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Never waste a midlife crisis

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#271

Post by TeMPOraL »

BaseballPhysics wrote: post #88
OO000oo wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

38 yo male now starting to think I don’t know what a midlife crisis is.

IMO the term is so diluted as to be meaningless. Burnout isn't a mid-life crisis. Changing your career doesn't necessarily mean you're having a mid-life crisis. Changing your personal circumstances doesn't necessarily imply a midlife crisis. Every definition I know of includes a sense of existential angst, a feeling of regret, of lost potential, of questioning identity, of a fear of mortality. But simply realizing yo…

> Every definition I know of includes a sense of existential angst, a feeling of regret, of lost potential, of questioning identity, of a fear of mortality.

Oh, then that one started for me around 30. I've successfully managed to bottle up those thoughts for now, which is probably why I'm facing a mother of all burnouts right now.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#272

Post by TeMPOraL »

defrost wrote: post #257
morsch wrote: post #254

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People drawn to fighting fires are stereotypically brave, but they are also stereotypically arsonists themselves. The worst people to call when you notice a fire is the fire brigade. They'll just spread more fire! Evidence: they're admitting to burning undergrowth to stop wildfires. "Fighting fire with fire", these people are nuts! Plus - firefighters: stereotypically buff and desirable. You'll lose your house and yo…

Admirable take, but one with mixed and uncertain results; I am ashes where once I was fire, And the bard in my bosom is dead To The Countess of Blessington ~ Mad, bad, & dangerous aka George Gordon, Lord Byron

You have to do your own due diligence here. Prefer poets whose words flow like a stream; avoid those known to set the hearts of their readers ablaze.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#273

Post by silisili »

Dalewyn wrote: post #217
pedrosorio wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Middle age is generally not defined as 50% of your life expectancy: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_age

Speaking as a guy in his mid 30s referring to that article, yeah I'm middle aged. Physical? I can feel and am acutely aware I just can't do what I could 20 or even 10 years ago. No more all-nighters for me, my body just can't take it. No more high speed action games for me, my body just can't respond fast enough. Mental? My memory is noticably declining, and my ability to learn new things is significantly deteriorate…

This hits hard. In my 20s I was athletic, smart, and ran like a gazelle. Between my general inactivity and irregular heartbeat in my late 30s, I could probably run a hundred yards before collapsing. It's sad, because I often have dreams of running fast without getting winded, to this day.

I get frustrated nearly daily at my mental decline. I was always a math wiz who could basically do up to precalc in my head. Today, I have trouble carrying numbers doing basic long multiplication. Worse, I have trouble finding the words I'm looking for when writing.

Autumn feels optimistic. I don't know what the future holds, and maybe I'm being dramatic, but it feels like Winter. I feel like my body and mind greatly betrayed me in my 30s.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#274

Post by Vayl »

sph wrote: post #27

Good advice, from a 36 year old middle aged man 3 years into a midlife crisis after a massive work-related burnout event. A couple more pieces of advice from me: * A midlife crisis has its own glacial pace. Be prepared to be upside down for a long time. * Be prepared not to be the same person you were before. Be prepared to learn there is no turning back. * If you're in a midlife crisis, your previous life was simply…

Literally as if I'm reading about my own life. Being the same age doesn't help :) Well put.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#275

Post by zo1 »

weregiraffe wrote: post #176
ctrlp wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a coincidence. It's significantly more common in the profession[0]. They get divorced at a higher rate, and they recommend divorce to their clients. Therapists and psychiatrists are massively responsible for the divorce rates among boomers (the first widespread consumers of these services). Their children apparently learned nothing and are rushing headlong into the same therapy-culture that destroyed so many of t…

You are saying it like divorce is a bad thing.

It isn't bad if you are in an objectively bad marriage ofc. But if you're in a marriage that "can be worked out" then yeah it's a bad thing, for the kids especially. There is definitely something to be said about making things work because there is no easy "out" called divorce.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#276

Post by yieldcrv »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #23

Midlife crisis needs to be split into the "responsible for kids" and "not" categories. The "not" people can do wilder/riskier things, although I suspect on average they don't since fear of things massively outweighs "can you actually do it" factors. Probably the paper boxes we build are smaller than the metal ones outside of them.

Agreed because its not a “midlife crisis” when you’re single, in a trendy area and financially stable, doing something cool.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#277

Post by kekebo »

manmal wrote: post #251

The stereotypical concept of the big singular midlife crisis has been debunked. Crises occur in every age span, and they are highly individual. I agree though that a crisis should never be wasted.

Can you recommend a source re:debunking?

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#278

Post by Gareth321 »

silisili wrote: post #273
Dalewyn wrote: post #217

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Speaking as a guy in his mid 30s referring to that article, yeah I'm middle aged. Physical? I can feel and am acutely aware I just can't do what I could 20 or even 10 years ago. No more all-nighters for me, my body just can't take it. No more high speed action games for me, my body just can't respond fast enough. Mental? My memory is noticably declining, and my ability to learn new things is significantly deteriorate…

This hits hard. In my 20s I was athletic, smart, and ran like a gazelle. Between my general inactivity and irregular heartbeat in my late 30s, I could probably run a hundred yards before collapsing. It's sad, because I often have dreams of running fast without getting winded, to this day. I get frustrated nearly daily at my mental decline. I was always a math wiz who could basically do up to precalc in my head. Today…

I’m right there with you. I feel a bit paranoid because I can feel the decline in real time. It’s just little things, but they add up. The advice is, “this is just getting older.” Perhaps true, but I don’t like it.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#279

Post by vasco »

morsch wrote: post #242
ctrlp wrote: post #225

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, those specialties at least have the benefit of medical science behind them but even so I wouldn't go to any of those specialists for mental health advice. Why are surgeons stereotypically arrogant and lacking in bedside manner? Is it, as you say, because they see death and disease every day? Do they cope by dehumanizing people? Or are the naturally that way and so well-suited to the profession? Worth asking.

> I wouldn't go to any of those specialists for mental health advice. Or medical advice! Only damaged people would chose those professions. They are surrounded by death and injury. Are they killers? Will they kill you? These are questions you should ask yourself if you notice a skin abnormality.

That's not what they said. You can disagree without pretending they said more than what they did.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#280

Post by htamas »

dmje wrote: post #233

My midlife crisis at 40 was more like a midlife epiphany. We moved from a perfectly good and totally beautiful city (Bath, UK) into the arse end of nowhere in Devon to live in a shack in the woods with no running water and to be near the sea. We went with two small (8 and 5) kids (responding to those here saying it's not possible - it is!) and downsized from a busy city life to a quiet rural one. Our intention was to…

Can I ask what are you and your wife working with now?
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