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Never waste a midlife crisis

austinkleon.com

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Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#221

Post by Dalewyn »

coel wrote: post #203
andsoitis wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis

"Studies indicate that some cultures may be more sensitive to this phenomenon than others; one study found that there is little evidence that people undergo midlife crises in Japanese and Indian cultures, raising the question of whether a mid-life crisis is mainly a cultural construct." I thought this was interesting.

Japanese salarymen often undergo a crisis when they retire and suddenly find themselves with tons of time and nothing to do. Not exactly midlife, but it's of a similar vein.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#222

Post by selestify »

jodacola wrote: post #127

I turned 40 last year, shortly after “making it” to my career goal: CTO of a hyper-growth start-up. Shortly after my birthday, my daughter, who had just started middle school, was hospitalized because she was suicidal. What I believe has been a midlife crisis exploded with such tremendous force, I thought I was losing my mind. Thank goodness for good therapy, which I immediately sought. This is the most profound reco…

That sounds incredible, thanks for sharing! Do you have any advice on connecting to yourself and living that connection?

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#223

Post by Aeolun »

tayo42 wrote: post #175
sph wrote: post #52

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It was being a little cheeky. And if a massive burnout whose first month was having daily panic attacks and 3 years to recover is garden variety, I am afraid to know what a serious one entails ;) Depression was part of the baggage I was carrying around all my life. It's hard to say, given the state of things, but perhaps depression is one thing I was lucky to shed during this phase.

What exactly is a panic attack? Like your just watching TV and suddenly convinced you'll die? Or was it like at work, something woukd happen and you freak out?

The “I’m going to die” variety of panic attack is only one of many. Other people have them when driving on the highway, just stepping outside their door or meeting too many people at the same time.

There’s generally a more direct trigger than watching TV, but sure, see the wrong show, think the slightly wrong thought, notice that little bulge on the left side of your big toe when you’ve propped them up on the table. Take a few more cycles of things you worry about and you’re well and truly in the middle of a panic attack (which is as described in another comment).

The nasty part is that it’s hard to recognize as such when you’re in the middle of it.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#224

Post by Dalewyn »

heyoni wrote: post #147
Clubber wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It means you'll never be 18 or 23 or 30 or 35 again. The youth that you took for granted is gone forever and time will march with you until your death. Death may be maybe be 2 years from now or 40 years from now, fully knowing that you body will start failing. Even if you have 40 years, not all of them will be good years, especially the last ones. Once you are gone, that's it, all the time you spent improving yoursel…

So, not for naught? Seriously, we’re social creatures that live for others. You can have 40 good years serving the next generation, building wealth for them and sharing in their joys. I’m sensing this strange notion in older generations where they absolutely refuse to let go and insist on keeping their youth and the spotlight to no or some avail. Technology is getting better and making people hold on for longer but I…

>Seriously, we’re social creatures that live for others. You can have 40 good years serving the next generation, building wealth for them and sharing in their joys.

Speak for yourself; I sincerely have no interest in deliberately serving humanity. We're by far the dumbest and most conceited lifeform on this planet, and even ignoring that I find serious interactions with humans to be an utter hellscape of drama and problems I can and will do without.

When I'm gone, that's it. My blood ends with me. I refuse to leave a legacy behind. If there's anything left, whoever is there to witness can pick it all apart as they please. I don't care because I'm dead, after all.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#225

Post by ctrlp »

morsch wrote: post #209
ctrlp wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If they are performing according to the profession's own standards, then they spend their working days involved in other people's problems, delusions, traumas, grievances, morbidities, obsessions, suicides, etc, (not to mention various mental disorders). This probably accounts for high rates of burnout among them. But, ask yourself, what about the ones who don't burn out? What is it about them that allows them to do…

By the same token, avoid seeing oncologists, EMTs, many kinds of surgeons. These people see death every day, ask yourself why: they must have a sick fascination with it. Or they stopped caring. Is that something you want in someone caring for you?

Well, those specialties at least have the benefit of medical science behind them but even so I wouldn't go to any of those specialists for mental health advice. Why are surgeons stereotypically arrogant and lacking in bedside manner? Is it, as you say, because they see death and disease every day? Do they cope by dehumanizing people? Or are the naturally that way and so well-suited to the profession? Worth asking.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#226

Post by ctrlp »

dotnet00 wrote: post #195
ctrlp wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If they are performing according to the profession's own standards, then they spend their working days involved in other people's problems, delusions, traumas, grievances, morbidities, obsessions, suicides, etc, (not to mention various mental disorders). This probably accounts for high rates of burnout among them. But, ask yourself, what about the ones who don't burn out? What is it about them that allows them to do…

It can be as simple as them having found coping mechanisms or support systems that work for them. No need to invoke weird conspiracies about them being mentally ill.

I'm not invoking conspiracies about them being mentally ill. I'm suggesting it as characteristic of the type that they are messed up. That's not a conspiracy, any more than saying that people drawn to fighting forest fires are brave or parachute instructors have a high risk tolerance.

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#227

Post by oefnak »

coel wrote: post #203
andsoitis wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midlife_crisis

"Studies indicate that some cultures may be more sensitive to this phenomenon than others; one study found that there is little evidence that people undergo midlife crises in Japanese and Indian cultures, raising the question of whether a mid-life crisis is mainly a cultural construct." I thought this was interesting.

You might like this article about penis stealing witches:

https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-the-geogra...

And this one:

https://astralcodexten.substack.com/p/book-review-crazy-like...

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#229

Post by pjerem »

Aeolun wrote: post #223
tayo42 wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What exactly is a panic attack? Like your just watching TV and suddenly convinced you'll die? Or was it like at work, something woukd happen and you freak out?

The “I’m going to die” variety of panic attack is only one of many. Other people have them when driving on the highway, just stepping outside their door or meeting too many people at the same time. There’s generally a more direct trigger than watching TV, but sure, see the wrong show, think the slightly wrong thought, notice that little bulge on the left side of your big toe when you’ve propped them up on the table.…

> The nasty part is that it’s hard to recognize as such when you’re in the middle of it.

Oh yes. The first time it happened to me, I asked my wife to drive me to the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack.

Turns out it wasn’t and the doc reassured me by saying me that half the heart attack suspicions they got in emergencies were in fact panic attacks. So it’s something as common as it is frightening.

It happened a second time but I finally managed to recognize what it was. This one was really random, I was effectively just watching TV ^^

Re: Never waste a midlife crisis

#230

Post by lentil_soup »

austinl wrote: post #133
jodacola wrote: post #127

I turned 40 last year, shortly after “making it” to my career goal: CTO of a hyper-growth start-up. Shortly after my birthday, my daughter, who had just started middle school, was hospitalized because she was suicidal. What I believe has been a midlife crisis exploded with such tremendous force, I thought I was losing my mind. Thank goodness for good therapy, which I immediately sought. This is the most profound reco…

If you don't mind sharing, where did you find a therapist, and what is their background? It seems like there is such a wide range of options, and I'm a bit hesitant about the online platforms.

Not OP but I had the same problem as you, too many options. My advice is to just pick one and try it, you'll have a much better understanding of what you need/want after you've talked to one. If they don't give you a good feeling, you pick another one
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