Should more of us be moving to live near friends? • Hacker News Board

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#311

Post by coding123 » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:04 PM UTC

phil21 wrote: post #288

nox101 wrote: post #278

Earlier quoted context omitted.

what is your definition of "high trust society". I don't consider the USA a high trust society having lived in Japan and Singapore. In Japan and Singapore, I trust that others won't steal my stuff. I trust that I won't be mugged. I trust that my packages won't be stolen. I trust that my car will not be broken into. In the USA and Europe I trust none of that. I've had cars broken into 5 times, bikes stolen 5 times, ca…

The US is slowly (rapidly?) devolving into a low-trust society. What used to be pockets of low-trust are spreading rapidly by my estimation. It's been sad to watch it slowly get worse every year. It goes for all things, not just petty/street crime though. Everything from business owners not prioritizing doing good work and building local reputation, employees slacking off as much as possible, investors demanding extr…

Have you also noticed all the recalls on pretty much everything we eat? Huge sign that people are not working.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#312

Post by bluGill » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:05 PM UTC

wholinator2 wrote: post #297

brightball wrote: post #247

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agree with this 100%. It’s so much easier to have kids if your parents live nearby to help too. Root cause is moving for work IMO.

Yes and since a majority of college goers now see it as a job mill (that's what it is for most) the move for college is also just a preemptive move for work

Most people go to college not very far from where they grew up. That is in the same state or only one state away. Then they move back home afterwards. (or they fall in love with someone, and move near that person's family thus getting a new family)

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#313

Post by Loughla » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:08 PM UTC

dlisboa wrote: post #71

Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…

>or staying in the same small town for your whole life.

I'm living this now. We moved back to have kids near friends and family after college. The judgment I get from people for being a towny is ASTOUNDING. I have to justify the reason for being here and talk about how I've lived in other places for a few years for people to take me seriously. It's ridiculous.

Why shouldn't I bring my experience back to fix the problems in this area? What's the problem with that?

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#314

Post by alonsonic » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:08 PM UTC

rauljordan2020 wrote: post #150

dlisboa wrote: post #71

Coming from a Latin American the idea of re-starting your life across the country for college and then again for work (multiple times sometimes) while away from family and friends is very foreign. A lot of the conversation around modern American youth feeling isolated, lacking socialization and not building strong relationships seems that stem from this drive. Another thing that’s really weird and related is another…

I’m from latin america. The world is a vast, beautiful place with stunning, clean cities full of opportunity and serendipity. Either I can explore the world and live in these places, or go back to my dangerous, dirty city to spend the rest of my life there because family lives there. Sometimes it isn’t worth the tradeoff

Family and friends have a bigger impact on ell being than you think. A lot of people in "dirty cities" are shown to live a happier and more fulfilling life with less when they have a strong community they're part of.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#315

Post by bluGill » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:09 PM UTC

gonzo789620 wrote: post #168

pseudocomposer wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People you meet later in life - even much later, even when you have a wife and kids - can absolutely come to know “the real you.” (I might describe “closeness of relationships over time” as “asymptotic, with an upper limit” or at least “with diminishing returns,” if we want to get really math-y about something that is not really measurable.) But you have to be open to that, and it also requires a lot of social skills…

Can you elaborate on the social skills that aren't otherwise demanded? I can relate to this a bit, but I feel like I'm only starting to scratch the surface

The real problem is most people later in life are full of friends and thus don't really need more. They have and used those social skills in school (including college), but then settled into life and made friends. As one friend moves away they will need a different one, but that doesn't happen often and so they don't need to make friends. It isn't that they are unfriendly, just that they already have a social life as full as they want it.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#316

Post by the_af » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:09 PM UTC

Dalewyn wrote: post #246

dsign wrote: post #230

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What really needs to happen is we need to figure out ways of facilitating friend formation/maintenance in this brave new world of the internet and atheism. We are going to need some new social technologies to really combat this. I wonder how in your opinion atheism enters in the picture? My first guess (of your reference) is that certain religions frighten people into remaining in a marriage they would otherwise no…

This is going on a tangent, but I would like to point out to you that Atheism is itself a religion: It's a belief in no god(s), a belief in refuting god(s). I'm Japanese, we (Japan) consider ourselves Non-Religious when we choose to celebrate newborn life at Shinto Shrines, weddings at Christian Churches, and funerals and graves at Buddhist Temples with no dogmatic attachment to any of them as an institution as we go…

> but I would like to point out to you that Atheism is itself a religion: It's a belief in no god(s), a belief in refuting god(s).

This definition of atheism is non-standard, and dilutes the meaning of "religion".

Let it be noted that almost all atheists will disagree with you that it is a religion. Not all of them, of course, because atheism isn't an organized movement with a doctrine which states what is and isn't "true" atheism.

It's not a religion, though, by any reasonable definition of the term.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#317

Post by the_af » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:12 PM UTC

bluGill wrote: post #289

jhardy54 wrote: post #259

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Atheism is not a religion – it’s simply the absence of belief in gods. Religions involve organized systems of practices, rituals, and doctrines, none of which apply to atheism. Not believing in something doesn’t make it a belief system, just like not collecting stamps isn’t a hobby.

Atheism has a large component of refute the existence of God, make practice of region hard for those who are religion and so on. There is the I don't believe in God and I'm not interested in anything more. However there are a lot of vocal Atheists who have turned it into a religion with practices, rituals and doctrines around proving there is no God and thus I elevate that to a religion. You can choose where you want…

You're describing a fictitious brand of atheism, one that I -- surrounded by friends and family who are atheists -- have never observed.

Atheists simply don't believe in any gods. Lowercase "gods", it's not exclusive to the Christian God, which a specific god we also don't believe exists.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#318

Post by JackMorgan » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:13 PM UTC

bnlxbnlx wrote: post #206

I'm living with my partner and her brother and family and another family who are friends of ours in a house (which has three apartments). We moved there to live together (and continued to work remotely or found work elsewhere). Six adults, six children. It's an absolute treat. I can't imagine going back to a nuclear family setup. Living in a larger web with more support from all sides (both for adults and children) i…

Do you ever get on each other's nerves? Are the apartments separated enough that there's noise issues?

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#319

Post by bluGill » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:13 PM UTC

extr wrote: post #46

I go back and forth on this. I still keep in touch with a bunch of high school and college friends. For better or worse those guys know "the real me" and the history and relationships are impossible to replace. They all still live close together but I live far away - I only see them once or twice a year, if that (less right now because we're all in the "very young kids" stage). I miss them. On the other hand, when I…

What is wrong with your situation? Make friends where you are. If you live close to your wife's family make friends with them.

If there is something wrong with your current situation, then perhaps you and your wife need to talk this over. Maybe you need to move to get away from whatever is wrong. Are you old friends new hobbies/interests things that you could get into, and their wives someone your wife could become friends with - if so great: move back and renew your former connections as it will be easy to break in. If not maybe moving a long way to where both of you have no friends is the right answer so you can start over. Make sure you choose a place where want to join a local culture, not the same things you are trying to get away from.

Re: Should more of us be moving to live near friends?

#320

Post by the_af » Sat, Dec 28, 2024, 4:15 PM UTC

lazide wrote: post #238

bluepizza wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We tend to be pushed towards immigration because of a lack of safety, of growth opportunities, and no hope that things will get any better. With that in mind, if Latin America had safety, I suspect at least half of the immigrants wouldn't leave, especially the ones who are able to hold a middle class job. Most of us would live in a lower standard of life if it allowed to stay close to friends and family. But not bein…

More $$$ is a strong motivator. Latin American tends to be unsafe (physically), but the money probably plays a bigger motivating factor. Remittances and ‘doing it for the family back home’ are common themes.

> Latin American tends to be unsafe (physically)

Depending on which country and which city, Latin American cities are not more dangerous than risky US cities. Many of our cities are reasonably safe. There are burglaries, muggings and robbery like in most big cities all over the world -- no more, and no less.

There are some "trouble" hot spots that are particularly dangerous, of course. The same can be said of the US.