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My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

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Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#31

Post by jjk166 »

echelon wrote: post #16
jjk166 wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You clearly didn't read the article. Phones certainly can be a problem, but the problem here has nothing to do with the phone.

I did read the article and saw the author blaming themselves and calling themselves bad parents. It's not all their fault. They're fighting an asymmetric war. Millions of parents are.

Oh, you read the article where a mother repeatedly says her 11 year old daughter is just like a crack addict because she prefers being on her phone to making her bed? The article where the mother admits to going into fits of rage and punishes the 11 year old child for doing nothing that isn't normally tolerated even in this already very strict household? The article where this mother of an 11 year old blames nothing but the phone for the fact that this girl entering into adolescence behaves differently than when she was a child?

No, this article was written by a narcissist who can't handle her little girl growing up and rather than dealing with it in a healthy way is instead raging against an inanimate object.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#32

Post by asciimov »

Sounds like two different issues:

1. A child that is growing up.

2. A parent that gives in too much.

This lady needs to set rules for use, and then be firm with them. If you don't want your child to use a device for more than an hour a day, don't let them use it for nine.

All this child is doing is learning that their parent is a push over. You gotta be firm and push back.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#33

Post by berberous »

Ishmaeli wrote: post #7

Looks like correlation, not causation. Our precocious angels have been transforming into sullen monsters at the onset of adolescence since the beginning of time. Do we really think they would have stayed precocious angels forever, if only they had never discovered comic books or rock'n'roll or TV or video games or whatever the current teenage vice happens to be? Sure, there is good evidence that smartphones are more…

I had the opposite take. I also feel like an addict with my iPhone, and I’m old enough that they didn’t exist when I was a teenager. I’m not sure why the author thinks waiting until her daughter was 14 would have changed much, she would just end up addicted then.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#34

Post by minusthebrandon »

ccleve wrote: post #21
minusthebrandon wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife and I both work full-time and we still stick to my daughter's iPad restrictions: only an hour a day, no Instagram or TikTok or YouTube at all, and she only gets it after homework and chores and other things are done. We never take it anywhere. It's important that parents set AND KEEP boundaries. My daughter now knows not to expect to be able to Snapchat her friends or anyone else because she's never been able…

How old is your child? Whether you can get away with this very much depends on the child.

She's 8. I'll grant that this works for us now. As she ages, we'll give her more responsibility for handling boundaries on her own.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#35

Post by aazaa »

The article doesn't focus on what's going on outside of the phone. 14 is a pivotal age, because it's about that time that high school starts. A lot of what the author describes sounds like a girl beginning the process of detaching herself from her parents. But there could be other factors at work.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#36

Post by NegativeLatency »

minusthebrandon wrote: post #22
londons_explore wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lack of ability to snapchat friends might not seem important... But communication is key to nearly everything in life, and not being part of those snapchat rumours, disputes and controversies now will probably mean your daughter doesn't get as good at the skills to interact with her peers in 20 years time.

She interacts with her peers at school and with her family... by that same token, ANYONE who grew up before Snapchat or the Internet had or has lacking social skills. Also, she CAN FaceTime. I would not consider Snapchat or TikTok to be "socializing with friends" for an 8 year old.

I missed out on texting because of similar choices by my parents, at the time it was not fun

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#37

Post by minusthebrandon »

snazz wrote: post #23
londons_explore wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Lack of ability to snapchat friends might not seem important... But communication is key to nearly everything in life, and not being part of those snapchat rumours, disputes and controversies now will probably mean your daughter doesn't get as good at the skills to interact with her peers in 20 years time.

Yes. I don't know how old the GP's daughter is, but restricting communication apps—especially during a pandemic—seems counterproductive. TikTok, sure, whatever; it's a time suck and doesn't really help with social skills. But socializing online really matters now, especially for adolescents. Edit: If she's eight years old, then this seems like a more reasonable restriction. Disregard what I said previously. Eleven or…

Yes, she is 8. But even if she were 10 or 11, we'd probably keep similar restrictions. She does have access to FaceTime and our time restriction will probably grow as she ages.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#38

Post by ccleve »

KungFuJohnny wrote: post #2

Title is completely misleading. The problem has nothing to do with an iPhone. It has 100% to do with bad parenting. The author even acknowledges this, but I guess blaming the iPhone gets more clicks than "Poor parenting harms child".

As the parent of a twelve year old, I can tell you that it's not so simple.

I gave my son an old computer a couple of years ago because he expressed a vague interest in learning to code like his daddy. That really didn't work out. But he discovered a great big world out there, and the computer was his window to it. And yes, the effects on his creativity were the same as for the child in the article.

So we tried, and partly succeeded, in limiting his time on it. But the truth is, there is a great deal for him to learn on YouTube, and we often do it together. His Minecraft creations are incredible. He maintains relationships with friends, including a distant cousin, through Discord and gaming. He sets up offline playdates the same way. These are not bad things.

Plus, with the pandemic, his schooling is all remote now. He has to log on in the morning and jump from Zoom class to class until early afternoon, and then all of his homework and reading is on Google Classroom. No, I can't limit access if we want him to attend school.

The problem here is not one of addiction and weak parenting. It's that screen time is genuinely valuable, and figuring out how to balance on-screen and off-screen activities isn't easy.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#39

Post by whymauri »

This is incredibly dramatic. Buy her some drawing and art apps. Lean into the TikTok thing and find her a local dance or drama troupe. This is what we did with my younger sister, who is the same age. Instead of painting on a canvas, she paints digitally. Instead of bemoaning her TikToks, we've taken her to singing and dancing competitions, which she's won.

Or, perhaps, accept that during a pandemic, when your child's entire social sphere has collapsed, the internet, Roblox, Minecraft, TikTok, et. al. are the closest they can get to interacting with and making friends.

>When friends visit, she occasionally asks them to watch her latest TikTok videos. Some are even funny and creative. Or so I tell myself. It helps with the guilt.

I can't be the only person who finds this comment to be really sad.

This isn't the iPhone's fault. This is someone failing to support their child's hobbies because they're not the perfect idyllic vision they had. End of story.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#40

Post by nineplay »

KungFuJohnny wrote: post #2

Title is completely misleading. The problem has nothing to do with an iPhone. It has 100% to do with bad parenting. The author even acknowledges this, but I guess blaming the iPhone gets more clicks than "Poor parenting harms child".

I think it's more of a caution/commiseration article, with a bit of sadness at kids inevitably growing up. I'm not going to sit and pretend that I have iron-clad rules on electronics and my kids never get more screen time than Bill Gates might recommend. We're all figuring out how to navigate it, and most of us are doing it imperfectly.
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