Stay-at-home dad • Hacker News Board

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#31

Post by marquis » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:26 PM UTC

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

I hope this comment stays online for the remainder of your life, so when you have a family you love and you see how beneficial it would be if you had more time and home as your children grow, you look back here and feel just a little sheepish. Any company that truly respects people understands that taking a few months of work, or only working part time, does not in any way, at all, degrade the quality of the work. I see this first hand every day and I'm proud to support my coworkers and be supported.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#32

Post by noblethrasher » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:26 PM UTC

3825 wrote: post #20

cristianpascu wrote: post #4

I remember when I was a very young dad, and 15 minutes with my very young son was torture. I see myself in much of what he tells. Much of it by imagining the now dad of a 10yo as a dad of 4 months old son. But there's one thing I can tell for sure. A father can not replace a mother. I wouldn't take offense if a woman asked me why isn't my wife taking care of the child. In the past 10 years there were countless cases…

>There is no gender equality when it comes to what a child needs. A child needs the smile of a mother as much as they need the smile of a father. And one can not replace the other. There is such a heavy statement that I cannot begin to explain how wrong it is. Are you saying that a single parent cannot raise a child on her (or his) own? In the absence of any scientific evidence in your support, I'd say you are absolu…

To the degree that breastfeeding might be non-negligbly beneficial[1], sex-inequality with respect to child rearing is manifest.

[1] http://news.brown.edu/pressreleases/2013/06/breastfeeding

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#33

Post by Dewie » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:28 PM UTC

cristianpascu wrote: post #22

Numberwang wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have a good list of what harm LGBT parents are causing children, preferably with references?

I don't think there's clear definition of what "harm" means, and for sure studies themselves can are are and will be hotly debated.

You explicitly said that a father could not replace a mother for sure, and now you are simply saying that the whole subject is "hotly debated"? If a child is worse off without having a mother or a father and does not get one of them, then such a suboptimal childhood (by your words) is definitely harmful, without having to resort to exotic interpretations of the word "harm".

You had no problem denouncing that this should have anything to with (gender) equality, but as soon as the focus naturally shifts to a more touchy subject (gay peoples right to raise children at all) you chicken out and resort to platitudes.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#34

Post by 3825 » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:29 PM UTC

cristianpascu wrote: post #26

3825 wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>There is no gender equality when it comes to what a child needs. A child needs the smile of a mother as much as they need the smile of a father. And one can not replace the other. There is such a heavy statement that I cannot begin to explain how wrong it is. Are you saying that a single parent cannot raise a child on her (or his) own? In the absence of any scientific evidence in your support, I'd say you are absolu…

If you think a single mother raising children is happy, than we don't share the same definition of happiness. I was raised by a responsible woman married with a very irresponsible man.

I respect your personal experience but we cannot draw conclusions that can hurt a lot of people without backing evidence. I hear stories about how alcoholic mothers get custody of children over responsible dads. We do not have full support from the people in terms of same-sex marriage. In a situation like this, generalization like this probably does more damage than it is worth.

I wouldn't say the mother is happy. I'd imagine she'd be overworked unless she had some help (grandparents perhaps?). However, I'd not make any statement that might be seen as her not being capable of doing as good a job.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#35

Post by dogonwheels » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:29 PM UTC

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

'I get it'. No. You really don't.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#36

Post by k-mcgrady » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:29 PM UTC

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

If you work for a company you ARE an employee, not an entrepreneur. Facebook is a company. Like most other companies employees most likely work a standard schedule (9-5).

>> "Hey, just because I don't have a kid, doesn't mean I shouldn't get time off - why punish me for that."

It's a benefit that comes with the job which you would also be entitled to. You have a kid, you get time off. Would you be complaining if someone else was getting more value out of the company health insurance plan than you because they were ill more often?

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#37

Post by enraged_camel » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:29 PM UTC

cristianpascu wrote: post #4

I remember when I was a very young dad, and 15 minutes with my very young son was torture. I see myself in much of what he tells. Much of it by imagining the now dad of a 10yo as a dad of 4 months old son. But there's one thing I can tell for sure. A father can not replace a mother. I wouldn't take offense if a woman asked me why isn't my wife taking care of the child. In the past 10 years there were countless cases…

>>In the past 10 years there were countless cases where my wife handled things entirely differently then myself. Specially the emotionally relevant things, which are extremely important at early stages of child development.

This is more about your own inability to properly handle those situations requiring emotional involvement than a commentary on what fathers in general can or cannot provide. You are, after all, only one person.

I respect your experiences and commend you for sharing them, but at the end of the day you are basing your opinions on (your own) anecdote and passing judgment on all the other fathers out there. This is unfair and sexist and you should not do it.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#38

Post by fredrikcarno » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:30 PM UTC

My twin boys are now 10 month and me and my wife decided that staying home both of us for a year to give them a good start was a good idea. It was, and i can really recommend people doing the same even if it means having to make tough decisions like changing jobs and not buying that new car

Have a great day

Best Fredrik

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#39

Post by leothekim » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:30 PM UTC

techboots wrote: post #21

Looks like FB jumped the shark if they're employing guys who leave for 4 months, or gals like Sheryl Sandberg who leaves work 5pm every day. I get it - yes, it's nice and wonderful. But... Frankly, I wouldn't want to work with coworkers like this. Entrepreneurs don't make silly justifications like this -- only employees play this political game. And quite frankly, I wouldn't put up with actions like this - I'd quit i…

You think your coworkers drag you down? You think you're punished for not having kids? You're comparing having children to entrepreneurship? If you really want to know what's wrong in the work place, you need to take a good long look in the mirror.

Re: Stay-at-home dad

#40

Post by autodidakto » Sun, Jul 07, 2013, 9:30 PM UTC

qznc wrote: post #30

Odd that stay-at-home women label themselves as "not working". I often try to convince my wife and others to proudly answer "mother" when asked for their work. It might not get payed, but it surely is a lot of work.

I think "homemaker" is a dignified, gender neutral term. But for subversive fun, I like the title "househusband".