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Bullying has to stop, now.
31–40 of 181 posts
Re: Bullying has to stop, now.
#32I don't think anything has touched me this deeply for years. I even got a little teary (which is rare for me). A lot of this I can relate to. School was hell for me, and I still struggle to forgive the adults around me during that period who, despite knowing what I (and others) faced, failed us utterly. Of course, school is rough and tumble - but when things went too far they sympathised, and in some rare cases talke…
What would you have liked the adults to do to solve the problem? What could they have done?
Not punish the kid defending himself with a chair?
Not punish the kid hitting back at someone who was bullying him?
Not punish the kid who beat up the bully?
It actually helps to have some idea of what's going on in the school yard, ask witnesses what was going on, and IF KIDS COMPLAIN ABOUT BULLYING DON'T TELL THEM TO GET OVER IT. "You're not making an effort to fit in" is blaming the victim. I'm not making the fucking effort to fit in because the other kids treat me like dirt. Why should I bother to try fitting in?
But yes, the adults could have looked at the situation and realised that the bully was getting their just deserts. Punishing the victim who has been pushed past the end of their tether is not helping anyone.
Re: Bullying has to stop, now.
#33I don't think anything has touched me this deeply for years. I even got a little teary (which is rare for me). A lot of this I can relate to. School was hell for me, and I still struggle to forgive the adults around me during that period who, despite knowing what I (and others) faced, failed us utterly. Of course, school is rough and tumble - but when things went too far they sympathised, and in some rare cases talke…
But what can we do? Kids will be kids, eh?
End age based classes would be a good start.
Re: Bullying has to stop, now.
#34The thing that strikes me about school is that people are pretty much locked into it. Once you get out of that system, if you are surrounded by nasty people, you can usually just leave. That's what I do, anyway. With school, not so much luck - it's possible to transfer to another school, but it's usually not very easy to pull of. Of course the feeling of not being liked sticks, too, but perhaps it wouldn't even manif…
And yet, being 'locked in', as you describe it, teaches a valuable life lesson: sometimes you have to deal with what you have, instead of run away or hide. As described above, sometimes you need to punch a factor that makes your situation undesireable and triggers your "flight" response to greatly increase your situation. As in, this is your life, deal with it. You can't run away, so fix your problems instead of runn…
You forget that you are kid when you are in school; you barely scratched the surface of understanding how people think, what motivates and what drives them, heck you don't even know how would you take care of yourself alone. And yet you're being asked to deal with this. Yes, we eventually have to learn how to deal with life, but not this way.
Re: Bullying has to stop, now.
#35The real problem is state-mandated detention centers for children. Bullying is a feature of the school system. Put kids in a healthy environment that leaves room for freedom and empowerment, and all of these kinds of problems would greatly diminish.
Kids bully each other because we bully them.
Re: Bullying has to stop, now.
#36Going off on a tangent here, but do people who are good at sports often suffer long term bullying at school?
I wasn't bullied at school, IMHO (nothing physical, the odd bit of name calling.. which they got back ;-)) but it seemed as if people who were into sports avoided every hassle, including the sportier geeks who were in the football team, etc.
Looking back, I have to wonder if there's something about being active, being in teams, or the effect doing sports has on your body (language) that means you either fit in better, stand up for yourself more, etc. I certainly feel that way as an adult now trying to become more active. It changes how you hold yourself.
My daughter is now in all the social and sports clubs we can get in and which she enjoys. My parents never encouraged me into being active or joining clubs, but I have to wonder if I had been, maybe I'd be very different (not that I'm unhappy with my lot now :-)) and maybe my daughter could end up being one of the "popular kids" just by virtue of being active and socializing with her peers early.
Re: Bullying has to stop, now.
#37Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's odd, people always say things like "violence doesn't solve anything" but I've heard so many stories like yours where the bullying only stops when the victim retaliates with force. While I've personally never been on either end of bullying, what I've heard leads me to believe that for extreme physical bullying, getting violent can be the solution.
Carefully applied violence is often useful and even socially accepted. It's both sad and interesting.
Though common amongst much of the animal kingdom.
A lot of the mechanisms we have in society are designed to contain or counteract our animalistic behavior, but not all kids are raised well enough or are mature enough to behave and physical correction can work wonders to break errant behavior.
Re: Bullying has to stop, now.
#38The thing that strikes me about school is that people are pretty much locked into it. Once you get out of that system, if you are surrounded by nasty people, you can usually just leave. That's what I do, anyway. With school, not so much luck - it's possible to transfer to another school, but it's usually not very easy to pull of. Of course the feeling of not being liked sticks, too, but perhaps it wouldn't even manif…
Exactly this. I remember the feeling of being very surprised to find out that life could meant so much more after I finished school. Suddenly bad things didn't happen because you were unlucky and that's it, but as a result of your choices that you could to some extent control. Things started to have, you know, meaning.
Re: Bullying has to stop, now.
#39Earlier quoted context omitted.
What would you have liked the adults to do to solve the problem? What could they have done?
Not punish the kid defending himself with a chair? Not punish the kid hitting back at someone who was bullying him? Not punish the kid who beat up the bully? It actually helps to have some idea of what's going on in the school yard, ask witnesses what was going on, and IF KIDS COMPLAIN ABOUT BULLYING DON'T TELL THEM TO GET OVER IT. "You're not making an effort to fit in" is blaming the victim. I'm not making the fuck…
Evidence. Bullies are very careful to cover their tracks, they know the limits of the system, verbal bullying is usually ignored as is physical intimidation. And then it's one kids word against the others + one kid holding a chair.
With the above, a reasonable adult, considering evidence, has no choice but to "arrest" the kid with the chair, since the other has done no wrong other than verbal + possible pushing.
The system needs fixing by making what the bully did prior to the event actionable by the adults so it wouldn't escalate to where it did. Cameras would help.
But then what do we do with the bully? Move him to another school and let the cycle repeat?
Re: Bullying has to stop, now.
#40Going off on a tangent here, but do people who are good at sports often suffer long term bullying at school? I wasn't bullied at school, IMHO (nothing physical, the odd bit of name calling.. which they got back ;-)) but it seemed as if people who were into sports avoided every hassle, including the sportier geeks who were in the football team, etc. Looking back, I have to wonder if there's something about being activ…
I think it might also have something to do with being a recognised part of a group who would certainly be capable of punishing the bully.
Interestingly, there's a young diver here in the UK called Tom Daley (got a medal at last year's Olympics). When the media frenzy about him kicked off a few years ago, he got bullied at school. However, diving is a pretty solitary activity and he certainly wouldn't have had a team with him to prevent this.