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Parent time

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Re: Parent time

#31
post #8
post #3

Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…

Though you're getting down voted I do think there's some merit to your comment. When I moved from Canada to the Bay area I thought, and everyone said, that they (friends, family) would come visit. I got 2 visits in 8 years, both by my mom. This despite me going back to see varying people roughly twice per year. I've sadly learned that many of those relationships are a one way street of convenience. They're happy to s…

Don't be too harsh. People have their own busy lives and perhaps relationships are often made when they are convenient.

Also, too, sometimes the strength of the relationship is in a shared context — like co-workers. When a co-worker moves on, goes to another company, retires, there is less to chat about were you to meet up later, less shared context.

Your oldest friends though will often always have that shared context of having grown up with you in the same environment, same "era". You act as a foil to one another in the degree to which you turned out differently (also to the degree you stayed similar). Your eyes and theirs will gaze upon the same landscape from the same vantage point: "Look at those kids and their phones, we were out riding bikes when we were their age." (Ha ha, etc.)

Re: Parent time

#32
This is something I think about semi-frequently. Not in these specific words, but how in an ideal world I'd love to live a half hour or so away from my parents, and my siblings. This just isn't possible. Not because of jobs, there are quite a few tech jobs in the area now, and if I lived in SLC I'd even have a decently urban life.

It isn't possible because my family is scattered to the four winds. Various siblings are all over the world. It also isn't possible because the world has grown so hostile. I'm trans so living near my parents would be at best uncomfortable for me, at worst it would be dangerous, and soon possibly illegal (banning access to hormones, etc).

Re: Parent time

#33

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

Probably a made up story for a twitter thread.

Not sure why you're being downvoted. I've seen this story repeated at least three times by different people. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33066955

Re: Parent time

#34
HN rarely comes up with articles and posts that talk about the importance of family. I think I have counted three in 10 years being here.

But those posts are most striking and upends my entire view on life.

Re: Parent time

#35
I would elaborate a bit more by saying that I think that the amount of time that we spend with our parents and our relatives in general needs to change throughout our lives. In our early years we see them a lot because we need them. Then we reach a point were to keep growing as people it is beneficial to see them only a little. Or at least this is my experience: I'm now studying abroad because I realized that I reached the maximum growth that I could reach by having my family around, and that I needed to stay away from them for a while to keep growing. After having new experiences and thus having (almost) completed my personal growth, I may consider seeing them more often in the future.

Re: Parent time

#36
post #3

Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…

This doesn't seem realistic.

If they could afford to move to SF they could also afford to fly to SF to visit. The author would already see them more than once a year.

Selling the east coast house and coming up with an extra $400k (wild guestimate) to move to SF is not spare change most people have lying around.

just sayin'

Re: Parent time

#37

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

> I really can't get over imagining what a weird dude George is.

Unless he's a real estate agent.

Re: Parent time

#38

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

"Did you and George have a good time?" "Sort of. He stared at me blankly for a while, and then he told me my parents were going to die soon." "..." "Do you want to move to the East Coast?" "Sure."

Re: Parent time

#40
post #3

Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…

Sure they could have, but in the thread, the author mentions a partner with parents also on the east coast, and while that person is not the focus of the thread, it's "just math" that it is easier to move one set of people than two, particularly if that one set doesn't have as deeply set roots as the other two parties do. That's all market notwithstanding.
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