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Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

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Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#31

Post by thwarted »

zdw wrote: post #25
hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

Just to add to this, it's good to do things outside of your comfort zone in low pressure/stress situations where the consequences of failure are minor. It's not a good idea to pick up skydiving when you're in a burning plane and it's the only option.

Is it better to pick up being a firefighter when you're in a burning plane and skydiving is the only option?

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#32

Post by johnrob »

It didn't mess up my life, but when I was in high school the conventional wisdom was that being well rounded helped you get into good colleges. I spent a lot of time playing team sports and the saxophone; neither of those are hobbies of mine today. I wish I had spent some of that time doing something that would still be relevant to me today, like programming (there are a LOT of successful founders that started programming in their early teens; I didn't start until college).

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#34

Post by Tichy »

nostromo wrote: post #29
cookiecaper wrote: post #19

I've found most "conventional wisdom" to be bad advice. "Wait for marriage", "wait for kids" are both bad advice. "Go to college" is not necessarily bad advice, but the universal expectation that one will do so is bad, and it is bad advice for a lot of people. There's a lot of other bad advice out there.

Why are "wait for marriage" and "wait for kids" bad advice?

Because suddenly you are too old.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#35

Post by withoutasound »

hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

> Wear a suite (sic) and act professional for a job interview

Worst advice I've ever received. For my first job interview in the tech field, I wore a jacket and tie. Every guy in the place had his sandals up on his desk. I also said 'no, thanks' when offered a beverage, and I think I came off as someone who was there to audit the place.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#36

Post by il »

zdw wrote: post #25
hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

Just to add to this, it's good to do things outside of your comfort zone in low pressure/stress situations where the consequences of failure are minor. It's not a good idea to pick up skydiving when you're in a burning plane and it's the only option.

What I learned is that, if you're an educated individual living in a first world country, the consequences of failure are _almost always_ minor. Act accordingly.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#38

Post by ses »

ericb wrote: post #27
hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

As an opposing viewpoint, every major advance in my life has come from stepping outside of my comfort zone and tackling something in which I had no idea what I was doing. -public speaking -asking women out -learning to dance -socializing/making friends -lifting weights -starting a business -doing sales work -learning to program edit: The vast majority of these made me very uncomfortable and awkard, not "a little".

I couldn't agree more with the sentiment that - often - stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to good things. However there has to be some reason you want to do it, despite it making you uncomfortable. Otherwise the fact that you're not being yourself will overshadow whatever it is you're trying to achieve.

I made myself go back to university when my first experience was not successful, I'm now on track for a great degree. I am in the process of chasing a few business opportunities, and I'm putting myself in the position of a marketing man. This has already lead to some promising leads. I also tried to be a bit more open minded and non-judgemental, and socialise in ways I didn't previously, and I made some great friends as a result.

Your life is in many ways, very much in your own hands.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#39

Post by aaronbrethorst »

hasenj wrote: post #11

Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you. Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before. If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you. Examples of stepping outside comfort zo…

Wearing a suit != "[seeming] like a 'good, obedient' employee." I have always really appreciated it when job candidates dress up for their interviews. It makes it seem like they're saying to me 'I know this isn't your dress code, but I want to put my best foot forward and make sure you know I take this interaction seriously.'

    Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing this makes you look like a fool)
I wouldn't be with my girlfriend of a year and a half if I hadn't stuck my neck out and gotten outside my comfort zone when I was introduced to her. It doesn't make you look like a fool; it provides you with an aura of confidence.

    Go to social events where you don't know anyone there.
As a corollary, I imagine you'd also suggest never moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, right?

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#40

Post by Jach »

mduvall wrote: post #2

Everybody in college pretends to be not working hard as they like to admit, thus the advice that comes from colleagues along the lines of "don't do the homework, it's really a waste of time" when everybody is actually doing it, could screw you over. It didn't mess up my life per se, but definitely had an impact on my grades when I was a naive freshman.

> Everybody in college pretends to be not working hard as they like to admit

Is this true when it's a student telling the outside world? It's a useful strategy to claim one's working really hard in school to explain why he hasn't been calling / doesn't want to visit over spring break / doesn't have a girlfriend / why the parents should keep sending money / etc.

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