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Never waste a midlife crisis

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#311

Post by dspillett »

flir wrote: post #194
tayo42 wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What exactly is a panic attack? Like your just watching TV and suddenly convinced you'll die? Or was it like at work, something woukd happen and you freak out?

I'll attempt an answer: it's your flight-or-flight response kicking in, without any obvious reason for it to do so. Oxygen intake goes up, muscles tense up, adrenaline production kicks in, but there's nothing for your body to "spend" these physiological changes on (like running for your life), so it just sloshes around causing panic attack symptoms (eg sweating, trembling, shortness of breath, chest pain, nausea, det…

> without any obvious reason for it to do so

without any obvious RATIONAL reason for it to do so – sometimes there is an obvious something, or a sequence of somethings, that lead up to the attack, if you trace it back.

Like with a phobia where the fear not being based on rational reasoning doesn't make the reason for the fear reaction any less real.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#312

Post by sph »

badpun wrote: post #268
sph wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Don't. People and peers on the internet are selling the bullshit idea that they're doing a lot and you're just lazying around. It's fake news. They're selling you a mirage, not by malice, but because everyone else is doing it. You keep hearing of the Ken Thompsons and Oppenheimers and you barely have the mental fortitude to plumb 2 JS libraries in a work day. Stop pursuing the things you should do. Do less. Slave awa…

> Until you reach a point where you find your innate creativity you thought you had lost in your teenage years shining in, driving you. That might require a massive lifestyle change. I'm 42, don't have to work any more really and haven't been for some time now, and the innate creativity is not calling me at all. Perhaps I was always a bit dull, lol. Anyway, people should be seriously prepared for the possibility that…

You're not dull. Creativity is a loaded word. To me creativity is a state of play.

Have you ever played as a child? Chance are you did. Are you able to do stuff you enjoy without anyone forcing you to? That's creativity.

My creativity is computer science related. For others it's painting, poetry, dancing or being a top fragger at Counter Strike. Just find out what is fun for you and maximize it. That's innate, and we don't lose it with age, we lose it because we become too busy to deal with bollocks imposed upon us.

And why should you maximise play? Because it's the point where drive, focus, fun and personal accomplishment are maximised. That's what I aim for.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#313

Post by Gareth321 »

bdbaoanai wrote: post #259
nytesky wrote: post #110

Midlife crisis is about recognizing your mortality and limited time left, and looking at what you have done and finding it comes up short to what you hoped for your life. The reality of how little time you have left is a key component, that death is stalking every decision and will likely curtail some plans.

Honest question. Is midlife crisis and/or burn out a problem that you face only when you can afford it? I am a frist generation immigrant in the US. I do ok for myself and am at a vantage point of seeing my peers etc have these issues but I also can't forget that my parents worked much harder for much less, with similar, if not lot more stresses, and I don't think it was even an option for my mom/dad to have the luxu…

> Is midlife crisis and/or burn out a problem that you face only when you can afford it?

Yes. See Maslow’s Hierarchy.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#314

Post by nickd2001 »

xyzelement wrote: post #2

I wonder if the mid life crisis is a completely modern and secular malady. Thinking to my religious friends who have 5+ kids, a rich spiritual life and deep engagement with community, it's very hard to imagine them going through one. Because they are too busy, but mainly because their life is oriented from the get-go around what is very meaningful to them

100% . People who prioritise helping others, as long as they don't overdo it and burn out, are far less prone to depression. Having a bad day? Feeling depressed, frustrated with your life? Go do something to put a smile on someone else's face. That can really snap you out of it. Of course, we (and I'd have to include myself) all forget to do this as often as we should. I agree that its a secular malady. Its almost as though Jesus was exactly right and knew what was good for us ( * caveat - this is based on an assumption that Jesus actually existed / what he said was correctly reported ;). )

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#315

Post by lm28469 »

OO000oo wrote: post #77
sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

38 yo male now starting to think I don’t know what a midlife crisis is.

It's what people say they suffer when they made bad decisions for decades and figured out they missed the good part(s), happens a lot to people who sacrifice everything to climb the corporate ladder or focus too much on work or other artificial goals. Not everyone goes through it

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#316

Post by lm28469 »

nytesky wrote: post #110

Midlife crisis is about recognizing your mortality and limited time left, and looking at what you have done and finding it comes up short to what you hoped for your life. The reality of how little time you have left is a key component, that death is stalking every decision and will likely curtail some plans.

Daily Seneca quote: "What man can you show me who places any value on his time, who reckons the worth of each day, who understands that he is dying daily? For we are mistaken when we look forward to death; the major portion of death has already passed. Whatever years lie behind us are in death's hands."

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#317

Post by sph »

tayo42 wrote: post #175
sph wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It was being a little cheeky. And if a massive burnout whose first month was having daily panic attacks and 3 years to recover is garden variety, I am afraid to know what a serious one entails ;) Depression was part of the baggage I was carrying around all my life. It's hard to say, given the state of things, but perhaps depression is one thing I was lucky to shed during this phase.

What exactly is a panic attack? Like your just watching TV and suddenly convinced you'll die? Or was it like at work, something woukd happen and you freak out?

Panic attack is very hard to describe, but has a unique symptom: the feeling of impending doom.

Everything about you is telling you something is very fucking wrong right now and you're about to perish. Your survival instinct kicks in, fight or flight, heart races, chest feels tight, tunnel vision, you sweat and hyperventilate. You basically are having the sensation of a heart attack or something equally catastrophic, but nothing is actually going on.

It is the most terrifying thing that can happen to you. The first 5 times are hell, then you learn that it tends to be relatively short lived, even if it feels like eternity. What I do is take my phone out and look at the time. Come hell or high water, in 20 minutes I will be fine. Relief often is sudden, but there's times you stay in a state of sub-panic for longer than that.

Truth be told, full blown panic attacks are, even for a very anxious person as I was, rare (and twice so unbearable I called emergency services), the vast majority I call anxiety attacks which are a little milder version of oh fuck I'm going to die now.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#318

Post by yowlingcat »

kleene_op wrote: post #247
rootusrootus wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 36 year old middle aged man You're not quite middle aged yet :). And 33 is way too early for a midlife crisis, surely? Maybe it's just garden variety burnout and/or depression?

> 33 is way too early for a midlife crisis, surely? I don't think he knows about second midlife crisis, Pippin.

Where's that Simpsons meme when you need it?

"This midlife crisis is the worst!"

"Now now...this midlife crisis is the worst you've had, so far!"

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#319

Post by Scarblac »

NovaDudely wrote: post #187
BaseballPhysics wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

IMO the term is so diluted as to be meaningless. Burnout isn't a mid-life crisis. Changing your career doesn't necessarily mean you're having a mid-life crisis. Changing your personal circumstances doesn't necessarily imply a midlife crisis. Every definition I know of includes a sense of existential angst, a feeling of regret, of lost potential, of questioning identity, of a fear of mortality. But simply realizing yo…

The lost potential is a key one I have seen. The idea that your youth is in the rear view mirror and that you didn't do all the things you thought you would do.

I was in my 40s and starting thinking more in terms of how much time I had left rather than what I wanted to do at some unspecified "later". I also had young kids and a depressed jobless wife, so I wasn't completely free to do what I wanted and felt trapped. Then my father died pretty young, from a cruel cancer, and that amplified it all.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#320

Post by lm28469 »

xyzelement wrote: post #2

I wonder if the mid life crisis is a completely modern and secular malady. Thinking to my religious friends who have 5+ kids, a rich spiritual life and deep engagement with community, it's very hard to imagine them going through one. Because they are too busy, but mainly because their life is oriented from the get-go around what is very meaningful to them

We gave up religion(s) and tradition(s) for consumerism, turns out buying shit is not the optimal long term fulfilment panacea. Add absolute lack of body and mind hygiene and you get to feel like a complete waste of life by the time you hit your 40s. By then you realise discipline/work could have put you in a really nice place, socially, physically, professionally, but now it's too late, the damage is done, you can only pick up the crumbs and have to work twice as hard to get anywhere close to what it could have been => mid life crisis.

Buying a porsche gt3 and a nice house with a swimming pool won't make up for wasting 20+ yours of your life behind a desk

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