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Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

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Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#11
Not from any specific person, but the idea that you have to step outside your comfort zone and do X and Y even though it doesn't come naturally to you.

Every time I did that things got messed up and I ended up worse than I was before.

If you're outside your comfort zone, you will act in non-authentic ways, and when you're not being authentic, you can't be the best possible you.

Examples of stepping outside comfort zone:

* Wear a suite and act professional for a job interview

* Say hi to random strangers so you can make friends (even though you're introverted and doing this makes you look like a fool)

* Go to social events where you don't know anyone there.

EDIT: thanks for the down votes. Now let me explain why this is bad advice:

- Act not like yourself for a job interview:

This is bad because instead of showing them your strong points, you'll be busy trying to hide your weak points and seem like a "good, obedient" employee. Eventually you fail at both: your bad points will still show, while your good points won't get a chance.

- Begging friendship from random strangers:

Makes you look like a fool, insecure person that nobody wants to be friends with.

EDIT2: I'm not talking about little steps. Venturing into new areas is fun. Throwing yourself into the middle of an extremely uncomfortable situation is completely different.

One of the reasons I found "step outside your comfort zone" to be bad advice is that they never tell you how far to go and when you should stop. It seems consequential that you never know when you have gone too far, because you're outside the zone where you can use your intuition sensibly. If you were able to tell that you've gone too far, then by definition you're still inside your comfort zone.

If something only makes you a little bit uncomfortable, it will feel like it's still inside your comfort zone, and if you're trying to follow the "step outside your comfort zone" advice, you'll be tempted to go even further.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#16
post #2

Everybody in college pretends to be not working hard as they like to admit, thus the advice that comes from colleagues along the lines of "don't do the homework, it's really a waste of time" when everybody is actually doing it, could screw you over. It didn't mess up my life per se, but definitely had an impact on my grades when I was a naive freshman.

How much of that homework is just busy work? Working hard on busy work is useless when it doesn't help foster any learning. It's unfortunate that many professors assign useless assignments and that it has become an accepted part of the curriculum.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#18
"You're time will come": You will make it your time.

"Only geniuses go to Harvard": No they don't. Hard working people and wealthy people go to Harvard (those not mutually exclusive)... not geniuses. Intelligence doesn't mean crap, only hard work. This isn't a dig against Harvard, just a dig against people who don't go to Harvard but think they know how to get in.

"Be a generalist": Bullshit. Nobody wants to hire a generalist, they a php rockstar or a rails god.... not a guy who can do mediocre programming in 10 languages. Specialization is the key.

"Read widely": That is an excuse from people who like to read widely for its own sake, but the truth is FOCUSED reading is a better strategy. You'd be better off reading two programming book than reading one programming book and a novel.

Re: Ask HN: What advice messed up your life?

#19
I've found most "conventional wisdom" to be bad advice. "Wait for marriage", "wait for kids" are both bad advice. "Go to college" is not necessarily bad advice, but the universal expectation that one will do so is bad, and it is bad advice for a lot of people. There's a lot of other bad advice out there.
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