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To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

nytimes.com

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Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#31

Post by jccc »

rayiner wrote: post #17

I'm surprised there is so much resistance to this idea on this site of all places. The fact is that in real life (unlike in TV and movies) few people have the emotional intelligence to divine their partner's wants and needs from subtle cues. It may be somewhat unromantic (what does that even mean?) to sit down and write things out, but explicit communication about expectations, boundaries, and priorities can make a r…

I wonder if some of that resistance comes from people here taking the idea too seriously.

Doing a renewable "contract" is just a fun way to be clear about what you want and to track changes over time. We don't even necessarily know everything we want without going through it clearly and out loud. Doing it like this is not some kind of demand but a fun way for people to discover each other and themselves.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#32

Post by kibwen »

toddan wrote: post #23

This feels like something only a woman could put forward or demand in a relationship based on their value in the dating market. A man would be in a much higher risk of being left with the same arrangement.

Man here. Before getting serious in my current relationship, I sat down with my girlfriend and gently initiated a frank conversation about about what each of us expect out of a relationship and what our short-term and long-term priorities are, not just in terms of relationship goals, but also in terms of general life goals to see whether or not a relationship would hinder or help those goals. As someone who's experienced, not one, but two traumatic parental divorces in my life, the last thing I want is to get ten years into a relationship before discovering that our goals are incompatible. This isn't anything exclusive to women.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#33

Post by JustSomeNobody »

dreamdu5t wrote: post #21

Why is this allowed on HN? It's not tech, startups or anything in between. Is there a website like HN that's actually focused/moderated and doesn't mix Cosmo type clickbait with actual news?

> On-Topic: Anything that good hackers would find interesting. That includes more than hacking and startups. If you had to reduce it to a sentence, the answer might be: anything that gratifies one's intellectual curiosity.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#34

Post by danbolt »

rayiner wrote: post #17

I'm surprised there is so much resistance to this idea on this site of all places. The fact is that in real life (unlike in TV and movies) few people have the emotional intelligence to divine their partner's wants and needs from subtle cues. It may be somewhat unromantic (what does that even mean?) to sit down and write things out, but explicit communication about expectations, boundaries, and priorities can make a r…

We should rewrite the article with the same core ideas, but make it about communicating in a tech workplace and see how people respond to it.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#35

Post by schreiaj »

creepydata wrote: post #20
pmarreck wrote: post #14

Intimidated by divorce statistics (a $50 billion industry in the US alone, 30-50% chance, etc.) and by a spate of divorces among my friends whose weddings I attended, Stephanie and I decided to do a domestic partnership. So far so good.

What's a "domestic partnership?" Is it a legal term?

It is, for example here's Tampa's definition: https://www.tampagov.net/city-clerk/programs/domestic-partne...

Prior to the Supreme Court decision some employers (including my own) extended health insurance benefits to same sex domestic partnerships (but it was not required) but did not extend them to different sex partnerships. Since that decision my employer has ceased providing benefits for partnerships at all regardless of genders.

There's reasons folks would do this over a marriage including, like a friend of mine, simply not believing that marriage should be a thing the government should be involved in.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#36

Post by psyc »

danbolt wrote: post #34
rayiner wrote: post #17

I'm surprised there is so much resistance to this idea on this site of all places. The fact is that in real life (unlike in TV and movies) few people have the emotional intelligence to divine their partner's wants and needs from subtle cues. It may be somewhat unromantic (what does that even mean?) to sit down and write things out, but explicit communication about expectations, boundaries, and priorities can make a r…

We should rewrite the article with the same core ideas, but make it about communicating in a tech workplace and see how people respond to it.

Or let it be about relationships, but implemented with Ethereum.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#38

Post by empath75 »

toddan wrote: post #23

This feels like something only a woman could put forward or demand in a relationship based on their value in the dating market. A man would be in a much higher risk of being left with the same arrangement.

Women and men have roughly the same value overall in the dating market. The guys who say this kind of thing tend to have a narrow view of what kind of woman makes an acceptable relationship partner, and ignore a whole lot of women that are available and aren't nearly as well valued by 'the market'.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#39

Post by throwanem »

taneq wrote: post #29
nf05papsjfVbc wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Trust" also happens to be the foundation for a good relationship.

It took me nearly 10 years to understand the line "I believe that trust is more important than monogamy" in that old Savage Garden song. It took an ex who was (I think) physically faithful (at that point) while completely dismantling my faith in humanity to figure that one out.

I can second this. Infidelity was pretty much the last thing that happened, and by then I was already done.

Re: To Stay in Love, Sign on the Dotted Line

#40

Post by rfrey »

dreamdu5t wrote: post #21

Why is this allowed on HN? It's not tech, startups or anything in between. Is there a website like HN that's actually focused/moderated and doesn't mix Cosmo type clickbait with actual news?

>Is there a website like HN that's actually focused/moderated and doesn't mix Cosmo type clickbait with actual news?

There probably isn't one that will never, ever, ever include a link that you're not interested in.

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