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I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

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Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#301

Post by zimpenfish »

pbhjpbhj wrote: post #112
saint_fiasco wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

On the contrary. Being able to communicate with parents at any time lets them take more calculated risks and grow more independent. If I had a cellphone when I was a kid, taking the bus for the first time would not have been so terrifying.

>If I had a cellphone when I was a kid, taking the bus for the first time would not have been so terrifying. // Isn't it being "terrifying" and yet you having the gumption to do it what builds your character and prepares you to take on things without having your hand held? You were relying on your self - your skills, your organisation; and not on your parents?

"And now, little Jack, it's time to learn to swim. [throws child in pool] C'mon, use your gumption! Stop drowning! And stop all that yelling. This is building character!

Oh, he's drowned. Never mind! Better luck with little Fred!"

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#302

Post by robertlagrant »

libria wrote: post #47
citizenkeen wrote: post #7

'One of my favorite things you can do is plan a “device-free dinner.”' _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. We have a landline expressly to give out to emergency contacts. And dinner is tech free. Every night. I think the main problem is tech has made everything _else_ easier, but parenting harder, and parents ju…

> _A_ device free dinner? Why aren't all of them? These weird little "small gestures" make me feel like people have lost control of their homes. Why should all dinners be distraction[1] free? I understand dinner is a social event for many cultures/families, but not every person wants this nor am I convinced it must be this way. I'm efficient with my eating and when the family wants to socialize we play Catan or sit a…

> It's fine if people enjoy socializing over dinner, but let's not arbitrarily assume it's morally superior.

Why mischaracterise as an arbitrary moral thing to latch on to the current zeitgeist and make it seem somehow worse? It's a bit like saying getting kids to eat less junk food is an arbitrary moral imposition. Adds nothing.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#303

Post by jstanley »

hycaria wrote: post #288
alaaibrahim wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For me it's not even a conscious effort, as it feels rude to be on your phone, when you are having a meal with someone. Is it not rude to start reading a book while you are having a lunch with someone, why is the phone any different. When there is a need to look at your phone (Important message, a call, or even to look up something), I think the polite thing is to excuse yourself, do the thing really quickly, and get…

>Is it not rude to start reading a book while you are having a lunch with someone In my world it is though.

You're agreeing

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#304

Post by lotsofpulp »

hueving wrote: post #277
sedachv wrote: post #270

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I'm ashamed to admit that I like private schools, but wow, have they been good for my kids. Nothing to be ashamed about. You want the best for your children and private schools get more money. The problem is not that private schools are better, but that public schools are so much worse. The people feeling shame should be the politicians who have worked and continue to work to dismantle the public education system (…

>in large part motivated by religious fundamentalists seeking to replace public education with voucher-based religious schools This can't possibly be the reason. Otherwise the bay area would have the best schools in the nation because religion here is borderline illegal.

What is the relationship between proportion of non religious people and quality of schools? There a few factors of bad schools, and along with it a less than ideal group to classmates. Wealth seems to be the primary problem, as it creates unstructured homes and poorly funded schools. Another problem is religious parents who want to teach children that lack of evidence is a good thing. The fact that the latter want to divert taxpayer funds for their own agenda is also a cause for bad schools, as it diverts funds from public schools.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#305

Post by eeZah7Ux »

luckydude wrote: post #254

I'm a retired geek but I do tractor work, I just pulled a 14 hour day and I'm having some wine so salt heavily. In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff. If kids are bored and they turn that into building, that's the first step towards getting into a good undergrad school. Building stuff is good. The hard part,…

You are confusing the negative stimulus of boredom with the positive stimulus of the satisfaction one gets from having done something challenging like crafting an object.

Delayed reward can be taught and boredom is far from a good teacher.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#306

Post by hycaria »

jstanley wrote: post #303
hycaria wrote: post #288

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Is it not rude to start reading a book while you are having a lunch with someone In my world it is though.

You're agreeing

You're right ! I kept reading it inverting the two first words. I even double-checked when posting because that seemed illogical. Funny how I somehow needed someone to point it out to be able to read it right.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#307

Post by spacemanmatt »

I grew up glued to screens since I was 11. My parents hated it, but my hobby became my career and I became a confident and social individual despite my constant interest in computers.

Now, I serve dinner in front of a movie/TV sometimes, and don't police my kids' phone usage at the table. I do police other behavior, and checking out in the presence of others isn't acceptable. They try to become little addicts (they're young) but the pressure to engage locally wins often enough. If there's nothing to talk about, I don't mind if they get online. It generally takes all day to exhaust our conversations like that, though.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#308

Post by spacemanmatt »

rayiner wrote: post #4

It's a level-headed article. Parenting, like almost nothing else, turns normal, intelligent, educated people into nutters. A rational, evidence-based conversation about screen time, breastfeeding, pregnancy, birth, education, and diet is increasingly impossible to have, especially with millennial parents. I just got my four year old an iPhone (with a data plan, because she realized she didn't have wifi in the car). I…

Ah, yes, the old trope of trashing the younger generation. A time-honored tradition passed from generation to generation to perpetrate on the next unsuspecting new generation.

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#309

Post by Can_Not »

bb611 wrote: post #261
luckydude wrote: post #254

I'm a retired geek but I do tractor work, I just pulled a 14 hour day and I'm having some wine so salt heavily. In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff. If kids are bored and they turn that into building, that's the first step towards getting into a good undergrad school. Building stuff is good. The hard part,…

> In my opinion, the best thing you can do with kids is create boredom. If they have access to a shop, or some lumber, they will start to build stuff. As a kid I was constantly bored, this strategy was deeply ineffective on me. I did grow into it as an adult, but it took a long time. In short, YMMV.

Did you have have available creative outlets though, like a workshop?

Re: I spent my career in tech, but wasn’t prepared for its effect on my kids

#310

Post by hycaria »

tptacek wrote: post #298
StanislavPetrov wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I turned out great (married, kid, good job). A lot of people would draw a distinction with your definition of "great". Great people are moral, intelligent and aware. Lots of worthless people are married, have kids, and make a lot of money.

Did this comment really need writing?

It made me chuckle in a good way, so yes, a bit of sunshine in my day was totally worth it !
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