Not real, clinical, narcicissim. But more like an understanding I can be a real A-hole at times.
This: https://fs.blog/2012/04/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/
Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
301–310 of 404 posts
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#302I wonder if improv classes might help? I've been taking improv recently and I've found it to be extremely interesting from the POV of learning to pay more attention to other people. The core to learning improv is learning how NOT to be the center of attention. Everything is about supporting your team-mates: you have to pay extremely close attention to what they are doing and look for ways to give them further opportu…
This is fascinating, thanks for sharing. Which book is the thing about remembering names from?
That was from "Improv Wisdom" by Patricia Ryan Madson.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#303An important question: How old are you?
If you are in your teens, 20s or 30s then I'd say don't get too upset about being self focused. A lot of us are.
Having kids changes you too :-)
Not saying you should get old or have kids, but it's a factor :-)
Enjoy being you whilst you can :-)
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#304Do you mean narcissism in the sense of the personality disorder?
If so, the symptoms you describe could be due to a number of causes. For example, they're also consistent with Asperger's.
You probably want to be very sure of the root issue before you go down a rabbit hole of trying to fix things.
Neither narcissism nor Asperger's can be "fixed". That's why you can't find any books about treating narcissism. You can manage the symptoms of Asperger's, but I think narcissism is much more resistant.
Maybe take some online quizzes and then talk to a therapist. They don't have to be an amazing therapist, but it makes sense to get some feedback from a third party who has met many narcissists. They'll be able to tell you very quickly if you fit the type.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#305Perhaps the closest opposite to narcissism is humility. One way to really experience humility is to inject yourself into something truly foreign where money is an insufficient remedy. I don't know what that humbling experience will be for you. For me it was living in Afghanistan for 2 years, of which one of those years I traveled frequently and spoke with many people there. It doesn't matter how much money you make a…
For Nick, it was attempting to pay me so I wouldn't defame him.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#306I was lucky, I figured it out over time and before losing all my friends. In my case I think I was not uniformly a jerk and it was my wife (who had no patience for "jerk mode") who helped me see the problems.
I have another very good friend who in his mid 40s had to reboot his entire set of relationships except for three of us; at one point he told me, "you know, when everybody tells you you're an asshole, eventually you have to consider the possibility that they may be right". His "recovery" has been imperfect, for his own internal reasons, but the really good news is that not everybody whom he drove away gave up on him.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#307Earlier quoted context omitted.
Woahhh you lived in Afghanistan? That’s really cool! Is there anywhere I can read about your experience there / contact to talk more?
Its easier if I just write it here. From July 2009-2010 I deployed to a unit in Kuwait and forward deployed to Afghanistan as part of a 2 person information assurance review team. We traveled around the country and visited the major, and some minor, US Army bases to perform friendly audits to improve the information security posture of the installations on the ground. We were constantly traveling. I think I went on 2…
I'll echo other replies and state that was an excellent read.
Now the prickly part: do you see any way to extricate ourselves from this effort which has no path to victory?
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#308Kids have a way of resetting your sense of focus. Not recommended for all, of course.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#309Earlier quoted context omitted.
See the western civilization you live. Largely the product of Christianity. OP can look into Christianity to see if they find it plausible. I am suggesting it is a good place to look, as the premise of Christianity is there is a greater reality than the self.
My understanding of the history is that Christianity took a free ride on a freight train caused by other things that in turn were not helped by Christianity. For example the early history of science shows that science took off exactly where and when conflict between different Christian sects left no religious authority with sufficient power to stop people from exploring dangerous ideas. And to the tired old argument…
Those are certainly interesting claims!
There are a number of arguments that science came about in western culture because of Christian belief in an intelligible and orderly creator, at odds with the other philosophies of that time (and arguably our own).
I've also heard that the original invention of capitalism came about within the monastic university system that generated our modern university. Jesus does disparage seeking after material wealth, and the early church held all possessions in common to help the needy among them. But, he also tells the parable of the talents, which encourages people to make the most of what they have, and the one guy who doesn't is punished. So, I would say Jesus is anti-greed, not anti-capitalism. The apostle Paul goes onto say those who don't work should not eat, and that hardworking pastors should be financially rewarded.
Jesus' golden rule is part of the beatitudes, which I understand to be unique among moral teachings. Foundational is the idea that all humans are created in the image of God, and should be loved accordingly. My understanding is chattel slavery came about after the enlightenment, perhaps due to the elimination of belief that all humans are created in the image of God. Instead we have the Darwinian view that humans form a continuum with animals, and thus implying humans can be treated like animals.
I do believe the relationship between Christianity and western culture is more than you propose. If you want some interesting secular books to read on the topic, check out anything by Rodney Stark.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#310Learning how to be truly empathetic to another person was transformational for me. Studying meditation, mindfulness and generally seeking to truly understand other humans with an open heart and mind has been a long, ongoing journey but well worth the effort to date.