31–40 of 130 posts
There's an interesting lesson in there as well about pair dancing, in that you can have wildly different experiences with each partner, similar to relationships.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I don't agree that you can "fix" emotions [or, say, remove an emotion by eradicating all sources], rather than cope with them. But, I think you raise a really valid point. I need to start doing, rather than thinking about it. This post, albeit inconsequential, was my first step in "doing" something about it. I've been alone for years. I've never admitted it. I'm reaching out. I just need to.. Scale up. Thanks for the…
The problem isn't that you feel lonely, the problem is that you aren't getting the necessary amount of social contact and stimuli.
Likewise, one can feel lonely or empty due to insufficient social contact, wrong kind of social contact, insufficient exercise, or due to physical or psychological conditions.
Healthy empiricism is vital: like you said, our senses are telling us something for a reason (our ancestors wouldn't get far on the savannah if the predator they saw with their eyes was just as likely to be a fantom as the real thing, or if feelings of loneliness or isolation were just as likely to suggest eating more of a certain berry instead of joining a hunter gatherer pack), but it's important examine evidence impartially and in total (like a physician would do) as well as to make falsifiable hypotheses (one can never say "i have this specific pain due to a twisted wrist from an accident" with full certainty, but one can say that this is not the case if the wrist is not fractured in the first place and thus avoid treatment specific to a twisted wrist.)
I'd advice the OP to quantify the social contact one is getting and to describe its qualities (with evidence for and against) and make an action plan that tests the hypothesis, rules out some common alternatives (e.g., if one has family history of depression or physiological conditions like thyroidism, see a doctor first; if one is also not getting insufficient physical exercise, try that as well.) and a fall back plan if those aren't the case (perhaps taking a vacation to see if one needs a change of scenery, going to a conference and talking to others in the industry to see if a different group of colleagues might help.)
One somewhat bad advice I keep hearing is to enter into something that involves a long term commitment (e.g., get a pet, change jobs, or most commonly and more dangerously go to a dating site) as the first and/or only thing to try. All of these things are good and in many case help (e.g., now that I'm married and have two dogs, I find myself feeling less lonely than I did prior to this, even some of my closest friends have moved away recently), but have the tendency to act as short term distractions from a deeper or more difficult problem. It may end up doing little to help or might make things worse in the long term (neglecting a pet, hurting one's long term career, or getting into a codependent relationship) IF done without any reflection beforehand, that is "just because" it seemed at the time that to be the easiest and most obvious thing to do.
Don't cope with it - fix the problem. Emotions are designed to tell you important facts about the word. Pain tells you that there's ongoing physical harm that you ought to avoid, anger tells you that you're in an appropriate position to start or threaten to start a physical fight, grief tells you that you temporarily need to get the support of the tribe as you adjust to your loss, and so forth. What loneliness tells…
I would strongly advice against that. Research has shown that the use of Tinder decreases the self-worthyness of in particular male users.
I'm an introvert. There's a saying, "You're never alone with a good book." For me, that's certainly the case. If you're not a bookworm, try audiobooks. Also, I love dogs (probably more than most people). They're loyal, do not judge (unless you have a treat), and live in the moment - what more could one ask for?:) Animals can provide a lot of companionship.
My book shelves are overflowing :) I agree, never alone with a good book. But, having spent weeks at a time reading 5+ hours a day, it can become lonely in itself. A doggo might be a good choice
Was perfect way to spend an afternoon without draining too much energy.
You could look for groups to participate in that involve some established interest of you, such as a book club. You could also put the word out that you are looking to widen your social circle and find some means to signal to existing acquaintances that you would appreciate it if they kept you in mind or pointed you in the right direction. Just letting people know you are open to introductions can help foster them. Introverts are often basically giving off "Go away!" signals without really being aware of it.
Some options that I have tried and have helped: - Try Meetup.com. Endless options there. Don't be afraid to be awkward. Read about social skills and practice them. - Be a better friend and initiate contact with people you know - don't wait for them. - Also make a list of all people/friends you know local or non-local. Refer to that list and keep in touch. This is harder than it looks but is important. I was surprised…
Solid advice, thanks. As for some of your suggestions, it's not that I have a laundry list of out-of-touch friends. I keep in touch with every one of my good friends from High School and College. The problem is, that list is about | | Thank-you.
Problematic. For many people these are the only ways they are organizing activities together. It's all about how you use them...
This is the first few part of the friendship formula. Proximity and frequency.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
My book shelves are overflowing :) I agree, never alone with a good book. But, having spent weeks at a time reading 5+ hours a day, it can become lonely in itself. A doggo might be a good choice
Friends & I 'invented' unsociable socializing. At the weekend we'd sometimes meet in a coffeeshop, bring our books and just read. Stopping occasionally for a chat & refilling the coffee, but the main focus was reading. Was perfect way to spend an afternoon without draining too much energy.