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How to talk to anyone and why you should

theguardian.com

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Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#321

Post by alfyboy »

jadtz wrote: post #308
abcde666777 wrote: post #141

I went through a phase where I forced myself to socialise a lot to overcome social awkwardness and anxiety. Was well worth it, both in terms of leveling up my social skills but also in terms of eventually becoming very comfortable with myself. The main ingredient, at least for me, was being determined enough to push through the discomfort. A lot of the early interactions were awkward, sometimes overtly uncomfortable,…

I am still at the awkward early interaction stage. How do you know what to say?, usually I can start the conversation but I don’t know where to take it after. How are you able to shift to the next stage when you have both agreed that the weather today is nice. How do you get over the feeling that you are wasting their time? Finally, how do you end the conversation when you're still going in the same direction or wait…

Honestly, it doesn't really matter what you say. It's mostly about body language and not seeming like a threat (smile). You can talk about whatever. Tell them about a movie you just saw and ask them about recommendations. Ask them for restaurant or dinner suggestions. Tell them about that article you just read which you found intereting.

If they are open to small talk, they will drop some tidbits that you can spring off on. Conversation is a two way street. If they don't seem interested in keeping the conversation going, tell them to have a nice day and carry on with yours.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#322

Post by vasco »

jjav wrote: post #307
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

> I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it. Which country are you in? I'm from a latin country and the norm is that you end up chatting about life the universe and everything with any random people you share a space with for more than one minute. But in the USA that doesn't really fly. Talking is transactional, either a business deal is going on or shut up. I've been in the USA fo…

When I visited New York City (and the US) for the first time in like 2010 I was taken a back but how much Americans like to chat randomly so this is strange to read.

I remember a random guy was chatting to me in the subway, then I got out, waiting at a crosswalk for the green, in those 15 seconds another guy starts another random conversation. In the first 2 hours of the trip I already had maybe 10 random circumstantial conversations. The whole trip I felt like if I wanted I could always be talking!

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#324

Post by miroljub »

nvarsj wrote: post #304
miroljub wrote: post #270

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This advice is not for everyone. Obviously this works only if you are an extrovert. Introverts would find this kind of interaction a wasteful use of limited social energy available to them.

Not sure why you got downvoted with a perfectly valid opinion! I’ve done what OP describes but I’m heavily introverted and likely HSP too. I’m pretty good at it but it’s incredibly exhausting. My father is exactly the same way. As I get older, the more I consider self care and prioritising my own needs over others to be happy. To that end, I much prefer to keep to myself and so I do. However it doesn’t stop me from e…

Exactly my point, you just formulated it better than I could.

The problem with extroverts is they assume everyone is like them. And they are pretty loud and push their opinions on others without the ability to listen and reflect. They would ignore that you are not like them, and would come up with all the arguments about "trying", "limiting growth", "training the muscles".

You can't accept that I know what's good for me? You want to change me? You think you know me better than I do? Then fuck you, I'll just stop talking to you without even telling you why.

And that's the exact reason why, in the real world, I just stop any communication with them. If they cannot adjust their communication so it can be enjoyable to me, I'm not going to pretend I enjoy communicating with them.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#325

Post by jjkaczor »

jcattle wrote: post #298
TurdF3rguson wrote: post #205

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Let's hear the joke.

All of these have to be told light-hearted, as observational "jokes". Not like you are actually annoyed. You're just making light of a situation. "I guess the bus is just never on time here, huh" (Stuck in line at the grocers) "Friday evening rush-hour" Same kind of thing with whatever you are observing, at the Doctor, in the gym, waiting for the light to turn, etc, etc. It's all shit jokes if you can even call them…

Exactly this - yesterday I was in line at the grocery store and the cashier and customer ahead of me were complaining about our long, frigid winter (not normal for this region) - I joked about how if the long-range forecasts were correct we will be up to +18c next Saturday and we all laughed about the launch straight from winter into "summer". And we all moved on - not everything has to be an in-depth conversation.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#326

Post by robotbikes »

jjav wrote: post #307
SequoiaHope wrote: post #11

After a bad breakup in 2015, I followed some advice from the socialskills subreddit to “talk to everyone” so that you get better at talking to women you might want to date. The advice was not to only talk to attractive people but everyone. The old man reading a Russian newspaper, the kid on bike doing tricks, people in the elevator. I do that now and it brings me a lot of joy. Recently while leaving a botanical garde…

> I highly recommend talking to strangers! People are lovely. Go out and try it. Which country are you in? I'm from a latin country and the norm is that you end up chatting about life the universe and everything with any random people you share a space with for more than one minute. But in the USA that doesn't really fly. Talking is transactional, either a business deal is going on or shut up. I've been in the USA fo…

I think a lot of it has to do with the somewhat complicated engagement protocol, if everyone assumes that nobody else wants to talk then it's easier to just keep your head down and at best nod or even avert eye contact but when someone extends a level of conversational courtesy I think people often respond in kind. My challenge is that I don't often have the impulse to break the ice but when I do and feel genuinely outgoing people tend to appreciate the chit chat even if it's just about the weather but I also have many moments of standing awkwardly in elevators silently ascending or walking down the street silently and even feeling awkward ordering food. Being able to consistently be outgoing I feel would be a net positive but I'm not sure what the trick is to just turn it on without it feeling forced.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#327

Post by matwood »

jmye wrote: post #210
johnnyanmac wrote: post #197

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not the majority, but one black eye will make you rethink everything regardless.

Man, how many "hey, how are you"s do you think are ending in a black eye ? What ridiculous hyperbole.

Yeah, some of the responses in this thread I hope are just jokes. Asking someone how their day is going is bare minimum social behavior that should carry zero risk of anything.

Re: How to talk to anyone and why you should

#328

Post by beaker52 »

The other day I saw a guy on the train looking at pictures he was actively receiving of a topless woman. He was clearly enjoying it, in his own little world, so I leaned over and said “don’t get scammed buddy”.

His anger brewed for a few minutes and he decided he wanted to fight me, so he menacingly stood up. I remained seated and told him to sit down. He ended up grabbing me by the throat, while no-one around did a thing to stop him.

It’s made me think twice about interacting with random people, tits or no tits. But I doubt I’ll learn anything from it and continue with reckless abandon, because life is mundane otherwise.

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