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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#271

Post by wchesley »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Thank you, for all 3 blog posts. My wife and I experienced a still birth after a tragic cord accident on Dec 24th, two weeks from our due date. Your words have helped me bring some clarity and comfort to my situation. Thank you.

Re: Losing my son

#272

Post by ParallelThread »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

I have nothing useful to offer you other than my heartfelt tears and my sorrow. Your writing moved me in a way I cannot explain. God bless you and your family.

Re: Losing my son

#274

Post by 77pt77 »

stef25 wrote: post #180
seoulmetro wrote: post #59

[flagged]

> The best thing to do with trauma as a kid is to let it go. Makes it sound like you have a choice. If you could let go it wouldn't be trauma ? A psych I saw told me to "just stop thinking about it" when I told her about my problems. Bitch I'm here for sole reason that I can't stop thinking about it. "Just do x" is non advice.

And people continue to buy into these scam professions.

At least she didn't do anything to compound on your problems.

Consider yourself lucky.

Re: Losing my son

#275

Post by jcutrell »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

I have had a stressful, difficult week. Work is volatile right now, and it's taken a toll on my mental health.

Your story took me entirely out of that state, and your words regarding joy and optimism... reframing unimaginable to unfathomable, in particular... have both lifted me and left me with a feeling of unquenchable desire to help.

Thank you for sharing your story, and for being so deeply authentic throughout.

Re: Losing my son

#276

Post by 77pt77 »

pattesseriedude wrote: post #252
stef25 wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The best thing to do with trauma as a kid is to let it go. Makes it sound like you have a choice. If you could let go it wouldn't be trauma ? A psych I saw told me to "just stop thinking about it" when I told her about my problems. Bitch I'm here for sole reason that I can't stop thinking about it. "Just do x" is non advice.

I’m sorry you had to go through that. I would like to advice that finding the right therapist takes time but don’t give up on finding one. My last psych laughed at me while I was trying to open up about the trauma and tell him about it in more detail. Some people don’t deserve to be therapists and are probably doing more harm than good to the society. He came as most recommended btw in my city. Luckily I was able to…

> My last psych laughed at me while I was trying to open up about the trauma

Did he still get payed?

Because I would laugh at his invoice.

Re: Losing my son

#277

Post by 77pt77 »

dartharva wrote: post #150
WizardClickBoy wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Telling victims of trauma that they are "allowing something external to defeat you daily" comes perilously close to blaming the victim, doesn't it?

But.. what else can you even say? The alternative is remaining in misery for the rest of your life. And internalising your pain into a characteristic of your personality is among the worst ways to process it.

> But.. what else can you even say?

The truth. That there is and never will be any solution.

Re: Losing my son

#278

Post by mlrtime »

larsiusprime wrote: post #235
mlrtime wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn't it hard to do though? I fear I may be a monster for thinking this, but is the pain of the son and yourself worth it? Meaning, is all this being done for some hope that the miracle pulls through? What if you knew with absolute certainty there was no recover and no brain activity, only pain. So this is hard if you have a choice, what is the right choice?

In case it helps — I actually have no expectation and hope of a miracle. Having my hopes absolutely crushed is what gets me through the day. The fear and uncertainty of having something to lose was and is far worse (to me) than the grinding daily commitment to meet his needs. Maybe a miracle will happen one day but I have no expectation of it. I expect him to stay in that bed for years until he dies.

I see, thank you for the clarification and sharing. I don't think I could do what you're doing. That is what I mean by choice.

I'm holding my 6 week baby boy right now as he sleeps. It is painful just to read your story, but also humanizing and helpful in a way.

As someone who is very risk averse I wonder if using certain philosophies can help hedge against this kind of pain. But then it might have it's own consequences. I've used this in the past with partners (visualizing them leaving) but I'm not sure it would work here.

Is it possible to love your son so much but not feel an equal amount of pain with loss.

Re: Losing my son

#279

Post by mlrtime »

paradox242 wrote: post #232
mlrtime wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn't it hard to do though? I fear I may be a monster for thinking this, but is the pain of the son and yourself worth it? Meaning, is all this being done for some hope that the miracle pulls through? What if you knew with absolute certainty there was no recover and no brain activity, only pain. So this is hard if you have a choice, what is the right choice?

Do you think he has not already turned this question over in his mind for many agonizing hours?

I think he has thought about this question and 1000's of other scenarios that we will never know.

I write "you" figuratively, interchangeably as "one" or "oneself". I don't expect a reply. I'm asking for others sake or just simply to put my own thoughts down.

Re: Losing my son

#280

Post by khaledh »

don_neufeld wrote: post #226
khaledh wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My son has a severe intellectual disability, he's non verbal, still wears diapers (age 12), and requires assistance in almost every aspect of his life. I still remember the day we received his diagnosis 9 years ago. The word "devastating" can only describe a small part of what we felt. Today, I consider him a gift from God. He made everything fall into perspective. His purity and unconditional love brings us tremendo…

My son turned 18 this week, and his condition is similar, with additional physical limitations (severe CP via PVL) Parenting him has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but there have also been moments of joy. Hang in there, take care of yourself, and get as much help as you can. Being a carer is a huge job. I wrote a little here: https://x.com/dnf/status/1746775939961528693?s=20

What a beautiful young man <3 God bless him. Thank you. I know there are many parents out there going through the same circumstances. It's always heartwarming to see this kind of solidarity and support. It does help.
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