Life Changing Books on Sex and Relationships

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment by Levine and Heller [0] - this was really useful for understanding relationships and how I and others respond to relationships, love, work, etc. was rather eye opening to me.

Boundaries by Henry Cloud [1] - this seems like a basic concept and I thought I knew about this but this book helped. I expect there are others so reading one or two good ones will probably do, but this is the one I read.

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl [2] - this is not about sex or relationships but about the meaning of life and why. It helped me think about how others view life and while initially I thought this was about professional and spiritual and intellectual purpose, I realized it’s also about finding and connecting with others and that helped me think about interacting with people on a romantic level rather than just with large groups or organizations. It’s a great book overall and probably fits into any person’s mind who is trying to figure out who they are and where they are in the world and where they want to be.

I’m middle aged and ended a decades long relationship a few years ago, so these books are helpful in updating and improving a worldview for sex and relationships.

[0] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9547888

[1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/944267

[2] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4069

I had this book recommended to me so many times, I read it and really disagreed with it on so many levels [0].

Generally I don’t like how the author acts like everything is rooted in science and everyone is forced to act out their biology.

And I don’t like its oppositional nature of men vs women in a zero sum game to get what? Married? Laid?

It’s not a useless book, especially if you want to be an alpha and pick up girls.

But I think I’m looking for a bit more than that and feel there are genuine connections based on interest and purpose and aligned goals. And the other people interested in that would detect and not be interested in the “tactics” called out here.

The book mentions hypergamy many, many times and this is based on the biological inferiority of women to men and for women to seek out men more attractive than them. I think there are now many women with equal or even superior careers and ambitions and passions who aren’t seeking a “superior” mate. The book spends some time calling out how people like me are wrong, etc. but the evidence presented is a bunch of anecdotes.

And every anecdote told just made me think all parties are skeezy and not attractive to me. In that I don’t want to pick up waitresses and randos, etc.

So this may be a situation of the book and technique just isn’t for me. But I wanted to share this because it really is recommended so much to me and it perplexed me how bad the book seemed to me.

[0] https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/4273072082

Same here. It's far more often my poly social group tells friends not to enter polyamory. It's right for some people, but not for most people. All the poly people I know have the utmost respect for people who declare themselves monogamous and adhere to it through their behavior. Long monogamous marriages are glorified and celebrated, at least by the people in my poly community.

Harville Hendrix - Getting The Love You Want

Levine Heller - Attached

Cannot speak for your situation, but I did find the book not so actionable. Was hoping for more tools or guidance