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Be Happier with Zero Expectation

bobbyong.com

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Re: Be Happier with Zero Expectation

#31

Post by grownseed »

bpatrianakos wrote: post #10

This is true but it's just not realistic. There are situations in life where expectations are totally appropriate. I'd even argue that expectations drive us forward. And if you have no expectation of an outcome, how can you be happy or sad at all at the end? Or how can you tell there has even been an outcome? If I have to drive somewhere and have no expectation of arrival time then I'll neither be happy nor sad when…

I don't think having few expectations necessarily means numbing down your life or your emotions. I think you simply find that there are many things that needlessly take space in your life or might make you act poorly towards other people. As a personal choice (which of course doesn't have to apply to everybody), I've lowered my expectations to something that basically boils down to "being a better person". It's the biggest drive I have and it requires very little with the exception of learning, understanding and empathizing.

"[...] plow through and find some happiness or a silver lining"

What you're suggesting here is that happiness has to come in bursts (for lack of a better word). While I think that can be true, I believe the kind of happiness the OP is referring to is more deep-seated. By no means does it exclude other emotional states, but it reduces anger to a minimum. Although "Disappointment, heartache, sadness, and gloom" may be constructive, I honestly don't think anger is.

Re: Be Happier with Zero Expectation

#33

Post by 4rgento »

bobbyong wrote: post #22
hmbg wrote: post #17

This doesn't work at all for me. I love having expectations. I love looking forward to things. I'm going on a trip in May, and I expect it to be great. If it sucks, I might be a bit disappointed, but the vacation is a week, and the time I can look forward to it is several months. If the vacation turns out to be great, I'll feel great about it. Would I feel even greater if I had no expectations? Don't know. I really d…

I got back from a 10-days backpacking trip to Thailand and Laos a few weeks back and I totally enjoyed it partly because I went with zero expectation. I did not know what to expect (no research) and I did not expect anything. I did not book any hostels and just went with the flow. I have no must-see travel list nor do I have any must-do travel stuff. Anything interesting was a net positive feeling for me during the t…

This illustrates the way I see the "thing" with expectations: "They come from previos experience(including research as previos experience)". The Zen's mind, begginers' mind books suggets to keep your mind open to all outcomes, despite your experience (easier say than done, however).

It's hard(at least for me) to control expectations (I have evidence[bayes] that supports those expectations). In the other side, the outcome, is what actualy happened so you should add it to your evidence and update your prior beliefs for the next time.

TL;DR avoid expectation (not the real point); accept the outcome and update your experience (could be a better aproach)

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