Apology • Hacker News Board

Re: Apology

#21

Post by spoonjim » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:09 PM UTC

jtbayly wrote: post #17

Summary of several HN replies: “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t cut it. You need to pay for it before we will accept your apology.” Hence, cancel culture. Edit: There’s no need to therefor assume the dude is totally changed based on one apology, but good grief people. The lesson I’m learning here is, “Never apologize. It will do no good and will simply drag the situation out longer.”

Well if saying “sorry” provides one with complete absolution then what’s the real cost of acting badly?

Re: Apology

#22

Post by mirthflat83 » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:09 PM UTC

jtbayly wrote: post #17

Summary of several HN replies: “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t cut it. You need to pay for it before we will accept your apology.” Hence, cancel culture. Edit: There’s no need to therefor assume the dude is totally changed based on one apology, but good grief people. The lesson I’m learning here is, “Never apologize. It will do no good and will simply drag the situation out longer.”

I can bully you like him and I just have to say “Oops, sorry I must have had a bad day and I hope you’re cool with my apology”? Cool deal

Re: Apology

#23

Post by encryptluks2 » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:09 PM UTC

DJBunnies wrote: post #13

Took a hard cs course with fellisen at NU. Dude is ignorant to his toxic behavior, preaching egoless programming while being needlessly cruel during graded presentations. I know many cs folks at NU refused to take his classes.

Is this #metoo all over again? Must be thousands of victims all over the place just now willing to speak up cause someone published a blog without actually providing any proof.

Re: Apology

#24

Post by ghostly_s » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:09 PM UTC

sokoloff wrote: post #15

howolduis wrote: post #8

apology? nothing of what I read sounds like an apology. You basically said that your friends told you that what you did looked bad, and based on that, you feel sorry that he "felt" hurt. Then go on saying how good and gracious you were to him? c'mon... edit: typo

Did we read the same article? After reading your comment and then clicking through to the article, I expected to see a half-ass “I’m sorry that you over-reacted” or something. Instead, I saw was seems like a clear and genuine apology that takes responsibility for their actions and overtly admits that they were wrong rather than equivocating.

Thw piece he's responding to is not about the specific incident cited, it is about a pattern of behavior.

Re: Apology

#25

Post by ashton314 » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:09 PM UTC

A culture that holds individuals accountable must also be forgiving of human foibles—especially with sincere apologies.

It’s refreshing to see two adults acting like it: Matthew limited his criticism to what was relevant, and Matthias responded promptly, politely, and apologetically. Both stances take humility and wisdom.

Re: Apology

#26

Post by neolog » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:09 PM UTC

An apology is a good first step and I'm glad he's taken it. There are several remaining steps, including gathering feedback, developing an improvement plan, and implementing it. I hope Felleisen will take these steps too.

Re: Apology

#27

Post by jtbayly » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:10 PM UTC

spoonjim wrote: post #21

jtbayly wrote: post #17

Summary of several HN replies: “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t cut it. You need to pay for it before we will accept your apology.” Hence, cancel culture. Edit: There’s no need to therefor assume the dude is totally changed based on one apology, but good grief people. The lesson I’m learning here is, “Never apologize. It will do no good and will simply drag the situation out longer.”

Well if saying “sorry” provides one with complete absolution then what’s the real cost of acting badly?

Who said it absolves him? The question is why attack him for apologizing?

Re: Apology

#28

Post by LAC-Tech » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:10 PM UTC

MaxBarraclough wrote: post #3

Context: Why I no longer contribute to Racket . https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=27531508

I really think people need to learn to push back, and talk plainly.

This could have easily been a blog called "that time Felleisen was being a cunt and I told him to go fuck himself" and been 1/4 the length.

Re: Apology

#29

Post by jtbayly » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:10 PM UTC

mirthflat83 wrote: post #22

jtbayly wrote: post #17

Summary of several HN replies: “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t cut it. You need to pay for it before we will accept your apology.” Hence, cancel culture. Edit: There’s no need to therefor assume the dude is totally changed based on one apology, but good grief people. The lesson I’m learning here is, “Never apologize. It will do no good and will simply drag the situation out longer.”

I can bully you like him and I just have to say “Oops, sorry I must have had a bad day and I hope you’re cool with my apology”? Cool deal

Oh yeah. That’s definitely what I said. /s

Edit: for what it’s worth, I would accept your apology for totally misrepresenting what I said and trying to make me look like an idiot. (Sort of sounds like bullying, doesn’t it?)

Re: Apology

#30

Post by encryptluks2 » Thu, Jun 17, 2021, 10:10 PM UTC

jtbayly wrote: post #17

Summary of several HN replies: “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Saying you’re sorry doesn’t cut it. You need to pay for it before we will accept your apology.” Hence, cancel culture. Edit: There’s no need to therefor assume the dude is totally changed based on one apology, but good grief people. The lesson I’m learning here is, “Never apologize. It will do no good and will simply drag the situation out longer.”

This is the 2nd wave style of #metoo cancel culture