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Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

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Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#291

Post by linksnapzz »

arjie wrote: post #251
linksnapzz wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agassiz, who is still remembered for his contributions to geology & fossil taxonomy, can't possibly be a great scientist as he committed wrongthink over a century ago. Eventually, the only great scientists will be ones who are still available to have their opinions policed by modern progressives.

Hey, man, if you want to believe in frauds, go right ahead. Discrimination between useful hypotheses and rubbish ones is how knowledge advances. If you want to hold up losers as your heroes, don't be surprised when no one follows.

Unfortunately for you, Agassiz's hypotheses about a great many things were useful and correct.

But look on the bright side, if a putative belief in creationism would prevent anyone from hearing about a given researcher's other & more defensible work; we would all be laughing at that silly creationist Issac Newton.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#292

Post by kylegordon »

gm-conspiracy wrote: post #255
Bakary wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One method I found works disturbingly well is to have a busy life or cultivate the appearance of a busy life. It's counter-intuitive for some and obvious for others, but people will value you more if you are less available whereas they will treat your time with increasing contempt if you can be reached and interrupted easily. With this reputation in place, people are much less likely to try to trick you into doing wh…

This actually back-fired for a real-estate broker recently. One of his good friend's used another real estate agent to buy a house. The broker, upset that his friend had not contacted him, asked why? The response, "we thought you were too busy." This happened two weeks ago.

I would contest the label of 'good friend' then.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#293

Post by arjie »

linksnapzz wrote: post #291
arjie wrote: post #251

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey, man, if you want to believe in frauds, go right ahead. Discrimination between useful hypotheses and rubbish ones is how knowledge advances. If you want to hold up losers as your heroes, don't be surprised when no one follows.

Unfortunately for you, Agassiz's hypotheses about a great many things were useful and correct. But look on the bright side, if a putative belief in creationism would prevent anyone from hearing about a given researcher's other & more defensible work; we would all be laughing at that silly creationist Issac Newton.

Hey, I can use his results while still decrying him. And I intend to. I call it standing on the shoulders of giants while chipping off their faces.

Seriously, though, you're right. One shouldn't dismiss all of people's work just because they were wrong about some things. But whether someone is a 'great scientist' is a bit unimportant in that sense.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#294

Post by willhslade »

lacampbell wrote: post #112
linksnapzz wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agassiz, who is still remembered for his contributions to geology & fossil taxonomy, can't possibly be a great scientist as he committed wrongthink over a century ago. Eventually, the only great scientists will be ones who are still available to have their opinions policed by modern progressives.

Eventually, the only great scientists will be ones who are still available to have their opinions policed by modern progressives. I think that's becoming less and less true. I'd say we've already reached the nadir of progressivism in the west.

Well... if history is any lesson, the Weimar era of Germany is probably the nadir. We've got a ways to go.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#295

Post by graycateyes »

will_pseudonym wrote: post #7
temp246810 wrote: post #4

I'm going through this change right now. Some words of hard earned "wisdom": make sure the pendulum doesn't swing too far out in the other direction. I went from being an accommodating person to an intense asshole - trying to dial it back now but it's hard, especially when you notice that people definitely respect you more for good or bad reasons when you're like that. Take it too far though, and it will of course go…

There's a great 5 minute clip of the clinical psychologist and professor Dr. Jordan B. Peterson talking about the dangers of being too agreeable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XVMvQhxN_M8

Thank you for sharing this!

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#296

Post by wccrawford »

bitJericho wrote: post #263
wccrawford wrote: post #258

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My wife and her aunt just had a conversation about this recently. It boiled down to this phrase in the end: "That's not going to work for me." Whenever she has to tell someone "no" and knows they're likely to argue, that's the answer she gives. When they ask why, she just repeats it until they realize that the answer is obvious but would be rude to say. Personally, I think it's still rude, but it works for her in way…

You can say no and still help with a solution.

When I ask, "Is it possible to draw 7 perpendicular lines?" I want the answer, "No." If I want to know why, I'll ask why. If I want an alternative, I'll ask for it.

Instead, what was happening was that after they asked their question and I answered, "no," they'd walk away and not attempt to get my help again with it afterwards.

For the longest time, I thought they were like me and that they were looking to have their question answered. They weren't. They were trying (clumsily) to get help with their problem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKorP55Aqvg

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#297

Post by Spooky23 »

jcoffland wrote: post #224
Bakary wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One method I found works disturbingly well is to have a busy life or cultivate the appearance of a busy life. It's counter-intuitive for some and obvious for others, but people will value you more if you are less available whereas they will treat your time with increasing contempt if you can be reached and interrupted easily. With this reputation in place, people are much less likely to try to trick you into doing wh…

> One method I found works disturbingly well is to have a busy life or cultivate the appearance of a busy life. There is nothing original about this. Practically everyone is doing all they can to pretend to be busy, to the point that many people actually believe that they are, and all to avoid meaningful interactions with the people around them. Meaningful interactions are risky and costly and modern people have lost…

I think we go through this arc where when we are young the world revolves around the opinions of others, then we think it resolves around us, and finally we realize that nobody gives a shit.

The virtuous cycle is to learn what and who you care about. The vicious cycle is to shake your fist at the TV.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#298

Post by belenos46 »

Bakary wrote: post #187
TheSpiceIsLife wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am at work, but I don't give a fuck. This is the best thing I've read for a long time: "Because when we give too many fucks, when we choose to give a fuck about everything, then we feel as though we are perpetually entitled to feel comfortable and happy at all times, that’s when life fucks us." [1] 1. https://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck

Isn't that just repackaged Stoicism?

And I choose to feel okay about that.

Re: Why I Quit Being So Accommodating (1922)

#300

Post by creepydata »

gm-conspiracy wrote: post #255
Bakary wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One method I found works disturbingly well is to have a busy life or cultivate the appearance of a busy life. It's counter-intuitive for some and obvious for others, but people will value you more if you are less available whereas they will treat your time with increasing contempt if you can be reached and interrupted easily. With this reputation in place, people are much less likely to try to trick you into doing wh…

This actually back-fired for a real-estate broker recently. One of his good friend's used another real estate agent to buy a house. The broker, upset that his friend had not contacted him, asked why? The response, "we thought you were too busy." This happened two weeks ago.

Friends probably (almost certainly) were lying.

It's generally a good idea, as a rule of thumb, to avoid mixing family/friendship with business(1) - professionals should already know/understand this and respect it. Friends may have copped out with "thought you were too busy" to avoid further offending broker who clearly doesn't understand professionalism and personal boundaries.

Absolutely consult with your friends/family but tread very carefully when considering hiring them. Never, ever, question why a friend doesn't hire you or take it personally - business is business, friendship is friendship.

(1) I have a friend who learned this the hard way when they hired a mutual friend's dad to cater an event. God, that was a disaster that almost ruined a good friendship.

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