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Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

nytimes.com

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Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#31

Post by PavlovsCat »

Swizec wrote: post #11
fouc wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And worse is when it's the pictures are ultimately used to compete in the popularity contests of facebook & instagram :)

That’s the thing though. We all enjoy experiences differently. Taking pictures helps me focus on interesting events and primes me to notice more about them. 90% of the time I never look at those photos again but the act of having taken them helps the event stick in my memory longer. Like taking notes during meeting or whatever. It’s a mindfulness device.

I love taking my DSLR in a bag with me, in the hopes of finding a photo on the way to wherever I'm going. I rarely take it out, I got real lazy, but just having it with me still "makes me" look at things differently, and I enjoy that. I don't know if it makes me more mindful, but it makes even a boring street I might walk down every day much more interesting.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#32

Post by intrarTrode »

Swizec wrote: post #6
fouc wrote: post #5

Millennials - the generation of photographers, because of smartphones and instagram. Does anyone else get irritated when their friends feel obligated to whip out their phone to take pictures when you're out and about in new locations?

As one of those friends: I’m sorry I enjoy your company and want to cherish it as a good memory.

You can apologize by not modifying my behavior with your ad tech microscope. Put it back in your pocket.

Thanks.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#33

Post by throwvet90 »

nickysielicki wrote: post #22

Never let anyone tell you that our current standard of "normal" is normal. It's only the pressures of the world that make teenagers retract from their parents. Every emotion you've ever felt has been developed, whether by God or by hundreds of thousands of years of natural selection. Conscious thought may deliver us to emotion, but the emotion that you arrive at is something that has always been inside of you. When f…

> Kids have been sexualized and have to grow up too quickly. Kids have been made into tiny workers that do busy work for most of their childhood, away from their parents, because both parents have to work.

> It's dystopian, disgusting and perverted

Correct me if I'm wrong, but for most of history, weren't "kids" already married and working to support a family when they were in their teens?

I know my grandparents, my great-grandparents, and a few before them were married before they turned 18. And two of my grandparents told me they worked at a factory when they were around 7!

Add to the fact that if you got married and then moved to another state, it could be years before you see your parents again.

After my paternal great-grandmother got married at 16 and moved across the country, she never saw her parents again. They did exchange letters but that was it. And according to my grandfather (her son), it was pretty common.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#34

Post by gonehome »

nickysielicki wrote: post #22

Never let anyone tell you that our current standard of "normal" is normal. It's only the pressures of the world that make teenagers retract from their parents. Every emotion you've ever felt has been developed, whether by God or by hundreds of thousands of years of natural selection. Conscious thought may deliver us to emotion, but the emotion that you arrive at is something that has always been inside of you. When f…

Maybe, maybe not - something doesn’t have to be pleasant to be advantageous and unpleasant things can be selected either directly or for other reasons.

I would also guess that sexuality is delayed later today than historically.

https://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/Group_selection

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#35

Post by walrus01 »

nickysielicki wrote: post #22

Never let anyone tell you that our current standard of "normal" is normal. It's only the pressures of the world that make teenagers retract from their parents. Every emotion you've ever felt has been developed, whether by God or by hundreds of thousands of years of natural selection. Conscious thought may deliver us to emotion, but the emotion that you arrive at is something that has always been inside of you. When f…

> The idea that the family has become such a secondary consideration in modern society, to the point that this mother is advocating to others mothers about the opportunity to vicariously know your own child via the Internet...

Teenagers have been sneaking around behind their parents' backs, trying to assert their own newfound agency and independence, long before the Internet existed. I'm sure parents in the 1960s worried about their 16 years olds "smoking the reefer" and socializing together in groups, late at night, without adult supervision.

I don't think it's unusual at all for a teenager to consciously make a decision not to share every detail of their personal life with their parents, so it's logical that if you want to know what they're really discussing amongst their peer group, look at their social media profiles.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#36

Post by PavlovsCat »

gumby wrote: post #14
warent wrote: post #12

"I had never asked to see Paulina’s feed. I didn’t even know the name she used." I think therein lies a big part of the problem. She's feeling rejected that her 15 year old daughter won't listen to her acoustic cover of some band from her generation, but then doesn't express interest in this huge part of her daughter's generation. I don't have children so this is just armchair/backseat parenting which I understand is…

Consider it the other way -- she's giving her child privacy. I never asked to "friend" my son on social media (and told him why) and he invited me to FB, which I believe he curates pretty heavily and doesn't use much -- basically to make a picture for old people. He hasn't asked me to friend him on instagram or snapchat and that's OK (and various IG pictures leak out anyway via other channels, like other people)

Perfect mix of giving them room and still having an open door. I'm not a parent, but I remember being young, and I remember what a difference such a live and let live attitude made. The implicit understanding that I can have my "secrets", that I don't have to pretend to not have any, but that if there's anything serious, I'll say something.

The adults I trusted and the ones I was wary of I could divide roughly along that axis I think: give me room and I'll feel grateful and proud and super grown up and will try to be responsible, or be pushy and patronizing and nothing good will come out of it (certainly when it was just random adults, not my parents or teachers, I could out-stubborn anyone).

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#37

Post by swelz »

kiliantics wrote: post #8

This seems mostly like a not-so-humblebrag about her daughter than anything else. Child of NYTimes editor and journalist in Brooklyn has 1000 followers on instagram. Real big news.

It's more of her having an emotional discovery of how she can still see and view her daughter's life, even if she hasn't figured out how to be an active participant yet. Sure she used her position to write about it and throw it up on NYT but the bigger point is that it could help many parents who have similar issues find some solace, or maybe another avenue to reconnect with their teenager's life. I think this is something that resonates with those who have children that are pulling away.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#38

Post by nl »

nickysielicki wrote: post #22

Never let anyone tell you that our current standard of "normal" is normal. It's only the pressures of the world that make teenagers retract from their parents. Every emotion you've ever felt has been developed, whether by God or by hundreds of thousands of years of natural selection. Conscious thought may deliver us to emotion, but the emotion that you arrive at is something that has always been inside of you. When f…

This is - of course - historically wrong.

Through most of history, in terms of "general", "average" lifestyle both parents have worked from dawn to dusk doing manual labor or. If they saw their (over ~6 yo) children during this time it was because the children were working with them.

It's always been normal for children to grow up and be less known to their parents.

20 years ago the same people would complain how their kids would go to the mall and they'd never know what they were doing.

The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. -- Socrates, ~420BC.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#40

Post by gowld »

throwvet90 wrote: post #33
nickysielicki wrote: post #22

Never let anyone tell you that our current standard of "normal" is normal. It's only the pressures of the world that make teenagers retract from their parents. Every emotion you've ever felt has been developed, whether by God or by hundreds of thousands of years of natural selection. Conscious thought may deliver us to emotion, but the emotion that you arrive at is something that has always been inside of you. When f…

> Kids have been sexualized and have to grow up too quickly. Kids have been made into tiny workers that do busy work for most of their childhood, away from their parents, because both parents have to work. > It's dystopian, disgusting and perverted Correct me if I'm wrong, but for most of history, weren't "kids" already married and working to support a family when they were in their teens? I know my grandparents, my…

Teenage marriages were not the norm.

https://www.google.com/search?q=average+age+of+marriage+hist...

https://www.infoplease.com/us/marital-status/median-age-firs...

Median Age at First Marriage, 1890–2010

Year Males Females 1890 26.1 22.0

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