Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#271

Post by 015a » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:34 PM UTC

There's a lot of very serious ones in here; I'm going to opt for something a bit lighter: I regret not being more diligent in money management throughout university and after graduation.

Working a ton, but not saving. Not investing. Living downtown for too many years. Going out to restaurants and bars multiple times a week. Buying a new iPhone every year. Not optimizing the career path for income (or, anything really). Never really going into debt beyond a (cheap) car payment, so it could be worse, but also not seeing personal capital grow.

Now, I'm hitting the stage where I feel this pull to try an independent venture; and maybe even leave the software industry. But I don't know how to do it financially. Its not just the runway in my bank account which could be measured in months; its the lifestyle.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#272

Post by tenebrisalietum » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:36 PM UTC

starkd wrote: post #250

MrDresden wrote: post #100

My father was a alcoholic, who had long stretches of staying sober before always falling of the wagon again. After he had been on a particularly long bender, which finally caused my mother to divorce him, me and him had a verbal fight where I decided I would not have more to do with him until he would seek the help we knew he needed (and we had been offering him for so long). I'll add that he was a moody drunk, never…

Think of it this way: your experience with your father is probably what kept you away from alcohol. It's a very common pattern. BTW, I realize "falling off the wagon" means going on a bender, but shouldn't it really be the other way around? I mean, if you go on a bender, that's like getting on the wagon. I always picture this wagon with everyone drinking in the wagon. Because no one who drinking's drinking wants to w…

The term appears to be very old--originally referring to water carts. Those "on" the wagon would be drinking water.

https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/fall_off_the_wagon

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#273

Post by Orzelius » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:37 PM UTC

jugg1es wrote: post #139

While at a house party during summer break while in college, my summer-time girlfriend and a girl I had dated in high school started making out and I was so surprised about it that I missed an opportunity for a threesome. I later talked about it with them and they admitted that they were thinking about it and would have done it if I had suggested it. Can't tell you how many times I've regretted not acting that night.

love this one

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#274

Post by sgt101 » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:37 PM UTC

smeej wrote: post #200

In 2017, I finally--courageously, in my opinion at the time--decided not to subject myself to my dad at Christmastime and bailed on a trip to see family for Christmas. Only a few days after Christmas, my sister, who was 8 months pregnant, died very suddenly and with no warning. I missed my last chance to see her alive, and I wound up spending a month staying with my parents anyway immediately after that, trying to he…

I am so sorry. I hope you can take a lot of comfort that even with hindsight you feel that your decision was the best one that you could have made. I imagine your sister would have agreed and would have understood.

We never know the storms we are about to sail into.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#275

Post by gadders » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:38 PM UTC

Not spending more time my parents and grandparents when they were older.

You get busy with your own life and they never made me feel guilty for not visiting, but this is something that would have benefited me as much as them. I could have done better.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#276

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:41 PM UTC

oldsklgdfth wrote: post #262

I've got a whiteboard on my wall with phrases I want to internalize and maybe turn into mantras. One of them is: "Guilt and regret kill many a man before their time." I regret many things in life. If I could go back I would do things very differently. I would be kinder. More hard working. Humble. Have integrity. Uplift the people around me. Explore the world. It's very depressing when I look at my life that way. So I…

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Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#277

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:42 PM UTC

pc86 wrote: post #261

I'm torn on this. My life is pretty great. Well paid, leaving a job I hate for a job I think I will love in the next few weeks, loving family. Things would be drastically different if not for the path I actually took, but still. I'm a developer, and a decent one - not FAANG level by any means, but decent. But, my degree is from a school nobody's ever heard of, in an unrelated humanities subject, with a horrendous, ba…

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Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#278

Post by Oneiros512 » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:42 PM UTC

DontchaKnowit wrote: post #179

Always had an obsessive personality. Raised Christian. Always had a bent for pushing boundaries. Got interested in the nuerochemistry of psychoactive substances. Got very involved in educating myself about drug usage, until I was finally comfortable trying them. Queue ~6 years of polysubstance abuse, wasted money, and fake ass friends. Did everything under the sun I could get my hands on. I think the list of unique d…

Regarding social skills, I feel like I can relate to how you describe your situation. I was extremely socially anxious when I was younger and basically avoided any social interactions I could. Throughout highschool and college I never had any friends to speak of or dated. I mostly shut myself away with video games and other solitary interests.

I moved to a new city away from my family when I was 27 and that was when I finally pushed myself to start changing things as the loneliness really hit me. I started going to meetup events and work lunches with people. I started reading up on social skills and trying my hand at dating. Roughly 5 years since then I've actually done pretty well for myself, made some good friends, had some good experiences with dating, and I'm rather happy with how things have shaped out. I'm still kind of awkward socially but gotten more comfortable with putting myself out there anyway and found that a lot of people don't really mind.

Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#279

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:44 PM UTC

CSMastermind wrote: post #266

I dated a girl in college, and we were deeply in love. So much so that we got engaged. The one problem was that her family didn't approve of her dating me because of my race. She had initially been hesitant to introduce me to them, but I had insisted that she do it. When they threatened to disown her if she married me, she said that we should just do it and live our lives together. But I was too much of a coward to f…

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Re: Ask HN: What's Your Biggest Regret?

#280

Post by kludgemaker » Fri, Oct 07, 2022, 2:44 PM UTC

I regret hearing the lies spoken during sex education when I was in fifth grade in 1987. The public school I was forced to attend brought in a sociologist to do the damage. She told us that we had to release our libido energy regularly - either by having sexual relations with another person or by masturbation, and that this was okay and healthy. Self control and abstinence were presented as being unrealistic.

This provided me with moral license from an expert (and indirectly from my parents, who had to sign the permission form to attend the lecture). One thing led to another, and it undoubtedly resulted in addiction; the endorphins and oxytocin produced by the human body and released during orgasm are worse than heroin. Bad habits form easily, and it's scary when you can't stop doing something that you believed would be just an experiment at age ten. The shame / guilt was hell.

If I could change anything anything about my past it would be to erase the immersion into that addiction at such an early, formative age. All other attachments of spirit have been easy to deal with - this one has not.