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Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

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Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#301

Post by daniel_reetz »

imheretolearn wrote: post #46

The article does not mention how immigrants can make friends. Not all but most natives treat immigrants as outsiders. I get it that you are more likely to be friends with someone who is similar to you. If it was difficult for a city girl to make friends with people who look like her but grew up in a different location, I can't even imagine how difficult it must be for immigrants who don't look the same, have a differ…

I would be very interested in hearing/reading more about the Indian definition of a friend VS North American. I've seen what you describe, but for me, I personally relish the opportunity to be the person someone calls when they need help, and also to show someone what I enjoy about a city. I'm much less good at just hanging out or reaching out.

For what it's worth, I lived for a while in Russia and friendship is different there, too.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#302

Post by mike1o1 »

reacharavindh wrote: post #127

Oh how very true. I’m going through at this very moment. As a dad(of a 4 year old), having moved to a new city during COVID, it has been a struggle to find friends. Although I do attend a few meet-ups every now and then, play tennis in a group, take Dutch classes, I just could not meet anyone often enough to become friends with. Whenever I try to organise something to hangout, it’s a nightmare to find a time that wor…

For moms there is the Peanut app (https://www.peanut-app.io/) which my wife has had a lot of success with setting up playdates. Doesn't appear that there is something similar for Dads, though.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#303

Post by amerkhalid »

genocidicbunny wrote: post #6
csallen wrote: post #4

> "Researchers also find that when we develop groups, our friendships are more sustainable than they are with individuals. Because there's multiple touch points now, right? Someone else in the group could reach out to all of us, and then we all keep in touch." This is the most important tip in the article, in my experience. When I lived in SF, most of my friend hangs were 1-on-1 catchups over coffee or lunch. Schedul…

I'm glad that worked for you. My experience has become that as my friends groups have gotten older, getting larger groups together has become very difficult. You have to plan it far enough in advance that everyone has sufficient notice, you need a venue large enough to host everyone, people have kids that need to be accommodated somehow, and everyone also lives further apart. All of these mean that we've gone from ge…

Yeah this is my experience too. Especially, once you have kids, it is so hard to align everybody's nap times, classes, etc.

And if you somehow are able to get whole group together, then too many preschoolers around is just chaotic. Heard it will be easier once kids are older.

But for now, we usually hang out with one or maybe two families at a time.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#304

Post by legerdemain »

jvm___ wrote: post #191
legerdemain wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Their shortest run is the 3.5-miler on Wednesdays. That's kind of the best I can do on a good day. Their other runs are at least twice as long. I don't think this is my jam, and I say that as someone who ran a 5k every day for three months last year to be able to enjoy literally this group.

All the wording on that meetup page says to me "come run with us". 3.5 miles and then back to Starbucks to chat for 25 minutes sounds just about right. Most people will have driven, so if you turn around earlier you can be back at starbucks for chatting. It will take a few times of showing up to make friends. It kind of feels like walking into a workplace cafeteria where people eat together everyday, what they're tal…

I have spoken to people in that group and attended some of their events. I hope you will allow the possibility that I know more about the group than their Meetup page says.

For example, the 3.5 miles on Wednesdays is on a track at a local high school. I was literally getting lapped over and over, just like in high school.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#305

Post by rirze »

analogcollector wrote: post #254
tastysandwich wrote: post #47

I'm talkative, outgoing and pretty funny in real life. I think I can say that people generally enjoy my company. But I only have about three friends, and I see them maybe four times a year. I really get along with my coworkers and enjoy their company at work. My wife thinks I should make more friends. But the truth is (and I suspect this is pretty common with HN'ers), I don't want more friends! Because in addition to…

The reason that I've lost so many friendships in the past decade is exactly what you're saying: friendships are not a priority for the average person who is gainfully employed, married with kids, maybe has pets, and also has social obligations to their relatives. For someone in your position, maintaining friendships is always going to be the lowest priority item, on a neverending list of responsibilities and social e…

Funny enough, I've lost friends over time due them taking on pets.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#306

Post by legerdemain »

ihateyouall123 wrote: post #289
legerdemain wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Their shortest run is the 3.5-miler on Wednesdays. That's kind of the best I can do on a good day. Their other runs are at least twice as long. I don't think this is my jam, and I say that as someone who ran a 5k every day for three months last year to be able to enjoy literally this group.

So this speaks more about you it seems. I don't know if you know this, but you won't get in trouble. Your grades aren't going down if you do something against the group. You can leave at any time because you have autonomy. At the very most 20 out of the 7 billion people might ostracize you. Stop caring about what people think.

I apologize, but your response is a muddle of contradictory cliches. I am literally there to make friends, of course I care what at least some of them think. I'm not there to actually run.

I went. I sucked, to the point of it being awkward. I trained daily for three months before going a second time. I still sucked. I don't know how to create the conditions that would make it productive to attend again.

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#308

Post by nortonham »

yieldcrv wrote: post #290
adave wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Curious,where did you end up both physically and profesisonally.

LA, I’m very into their concept of fun. LA, NY, Miami circuit. Dose of some select spots for European summers. Professionally, I got in front of the people I needed to in Silicon Valley and flipped a couple startups with non-dilutive capital and got out. Probably stayed in SF one or two years longer than needed, but I was open to making that my identity at the time so I tried to make it work, I like some things about…

LA > SF

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#309

Post by igouy »

legerdemain wrote: post #154
andrewfong wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Seems to be a thing: https://www.meetup.com/mountain-view-area-runclub/

Their shortest run is the 3.5-miler on Wednesdays. That's kind of the best I can do on a good day. Their other runs are at least twice as long. I don't think this is my jam, and I say that as someone who ran a 5k every day for three months last year to be able to enjoy literally this group.

"A free, fun, and friendly weekly 5k community event. Walk, jog, run, volunteer or spectate – it's up to you!"

https://www.parkrun.us/byxbee/

Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)

#310

Post by jeffreyrogers »

swozey wrote: post #234
chimprich wrote: post #200

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've never made any friends at a "gathering place". I think most people show up to bars, restaurants, or anything like that with people they already know. Apart from meeting friends through existing friends (the "acquire your second million first" problem), by the far the best (if not only) way I've found to make friends is through shared-interest clubs. If you show up frequently to events where you have shared inter…

> I've never made any friends at a "gathering place". I think most people show up to bars, restaurants, or anything like that with people they already know. It's probably my prior military force-learned charisma but I almost exclusively go to bars alone and almost always make a friend or two when I'm out. I don't like going to bars with other people often, they can meet me there but if I'm expected to only interact w…

Yeah, I've found it fairly easy to talk to people at bars and I'm not even a particularly social person. The type of bar matters a lot though. Some are too loud and crowded to meet people at. The friendship are superficial, at least for me, but you often hear some funny stories.
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