Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

bbc.co.uk

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

31–40 of 207 posts

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#31

Post by mercer »

gowld wrote: post #22
mercer wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was only diagnosed at around 30, and so I also just kind of figured out how to 'pass for normal'. One of my biggest frustrations when I talk about this stuff is that people will 1) insist I'm not autistic, as a compliment of sorts, 2) insist I'm not autistic as a sort of attack/defense, lest I 'use' it to victimize myself, or 3) start treating me like a 'broken' person and assigning all 'oddness' to aspergers. At f…

"Autism" is simply a label for a certain basket of personality characteristics that tend to occur together. It's scientifically interesting but not very relevant to daily life -- especially on the milder end where there's less predictive power (in more severe autism, seeing one symptom makes it likely that you'll see other symptoms, so you can correctly plan to encounter them). The label itself doesn't provide more m…

At least over here, one of the requirements for diagnosis is that it impacts your life negatively enough to benefit from being labeled and receiving treatment. What makes you think this is not the case?

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#32

Post by roryrjb »

mercer wrote: post #21
roryrjb wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is the exact feeling I get, for some things I just don't get why most people do that. I realise that for some people it may be hard to cope with or people might be intolerant or ignorant, and not to put those on the spectrum down or anything but I kind of think that everyone is on "the spectrum" with "normal" people just on one far side of it, it's just another part of being human. Someone I know very well is de…

While I think you have a point, I really, really dislike the conclusion, as I've seen and experienced the harm it causes. While I'm sure there are cases where the person diagnosed is coddled (and this is something to keep an eye on), there are many more cases where there's a real problem, and the lack of a diagnosis or the lack of accepting that the (un)diagnosed simply has limitations is a big part of the problem. I…

Yeah true. I guess it's a wide spectrum, and it depends on what effect the condition has. I guess I mainly said that with regard to more milder symptoms, where that person would be fine but are in a sense held back by the diagnosis.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#33

Post by cgmg »

lisper wrote: post #2

Aspergers was not a thing when I was growing up in the 70s so I was never formally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, and the result was a pretty painful childhood. I managed to drag myself out of it and give myself an education in social skills, and nowadays you'd never guess that I'm Aspie (my wife still doesn't believe me, but I think she's an undiagnosed Aspie herself). Even to this day there are…

> Even to this day there are a lot of things that "normal" people do that are utterly foreign to me, like going to clubs or watching sports on TV. My idea of a good time is reading up on quantum mechanics or the ordinal hierarchy.

These are not signs of Asperger’s.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#34

Post by dgabriel »

isolli wrote: post #3

My wife and I believe our daughter has a (thankfully) mild form of autism. It took us a while, but when the realization came, it was a relief, as we stopped being angry at her and at ourselves: 1) hopefully we did not do anything wrong to cause this, and 2) it is not our daughter's fault that she behaves this way. We did not get a specific diagnostic, and I'm not sure it's worth seeking one. As far as I know, the dia…

My 8 year old daughter is on the spectrum (diagnosed level 1; normal IQ in the 110ish range), and the diagnosis has helped us get intensive in-school support. She's doing well academically, but needs support in writing and social skills. Her diagnosis was essential to getting her the help she needs.

I also highly recommend living in a place with a decent school system and a well staffed special education department. Without that, my daughter would be floundering academically and socially isolated.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#35

Post by Will_Parker »

pluto9 wrote: post #15
lisper wrote: post #2

Aspergers was not a thing when I was growing up in the 70s so I was never formally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, and the result was a pretty painful childhood. I managed to drag myself out of it and give myself an education in social skills, and nowadays you'd never guess that I'm Aspie (my wife still doesn't believe me, but I think she's an undiagnosed Aspie herself). Even to this day there are…

Nothing in your description is specific to Asperger's Syndrome. You sound like an introvert with some social anxiety, which is not a developmental disorder.

That pins down an interesting characteristic of the situation. If we manage to self-treat ourselves into passable normality, few people believe we ever had a serious problem in the first place! Or that they (with their actual serious diagnoses) could learn from those who applied self help and rational analysis to their own lives.

I actually think some people get attached to the idea of their victimhood and helplessness, and this can easily become a disincentive to making positive (and very difficult) change.

(Yes I know there is the other side of it which is real, that medical expertise can help too. But like everything else, oversimplifying into a clear binary of diagnosable vs not, is not always useful.)

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#36

Post by BadCookie »

isolli wrote: post #6
lainga wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It sounds like the parent is talking about validation, not specific psychiatric action. I think it should be OK as long as they don't present their child as professionally diagnosed as such.

Thanks. We're only acting on it insofar as we read about it and try to find practical ways to deal with it. We're not going to medicate her! And when we discuss the topic, we always start with: "We believe that..."

It's not standard to medicate for autism, FYI. The standard recommendation is therapy (Applied Behavioral Analysis, occupational therapy, and speech therapy are most common). One benefit of a diagnosis is that often your insurance company will cover more therapy.

The right next step is to get an actual diagnosis, in my opinion. You might be off-base in your suspicions, or it may turn out that your child is more affected than you suspect.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#37

Post by mercer »

roryrjb wrote: post #32
mercer wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While I think you have a point, I really, really dislike the conclusion, as I've seen and experienced the harm it causes. While I'm sure there are cases where the person diagnosed is coddled (and this is something to keep an eye on), there are many more cases where there's a real problem, and the lack of a diagnosis or the lack of accepting that the (un)diagnosed simply has limitations is a big part of the problem. I…

Yeah true. I guess it's a wide spectrum, and it depends on what effect the condition has. I guess I mainly said that with regard to more milder symptoms, where that person would be fine but are in a sense held back by the diagnosis.

That I completely agree with. After being diagnosed, for quite a bit of time I could not think of anything else, felt more anxious and weird, and tried even harder to 'hide' my quirks.

Over time I realized a lot of those quirks are not so weird, or at least not weirder than those of 'normal' people.

In fact, this is one reason why, as I understand it, adult aspies are sometimes warned that they might not want a proper diagnosis, as it can have a severe negative effect (even if just self-worth), and there's not much that can be done to 'solve' the problem.

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#38

Post by walshemj »

lisper wrote: post #2

Aspergers was not a thing when I was growing up in the 70s so I was never formally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, and the result was a pretty painful childhood. I managed to drag myself out of it and give myself an education in social skills, and nowadays you'd never guess that I'm Aspie (my wife still doesn't believe me, but I think she's an undiagnosed Aspie herself). Even to this day there are…

That's interesting I went to a seminar on Neuro Diversity last week and it's estimated that 10-15% of the population is ND (aspergers being one aspect of ND)

Its also more common in industries that most of the HN commentators work in as is the film tv and theatre industry

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#39

Post by olavk »

lisper wrote: post #2

Aspergers was not a thing when I was growing up in the 70s so I was never formally diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I'm on the spectrum, and the result was a pretty painful childhood. I managed to drag myself out of it and give myself an education in social skills, and nowadays you'd never guess that I'm Aspie (my wife still doesn't believe me, but I think she's an undiagnosed Aspie herself). Even to this day there are…

Being interested in science does not mean you have Aspergers. Neither does not having certain interests like sports or clubbing. Only a minority go to clubs anyway, so I don't even see why they are the "normal"? (I'm not disputing your self-diagnosis here, just pointing out choice of hobbies have nothing to do with it.)

Re: It all made sense when we found out we were autistic

#40

Post by mercer »

Will_Parker wrote: post #35
pluto9 wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Nothing in your description is specific to Asperger's Syndrome. You sound like an introvert with some social anxiety, which is not a developmental disorder.

That pins down an interesting characteristic of the situation. If we manage to self-treat ourselves into passable normality, few people believe we ever had a serious problem in the first place! Or that they (with their actual serious diagnoses) could learn from those who applied self help and rational analysis to their own lives. I actually think some people get attached to the idea of their victimhood and helplessne…

I've read that there are quite a few people who sort of 'grow out' of their aspergers, often when they find a suitable partner. While obviously they might still be neurologically different, as a result the diagnosis might not strictly apply anymore.
Post reply on HN