Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

hi!

I'm an introvert. There's a saying, "You're never alone with a good book." For me, that's certainly the case. If you're not a bookworm, try audiobooks.

Also, I love dogs (probably more than most people). They're loyal, do not judge (unless you have a treat), and live in the moment - what more could one ask for?:) Animals can provide a lot of companionship.

My book shelves are overflowing :)

I agree, never alone with a good book. But, having spent weeks at a time reading 5+ hours a day, it can become lonely in itself.

A doggo might be a good choice

I've been dealing with just this issue. I, too, am an introvert and require time alone after socializing to 'recharge.' I had a fairly intense bout of depression recently, I realized that it was in part due to do loneliness. So I did some introspection and talked things over with a trusted advisor.

So some things to consider in no particular order:

Shame about being lonely drives people to feel more lonely. Don't let that trap engulf you.

Take steps to explore your psyche and see if the roots of your loneliness are based in issues like self-esteem. Don't take this lightly. It's easy to dismiss, but if those forces are present in your life, they'll be very difficult to see clearly.

Are you religious? Go to church (or sangha or whatever). Got an addiction? Go to a 12 step group meeting. Like board games? Find folks that like to play and hang out with them. Seek out opportunities to interact with people preferably in the flesh, but online can work too.

Get a therapist. Or a spiritual guide. Whatever, as long as they understand how the human psyche works, and that you're there to work. If that suits you.

Don't underestimate loneliness. There's a reason why our most feared punishment is isolating people. Because it's terrible.

Learn to relish solitude. Don't let an idea about solitude trick you into thinking that being alone is good.

Humans are social animals. Not being part of the herd represents an existential threat to us. This is a major cause of suffering in our species.

Humans are solitary animals. Being part of the herd can be a major stressor for us. This is a major cause of suffering in our species.

Best of luck.

I've been struggling to begin rehabilitating and changing my home environment.

I went through hell with a series of offensively noisy and aggressively inconsiderate neighbors. So, I avoided home. And I didn't invite people over. And, as the months wore into years, my home took on aspects of neglect.

I was "trapped" at first by some circumstances I didn't deal with well. Then more thoroughly by the self-reinforcing nature of this decline.

Basically, if I'm not comfortable at home, I do not have people over. I lose a big part of my control over my interactions as well as my ability to reciprocate.

Further, since these circumstances stress me so, I don't feel well about myself -- including my inability to more effectively deal with the situation -- and this also causes me to engage less.

And as this is self-reinforcing, so is the attendant, resultant loneliness.

When I do get away from it, I enjoy interacting with people and seem to do reasonably well at it. Well, the "cool" people are still too self-absorbed to accept me. Fuck them -- a lesson too long in learning.

I'm not saying I have "the answer." But my intuition, of many years now, has not changed: I need to get the hell out of here and to somewhere I'm simply more happy and at peace with myself.

Otherwise, half my mind is always at least subconsciously worrying about the monster behind the door. Like neighbors with sub-woofers who would rattle my windows for hours on end.