Live data from Hacker News

Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

mooreds.com

281–286 of 286 posts

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#281

I call this “Don’t Ask, Tell” and it has so many uses inside but also outside work. It really is just a basic communication skill to hone. It leads to concise and decisive outcomes. I actually have this conversation a lot with my wife. She’s more of an asker. A recent example from earlier this evening. We had arrangements set to meet a group for dinner. Her style is to send a text to the group, 8 people, saying “what…

> But, we knew we would be there an hour early because of where/when we were dropping our kid off for the evening. So I just said TELL them when will be there and TELL them we’ll be at the bar if anyone wants to have a drink beforehand. I do this too. And it's not just better communication, it's better life. This way I'm not dependent on other people to have fun. I'm not waiting on coordination in order to start doin…

lol. Same. And from same example of this dinner night I described started with my wife sharing 3 restaurant options with the group and a few texts flying around that I 1) didn’t get ahead of and 2) was late to the convo on but even by the time I got onto it all the messages were “they all look great” “oh I just can’t choose” “you choose we can’t!” and I just get to it and see this has been going on/off 6 hours with no decision and say “X would be my pick” and every quickly agrees to it.

Idk if it’s a men vs women thing or me specifically, but I just like to have a bias for action and make quick decisions with efficiency in communication. I think saying that briefly online in a comment probably makes sound like a bossy jerk but there’s a lot of nuance and skill to hone with this style of communication that is more difficult to elaborate on here, but the key is doing it without rubbing people the wrong way.

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#282
post #266

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes you’re the boss and no one can take that away from you. You must have worked very hard to get there if you’re blocking your team from taking initiative and making independent contributions to the organization. Based on this attitude I’d assume you suffer from an extreme inability to delegate and are going to be stuck in whatever direct supervisor position you’re in for the remainder of your career. If I showed in…

> If I showed initiative like this It is not initiative. It is manipulation That is poison in any organisation

Ohhhh, riiiiight, you're one of those bosses that project their weakness and paranoia onto the people that work for them to tear down subordinates and stay on top.

Thanks for confirming your impotence as a leader and your inability to delegate.

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#285

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree and that’s how I often get things greenlit. Pro tip: have a quick conversation with a manager and have them make a decision on a $noncriticaldetail before the announcement.

And for some managers you really need to make it obvious what $noncriticaldetail is so they don't change something important: https://museumjorn.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/48s-1.jpg

So yes, in this example - add a tower to the house and paint it like a sugar cane.

Re: Ask for no, don't ask for yes (2022)

#286

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am also wondering this , how can we do this without being confrontational and also not being too wordy that you lose interest

“After looking at all the options I think XYZ is the best path forward. Our team will implement that on June 3rd. If anyone has any concerns about this approach, please reach out before then. Thanks!”

This is crazy good , thanks a lot
Post reply on HN