Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

blogs.hbr.org

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

31–40 of 64 posts

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#31

Post by lifeisstillgood »

Mz wrote: post #28
ChuckMcM wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My take on it was that when he was told "The customer will respect this choice." They were telling him that it was a higher priority that he make the meeting than anything else. Rather than question that, he simply accepted it. And therein lies the trap. You let people tell you what your priorities are rather than setting them yourself. And yes setting your own priorities will get you fired some times (been there, do…

From the way the article is worded, it does not sound like he missed the birth of the child or left for a week. I agree with your point about needing to set your own priorities, but I honestly don't understand what the author is whining about. My ex was career military. Military men frequently cannot be home for birthdays, anniversaries and even the birth of a child. My husband had to find a way to get out of a deplo…

We are wusses and whiners. And I often want to live on that line I can see over there.

Enjoy your pc filter coming back online soon

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#32

Post by Mz »

nollidge wrote: post #29
Mz wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From the way the article is worded, it does not sound like he missed the birth of the child or left for a week. I agree with your point about needing to set your own priorities, but I honestly don't understand what the author is whining about. My ex was career military. Military men frequently cannot be home for birthdays, anniversaries and even the birth of a child. My husband had to find a way to get out of a deplo…

He's not whining about anything except his own failure to take control of his life. I don't think he's blaming the client at all, just himself for wanting to ingratiate himself to the client when A) there's greater priorities, and B) the client probably won't care much, if at all.

And my point is that it doesn't sound like it was a really major failure. The way the article is written sounds like emo drama making a mountain of a molehill.

But I might need to bow out of this discussion as I get the impression my pov is neither understood nor appreciated. I was always there for my kids. They are 22 and 25 and I have their undying loyalty. We are currently homeless together. They have other options. They could stay with their father (where I am unwelcome) or try to get into a shelter without me. I could also try to get into a shelter without them (or take some guy up on offers to go home with him). No one will take us as a group. We won't split up. Most people do not understand our loyalty to each other. A public forum is probably not the place to try to express what that grows out of. Suffice it to say we all know we can count on each other in ways we cannot count on anyone or anything else.

Have a good day.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#33

Post by samspot »

Mz wrote: post #27
cgopalan wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even at the cost of family and friends? I dont see work as sacrosanct. Its a section of your life devoted to help you sustain a living. Some people love it, some people dont. There are other parts of your life that need the same, if not more of an attention to develop your character as a whole.

I have been meaning to write a blog post about this. I think if friends and family don't understand that your work is a priority, they should be cut loose. There are times when you should try to prioritize family. I spoke to that in another comment in this same discussion. (And I was a homemaker and fulltime mom for two decades, so my family was my work.) But unless it is the kind of friend that would happily follow…

I appreciate your comments and the level of understanding you showed your husband. I think a lot of your perspective comes from the military life. In that career path refusing to do something or to show up can potentially ruin your career, and it is not as easy to change jobs.

It's probably different for me because I could likely find a new job easily enough, so the consequences are not as severe as if I was back in the military.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#34

Post by Mz »

SatvikBeri wrote: post #30
Mz wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From the way the article is worded, it does not sound like he missed the birth of the child or left for a week. I agree with your point about needing to set your own priorities, but I honestly don't understand what the author is whining about. My ex was career military. Military men frequently cannot be home for birthdays, anniversaries and even the birth of a child. My husband had to find a way to get out of a deplo…

There's a big difference between making sacrifices for something that's strongly important to you (defending your country, supporting your family, etc.) vs making sacrifices for no real gain. This was the latter. Without getting into a debate about what the correct choice was-the author of the article made a decision that was out of line with his values, due to social pressures and habits. He didn't choose to go to t…

I strongly suspect that only someone with a ridiculously cushy life could think that. But I also suspect most people on this forum are incapable of understanding where I am coming from in that regard, so I am likely wasting everyone's time, especially mine.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#35

Post by Mz »

samspot wrote: post #33
Mz wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have been meaning to write a blog post about this. I think if friends and family don't understand that your work is a priority, they should be cut loose. There are times when you should try to prioritize family. I spoke to that in another comment in this same discussion. (And I was a homemaker and fulltime mom for two decades, so my family was my work.) But unless it is the kind of friend that would happily follow…

I appreciate your comments and the level of understanding you showed your husband. I think a lot of your perspective comes from the military life. In that career path refusing to do something or to show up can potentially ruin your career, and it is not as easy to change jobs. It's probably different for me because I could likely find a new job easily enough, so the consequences are not as severe as if I was back in…

From military life. From my dad growing up in The Great Depression. From my mom growing up in Germany during WWII and its aftermath. From devotedly raising two special needs sons and helping them overcome challenges that are supposed to be impossible to overcome. From getting well when that is supposedly impossible. I have yet to figure out how to make enough money from the things I consider my life's work. But I do think it is sacred, paid or not. Sorry if no one here understands that.

Have a good day.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#36

Post by snowwrestler »

cantrevealname wrote: post #21
columbo wrote: post #5

More posts like these need to go up on HN. I became a developer during the first boom (97) and spent countless all-nighters working on products for companies that simply no longer exist. I remember sleeping at the office, being up for days in a row, all that work for software that is probably stored in an IT closet, or purchased and used simply for the patents. With this second boom and it's Hackathons and 2-week-cha…

> if I've got to make a choice between finishing a product or being a good parent/husband I'll take the latter And that's why most successful startups are founded by childless, unmarried, under 30s. Being young correlates to being energetic and not risk averse, and having no family commitments correlates to choosing the product over going to soccer practice.

> And that's why most successful startups are founded by childless, unmarried, under 30s.

Do you have a citation for that? It does not match the research I'm aware of. For instance:

> Founders tended to be middle-aged—40 years old on average—when they started their first companies. Nearly 70 percent were married when they became entrepreneurs, and nearly 60 percent had at least one child, challenging the stereotype of the entrepreneurial workaholic with no time for a family.

http://www.kauffman.org/research-and-policy/the-anatomy-of-a...

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#37

Post by snowwrestler »

Mz wrote: post #14
samspot wrote: post #9

For my wife's 30th birthday our inlaws paid for a mini vacation in probably the nicest hotel we'll ever visit. We had a fancy dinner planned for the first night and it had been a long time since my wife and I had gotten away from the kids. As we are pulling into the hotel the system for one of our largest clients goes down. I'm the only developer on this particular system (we're a small company) and we end up cancell…

fwiw: I think you made the right choice. Work is sacrosanct. I hope the rest of the weekend with your wife was lovely, but losing your job likely would not have made her happy. -- former military wife who spent many a birthday alone

And who is now seemingly divorced and homeless.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#38

Post by Mz »

snowwrestler wrote: post #37
Mz wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

fwiw: I think you made the right choice. Work is sacrosanct. I hope the rest of the weekend with your wife was lovely, but losing your job likely would not have made her happy. -- former military wife who spent many a birthday alone

And who is now seemingly divorced and homeless.

Yes. My divorce was amicable and occurred to save my life. I went homeless by choice as the only hope I have of resolving health problems the world says cannot be solved.

But thank you for the gratuitous ad hominem which appears completely irrelevant to this discussion.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#39

Post by [deleted] »

Mz wrote: post #32
nollidge wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

He's not whining about anything except his own failure to take control of his life. I don't think he's blaming the client at all, just himself for wanting to ingratiate himself to the client when A) there's greater priorities, and B) the client probably won't care much, if at all.

And my point is that it doesn't sound like it was a really major failure. The way the article is written sounds like emo drama making a mountain of a molehill. But I might need to bow out of this discussion as I get the impression my pov is neither understood nor appreciated. I was always there for my kids. They are 22 and 25 and I have their undying loyalty. We are currently homeless together. They have other option…

[deleted]

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#40

Post by cgopalan »

Mz wrote: post #27
cgopalan wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even at the cost of family and friends? I dont see work as sacrosanct. Its a section of your life devoted to help you sustain a living. Some people love it, some people dont. There are other parts of your life that need the same, if not more of an attention to develop your character as a whole.

I have been meaning to write a blog post about this. I think if friends and family don't understand that your work is a priority, they should be cut loose. There are times when you should try to prioritize family. I spoke to that in another comment in this same discussion. (And I was a homemaker and fulltime mom for two decades, so my family was my work.) But unless it is the kind of friend that would happily follow…

I don't think it has anything to do with your family's attitude towards your work (although I do agree if they put their interests before your priorities they shouldn't be given more importance). Family/friends could be more important than work to someone who derives more satisfaction from them. And in your comment, you seem to imply that a job automatically deserves loyalty (in this age where companies can let you go in the drop of a hat?). If you see a job as "just another activity one does", no more no less, (doesn't mean the person doesn't give their best, and not demeaning a job here) in the path to overall growth, and has the same importance just like perfecting a hobby in your leisure, you develop a different attitude to it.

My whole point is that work is not sacrosanct. It has no special place. There is nothing in it by its very nature that makes it right to put it above all else. There are other activities one does throughout the day, or maybe every so often, that is more important or needs to be prioritized, IF one feels that way.

Post reply on HN