taste, but I do disagree with your advice. Yes, marriage comes with a great deal of risk, because it is codifying your love. Love itself is risk, though. As C.S. Lewis said: > To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly…
I'm adding to what bradlys has written in response.
Women, marriage, love are different things. We should not let these be confused together. A push back against marriage is not same as that against love, and nor against women in general.
Re: Divorce does funny things
#335I can say with great confidence - do not get married. Do not live in a common law state. You will very likely regret it immensely. If I had been legally married to my ex - I would’ve been raked over the coals. I could see myself being the man on that rig. She contributed nothing to our relationship (financially or emotionally) and I put her through college while she didn’t work or pay for anything. Yet, even if I sho…
Upvoted, unfortunately it happened to me. I out-earned my spouse by 4x and lost everything when she decided she wasn't happy. Do not expect any gratitude : You have no idea who your ex-wife until you meet her in family court. My ex wife took half of our (my) assets (including my 401k). The lawyers took what was left as I was fighting to prevent her from moving away 3'000 miles with our kids (I had to pay for both her…
Upvoting everything you have said.
Feeling sorry for you too.
Re: Divorce does funny things
#336My advice for anyone going through a difficult time with a partner or anyone really would be to talk to a therapist. That is what they are there for. You can only influence and change one person and that person is you. Focus on yourself. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness. There are some practical skills to learn too like the five secrets of communication. But you don't have to suffer and take the st…
Would I be correct in guessing that you have not faced such a situation yourself?
My motivation for asking -- What you wrote is advice inexperienced people commonly give. It's nothing that those facing the challenge would not already know.
Having faced the challenge, I see several flaws / loose ends in your advice, and would recommend you or anyone reading the same to be watch out, and do your best to learn from the experiences of people who have gone through.
Keep in mind that if one is not facing the challenge, it need not be because of some special skill or wisdom they may have, but just because of chance, and vice versa.
Re: Divorce does funny things
#337Earlier quoted context omitted.
Are they? At least among wealthy men, it seems much more common for them to remarry and make a brand new second family while the ex wife is left doing most things for the first set of kids. Plus, it’s significantly more common for men to leave their wives when their wives get diagnosed with cancer than vice versa. IMO, divorce sucks worst for whoever is the most conscientious person and invested in the family, regard…
All can be true. Reading statistics, on average, men are financially better after divorce women worst. Men feel more lonely after divorce and women feel happier after divorce. Men are more likely to find new partner sooner after divorce, women are more likely to stay single for long time.
> men are financially better after divorce women worst.
Does that take into account how much work both are putting in towards earning? Or it's just considering the net numbers? Women may be worse financially looking at just the numbers, however, may still be ahead when their efforts into earning are taken in account. Or when the damages they did are properly taken into account for determining what the position of justice should be.
Re: Divorce does funny things
#338Earlier quoted context omitted.
> I felt like I didn't actually know what happened in the past, so I didn't know who I was in the present, and the future I was working towards was gone. It was existentially disorienting. I feel like it happens a lot in modern relationships. People become so interdependent and build themselves and their identities propped against each-other (to the point of neglecting families and friends even), so much that when it…
> ~50% of married couple divorce That figure is outdated and I'd challenge what it represents. Here's more up to date info: >The most recent data we have from the 2019 American Community Survey puts the rate at 14.9 divorces per 1,000 marriages, the lowest number since 1970. [0] Further, the "50% of marriages end in divorce" is heavily skewed because it includes serial divorces/remarriages. If 5 couples marry for lif…
How come you don't count these 5 marriages this 1 person went through?
You have 5 stable marriages + 5 marriages that ended up in divorce = 10 marriages in total
So yes, 50% of marriages are 'unstable' in your example.
If you count people affected, (and even assuming that these failed marriages were with a partner who was never married either before or after), then you have:
10 people in 'stable' marriages + 6 people in 'unstable' marriages -> still not quite the 80/20 ratio
Re: Divorce does funny things
#339I can say with great confidence - do not get married. Do not live in a common law state. You will very likely regret it immensely. If I had been legally married to my ex - I would’ve been raked over the coals. I could see myself being the man on that rig. She contributed nothing to our relationship (financially or emotionally) and I put her through college while she didn’t work or pay for anything. Yet, even if I sho…
What if you meet a woman who makes approximately the same (or more) to take the financial risk off the table. Would that change your mind?
Choosing someone with comparable earning power might lead to a more interesting partner anyway