Apology • Hacker News Board

Re: Apology

#31

Post by Causality1 » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:11 PM UTC

Does Matthias really believe we're so naive as to think this attempt to cover for a career of toxic and abusive behavior by apologizing for a single incident is going to work? It's the oldest trick in the bully playbook.

Technically speaking, apologizing to him is better than not apologizing to him, but it does nothing to make other people more willing to work with you.

Re: Apology

#32

Post by mirthflat83 » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:11 PM UTC

jtbayly wrote: post #29

mirthflat83 wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can bully you like him and I just have to say “Oops, sorry I must have had a bad day and I hope you’re cool with my apology”? Cool deal

Oh yeah. That’s definitely what I said. /s Edit: for what it’s worth, I would accept your apology for totally misrepresenting what I said and trying to make me look like an idiot. (Sort of sounds like bullying, doesn’t it?)

It is.

Re: Apology

#33

Post by aaomidi » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:11 PM UTC

Starting with an excuse for the behavior is not a good way to do an apology.

Re: Apology

#34

Post by fastasucan » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:11 PM UTC

Doesn't sit right that he is so focused on the one example of what was supposed to be lot of bad behaviour over time. From the first blogpost/accusation it was clearly a personality problem, however here it is treated as a singular episode.

Re: Apology

#35

Post by faitswulff » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:11 PM UTC

> …I even proposed [Butterick] could replace me. I always thought that your experience and your outside view would seriously improve our work. I still think so.

That would be an interesting turn of events.

Re: Apology

#36

Post by keymone » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:12 PM UTC

barnabees wrote: post #11

howolduis wrote: post #8

apology? nothing of what I read sounds like an apology. You basically said that your friends told you that what you did looked bad, and based on that, you feel sorry that he "felt" hurt. Then go on saying how good and gracious you were to him? c'mon... edit: typo

If this isn't a real apology then what would you say a real apology looks like? Of the many public apologies I've read in the past this reads like an honest, genuine one. He admitted guilt, explained what he did wrong and did not try to justify it, and clearly stated that he apologizes. What's missing?

the blog post that apology is linking to says that it’s only one of many incidents that the victim doesn’t want to enumerate, but the apology sounded like it only considered that one incident, like it’s the only one that the bully could recall (and not without help). felt pretty shallow.

Re: Apology

#37

Post by xwdv » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:12 PM UTC

Bad move on his part. No public apology ever makes a positive difference. It only draws attention to yourself. People’s thirst for social justice cannot be quenched.

Re: Apology

#38

Post by nubb » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:13 PM UTC

I’m so surprised at the vitriol in these comments. He spoke to others about the situation and apologized. What more can a person do?

Re: Apology

#39

Post by williamsmj » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:14 PM UTC

jtbayly wrote: post #27

spoonjim wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well if saying “sorry” provides one with complete absolution then what’s the real cost of acting badly?

Who said it absolves him? The question is why attack him for apologizing?

Because the apology is so shallow and glib and self-serving that it's literally worse than no apology.

Re: Apology

#40

Post by latortuga » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:15 PM UTC

barnabees wrote: post #11

howolduis wrote: post #8

apology? nothing of what I read sounds like an apology. You basically said that your friends told you that what you did looked bad, and based on that, you feel sorry that he "felt" hurt. Then go on saying how good and gracious you were to him? c'mon... edit: typo

If this isn't a real apology then what would you say a real apology looks like? Of the many public apologies I've read in the past this reads like an honest, genuine one. He admitted guilt, explained what he did wrong and did not try to justify it, and clearly stated that he apologizes. What's missing?

It's missing the forest for the trees. The original complaint was about a pattern of abuse whereas this post addresses a single instance of abuse.

If someone hits you 100 times and issues you an apology for 1 of the times because somebody else saw him do it and thought it looked mean, does that absolve him of the other 99, which weren't mentioned in the apology?

Taking real responsibility for a pattern of abuse looks a lot different and will require some self-reflection and real steps toward justice.