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If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

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Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#21

Post by cantrevealname »

columbo wrote: post #5

More posts like these need to go up on HN. I became a developer during the first boom (97) and spent countless all-nighters working on products for companies that simply no longer exist. I remember sleeping at the office, being up for days in a row, all that work for software that is probably stored in an IT closet, or purchased and used simply for the patents. With this second boom and it's Hackathons and 2-week-cha…

> if I've got to make a choice between finishing a product or being a good parent/husband I'll take the latter

And that's why most successful startups are founded by childless, unmarried, under 30s.

Being young correlates to being energetic and not risk averse, and having no family commitments correlates to choosing the product over going to soccer practice.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#22

Post by mmatants »

cantrevealname wrote: post #21
columbo wrote: post #5

More posts like these need to go up on HN. I became a developer during the first boom (97) and spent countless all-nighters working on products for companies that simply no longer exist. I remember sleeping at the office, being up for days in a row, all that work for software that is probably stored in an IT closet, or purchased and used simply for the patents. With this second boom and it's Hackathons and 2-week-cha…

> if I've got to make a choice between finishing a product or being a good parent/husband I'll take the latter And that's why most successful startups are founded by childless, unmarried, under 30s. Being young correlates to being energetic and not risk averse, and having no family commitments correlates to choosing the product over going to soccer practice.

I'm not sure that working 16hrs per day vs 8hrs gives a 2x increase in productivity. Maybe not even 1.5x - maybe not even 1.2x.

And even if it was a 2x increase in output, I'm not sure that that's an enabling variable in a startup's success.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#23

Post by cgopalan »

Mz wrote: post #14
samspot wrote: post #9

For my wife's 30th birthday our inlaws paid for a mini vacation in probably the nicest hotel we'll ever visit. We had a fancy dinner planned for the first night and it had been a long time since my wife and I had gotten away from the kids. As we are pulling into the hotel the system for one of our largest clients goes down. I'm the only developer on this particular system (we're a small company) and we end up cancell…

fwiw: I think you made the right choice. Work is sacrosanct. I hope the rest of the weekend with your wife was lovely, but losing your job likely would not have made her happy. -- former military wife who spent many a birthday alone

Even at the cost of family and friends? I dont see work as sacrosanct. Its a section of your life devoted to help you sustain a living. Some people love it, some people dont. There are other parts of your life that need the same, if not more of an attention to develop your character as a whole.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#24

Post by debacle »

Mz wrote: post #20

I don't understand the article title. It looks like no one was "prioritizing" anything for him. He made the wrong call when it wasn't really required. Why blame someone else? We all make mistakes. Hopefully, we learn from them. (If you do this right, the reward is that you get to make all new mistakes instead of repeating the same ones.) For any future father's here, my ex was there to hold my hand during the births…

"If you choose not to decide you still have made a choice."

By going with the flow, as many of us are wont to do, we get caught up by those who decide that they are going to go their own way.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#25

Post by ChuckMcM »

Mz wrote: post #20

I don't understand the article title. It looks like no one was "prioritizing" anything for him. He made the wrong call when it wasn't really required. Why blame someone else? We all make mistakes. Hopefully, we learn from them. (If you do this right, the reward is that you get to make all new mistakes instead of repeating the same ones.) For any future father's here, my ex was there to hold my hand during the births…

My take on it was that when he was told "The customer will respect this choice." They were telling him that it was a higher priority that he make the meeting than anything else.

Rather than question that, he simply accepted it. And therein lies the trap. You let people tell you what your priorities are rather than setting them yourself. And yes setting your own priorities will get you fired some times (been there, done that) but it will also keep you balanced.

Time runs only one way, and then it stops. If you accumulate regrets life gets less and less enjoyable.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#26

Post by hkmurakami »

cantrevealname wrote: post #21
columbo wrote: post #5

More posts like these need to go up on HN. I became a developer during the first boom (97) and spent countless all-nighters working on products for companies that simply no longer exist. I remember sleeping at the office, being up for days in a row, all that work for software that is probably stored in an IT closet, or purchased and used simply for the patents. With this second boom and it's Hackathons and 2-week-cha…

> if I've got to make a choice between finishing a product or being a good parent/husband I'll take the latter And that's why most successful startups are founded by childless, unmarried, under 30s. Being young correlates to being energetic and not risk averse, and having no family commitments correlates to choosing the product over going to soccer practice.

Let's work smarter, not harder.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#27

Post by Mz »

cgopalan wrote: post #23
Mz wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

fwiw: I think you made the right choice. Work is sacrosanct. I hope the rest of the weekend with your wife was lovely, but losing your job likely would not have made her happy. -- former military wife who spent many a birthday alone

Even at the cost of family and friends? I dont see work as sacrosanct. Its a section of your life devoted to help you sustain a living. Some people love it, some people dont. There are other parts of your life that need the same, if not more of an attention to develop your character as a whole.

I have been meaning to write a blog post about this. I think if friends and family don't understand that your work is a priority, they should be cut loose. There are times when you should try to prioritize family. I spoke to that in another comment in this same discussion. (And I was a homemaker and fulltime mom for two decades, so my family was my work.) But unless it is the kind of friend that would happily follow you through the gates of hell, they probably don't deserve more loyalty than your job. And if they are that kind of friend, you probably have a word for them other than "friend", like blood brother or at least best friend.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#28

Post by Mz »

ChuckMcM wrote: post #25
Mz wrote: post #20

I don't understand the article title. It looks like no one was "prioritizing" anything for him. He made the wrong call when it wasn't really required. Why blame someone else? We all make mistakes. Hopefully, we learn from them. (If you do this right, the reward is that you get to make all new mistakes instead of repeating the same ones.) For any future father's here, my ex was there to hold my hand during the births…

My take on it was that when he was told "The customer will respect this choice." They were telling him that it was a higher priority that he make the meeting than anything else. Rather than question that, he simply accepted it. And therein lies the trap. You let people tell you what your priorities are rather than setting them yourself. And yes setting your own priorities will get you fired some times (been there, do…

From the way the article is worded, it does not sound like he missed the birth of the child or left for a week. I agree with your point about needing to set your own priorities, but I honestly don't understand what the author is whining about. My ex was career military. Military men frequently cannot be home for birthdays, anniversaries and even the birth of a child. My husband had to find a way to get out of a deployment to be there when our second child was born. I appreciate that he did that but I also know I am fortunate: His chain of command was not required to give him an option.

I tend to not understand the complaints of people who have had cushier lives than I have had. I am okay with that. I think most people are wusses and whiners and I wouldn't want to live like they live.

I will no doubt regret replying to this. I seem to have misplaced my PC filter.

Peace.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#29

Post by nollidge »

Mz wrote: post #28
ChuckMcM wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My take on it was that when he was told "The customer will respect this choice." They were telling him that it was a higher priority that he make the meeting than anything else. Rather than question that, he simply accepted it. And therein lies the trap. You let people tell you what your priorities are rather than setting them yourself. And yes setting your own priorities will get you fired some times (been there, do…

From the way the article is worded, it does not sound like he missed the birth of the child or left for a week. I agree with your point about needing to set your own priorities, but I honestly don't understand what the author is whining about. My ex was career military. Military men frequently cannot be home for birthdays, anniversaries and even the birth of a child. My husband had to find a way to get out of a deplo…

He's not whining about anything except his own failure to take control of his life. I don't think he's blaming the client at all, just himself for wanting to ingratiate himself to the client when A) there's greater priorities, and B) the client probably won't care much, if at all.

Re: If You Don't Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

#30

Post by SatvikBeri »

Mz wrote: post #28
ChuckMcM wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My take on it was that when he was told "The customer will respect this choice." They were telling him that it was a higher priority that he make the meeting than anything else. Rather than question that, he simply accepted it. And therein lies the trap. You let people tell you what your priorities are rather than setting them yourself. And yes setting your own priorities will get you fired some times (been there, do…

From the way the article is worded, it does not sound like he missed the birth of the child or left for a week. I agree with your point about needing to set your own priorities, but I honestly don't understand what the author is whining about. My ex was career military. Military men frequently cannot be home for birthdays, anniversaries and even the birth of a child. My husband had to find a way to get out of a deplo…

There's a big difference between making sacrifices for something that's strongly important to you (defending your country, supporting your family, etc.) vs making sacrifices for no real gain. This was the latter.

Without getting into a debate about what the correct choice was-the author of the article made a decision that was out of line with his values, due to social pressures and habits. He didn't choose to go to the client call because he truly believed that it was more important. In my opinion, that's a terrible way to live.

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