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Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

nytimes.com

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Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#11

Post by Swizec »

fouc wrote: post #7
Swizec wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As one of those friends: I’m sorry I enjoy your company and want to cherish it as a good memory.

And worse is when it's the pictures are ultimately used to compete in the popularity contests of facebook & instagram :)

That’s the thing though. We all enjoy experiences differently. Taking pictures helps me focus on interesting events and primes me to notice more about them. 90% of the time I never look at those photos again but the act of having taken them helps the event stick in my memory longer.

Like taking notes during meeting or whatever. It’s a mindfulness device.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#12

Post by warent »

"I had never asked to see Paulina’s feed. I didn’t even know the name she used."

I think therein lies a big part of the problem. She's feeling rejected that her 15 year old daughter won't listen to her acoustic cover of some band from her generation, but then doesn't express interest in this huge part of her daughter's generation.

I don't have children so this is just armchair/backseat parenting which I understand is much easier from the sidelines. That being said, it seems very evident to me that it would probably help her tremendously if she would update herself with pop culture and technology a little bit to make herself a more accessible and relatable to her daughter, because playing music from yester-generation is only going to make herself seem more foreign and distant (in this particular scenario)

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#13

Post by pacaro »

warent wrote: post #12

"I had never asked to see Paulina’s feed. I didn’t even know the name she used." I think therein lies a big part of the problem. She's feeling rejected that her 15 year old daughter won't listen to her acoustic cover of some band from her generation, but then doesn't express interest in this huge part of her daughter's generation. I don't have children so this is just armchair/backseat parenting which I understand is…

Even as the parent of a 4 year old I feel that my opinion is somewhat “armchair/backseat” but I agree with you, with an addendum.

It’s good and important for parents and other adults in teenagers’ lives to keep current on pop culture, but even at 30 years remove I remember how cringe worthy and counter productive it was when such an adult thought that they could relate because of a few radio and tv shows that they watched. Following your child’s Instagram feed may well give a way deeper insight, maybe asking to share their playlists too

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#14

Post by gumby »

warent wrote: post #12

"I had never asked to see Paulina’s feed. I didn’t even know the name she used." I think therein lies a big part of the problem. She's feeling rejected that her 15 year old daughter won't listen to her acoustic cover of some band from her generation, but then doesn't express interest in this huge part of her daughter's generation. I don't have children so this is just armchair/backseat parenting which I understand is…

Consider it the other way -- she's giving her child privacy.

I never asked to "friend" my son on social media (and told him why) and he invited me to FB, which I believe he curates pretty heavily and doesn't use much -- basically to make a picture for old people.

He hasn't asked me to friend him on instagram or snapchat and that's OK (and various IG pictures leak out anyway via other channels, like other people)

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#15

Post by gumby »

bruxis wrote: post #2

I must be extremely disconnected from this author's perception of the world (and their relationship with their daughter). This quote at the very top of the article really grinds my gears : "Few things are more painful than loving a 15-year-old girl, particularly when she is your child." The rest of the article isn't as catchy, but reads a lot like a very long (15-year) case of postpartum depression.

I appreciated that the author even related her disconnection to her daughter to her own perspective of the same thing when she had been the same age.

The whole point of childrearing is that the kids have to disconnect as part of becoming responsible independent adults. While the ultimate level of disconnection varies by parent/child, the process of getting there is going to oscillate above and below the "ideal" amount.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#16

Post by ksdale »

warent wrote: post #12

"I had never asked to see Paulina’s feed. I didn’t even know the name she used." I think therein lies a big part of the problem. She's feeling rejected that her 15 year old daughter won't listen to her acoustic cover of some band from her generation, but then doesn't express interest in this huge part of her daughter's generation. I don't have children so this is just armchair/backseat parenting which I understand is…

I think you nailed it from the armchair. My parents and my wife’s parents reminisce fondly about evenings spent playing cards and singing songs with their families growing up, and they’re sad that those things aren’t much a part of our culture any more (at least not in our small circle of the world). The other night though, my wife and I were playing Stardew Valley multiplayer with two of our young children and it hit me that we had basically organically stumbled upon family game night just from trying to do things that the kids were interested in as much as us that also involve some interaction with each other (as opposed to say, watching the same TV show next to each other).

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#17

Post by wisdomoftheages »

warent wrote: post #12

"I had never asked to see Paulina’s feed. I didn’t even know the name she used." I think therein lies a big part of the problem. She's feeling rejected that her 15 year old daughter won't listen to her acoustic cover of some band from her generation, but then doesn't express interest in this huge part of her daughter's generation. I don't have children so this is just armchair/backseat parenting which I understand is…

To be fair to her, she played it because she heard her daughter listening to it and thought they would be able to bond over it. It must feel terrible to have your kid actively reject something they previously liked because they found out you liked it too, even if it’s a normal part of adolescence.

Re: Rediscovering My Daughter Through Instagram

#18

Post by pm90 »

ksdale wrote: post #16
warent wrote: post #12

"I had never asked to see Paulina’s feed. I didn’t even know the name she used." I think therein lies a big part of the problem. She's feeling rejected that her 15 year old daughter won't listen to her acoustic cover of some band from her generation, but then doesn't express interest in this huge part of her daughter's generation. I don't have children so this is just armchair/backseat parenting which I understand is…

I think you nailed it from the armchair. My parents and my wife’s parents reminisce fondly about evenings spent playing cards and singing songs with their families growing up, and they’re sad that those things aren’t much a part of our culture any more (at least not in our small circle of the world). The other night though, my wife and I were playing Stardew Valley multiplayer with two of our young children and it hi…

Have a big upvote from me. Your family sounds awesome, and, I guess, just the kind of family that I wanted growing up. A family that would be as interested in the world of Harry Potter and Tolkein as I was. Or in the music I found interesting.

I really like this style of parenting that I see here in the US where children are not treated "childishly"; are actually listened to and the parents try and build a relationship with their children by engaging in activities that all enjoy.

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