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Tech my dad banned in our house when I was a kid

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Re: Tech my dad banned in our house when I was a kid

#271

Post by boneitis »

acituan wrote: post #265
boneitis wrote: post #261

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hmm. So, on the opposite end from the extremities of ostracism and abandonment, what are some ways that shame can be legitimately utilized in more minimal manner, in your view?

I’ve just enumerated the use cases. For them, a simple “That is not appropriate” or “Imagine what would others think of you” would be examples to shame based instruction. It is perfectly OK to invoke the fear of a loss in social connection if certain rules are broken, that is one of the ways we maintain social cohesion as desiring, driven, id-possesing beings. In contrast, toxic shame is using this machinery willy ni…

Oh, interesting!

We certainly see eye to eye far more than I'd initially thought, regarding actual methods in practice.

I generally like to label such actions as something more like "providing immediate/direct feedback" over light shame and, re: "what would others think of you," I might rather try to frame as something like serving to one's convenience in future interactions.

Thanks.

Re: Tech my dad banned in our house when I was a kid

#272

Post by acituan »

boneitis wrote: post #271
acituan wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’ve just enumerated the use cases. For them, a simple “That is not appropriate” or “Imagine what would others think of you” would be examples to shame based instruction. It is perfectly OK to invoke the fear of a loss in social connection if certain rules are broken, that is one of the ways we maintain social cohesion as desiring, driven, id-possesing beings. In contrast, toxic shame is using this machinery willy ni…

Oh, interesting! We certainly see eye to eye far more than I'd initially thought, regarding actual methods in practice. I generally like to label such actions as something more like "providing immediate/direct feedback" over light shame and, re: "what would others think of you," I might rather try to frame as something like serving to one's convenience in future interactions. Thanks.

Thanks for your kindly inquiry to clarify it. Indeed shame been excessively associated with its shadow side because that is how we have been using it, while even those light versions could feel distressing enough for particularly sensitive kids.

I really like this anecdote about shame: “In the 1990s I led a workshop in South Africa, soon after the Truth and Reconciliation Comission had started. After the workshop someone ... opened up about their experience working with one of the country’s tribes and how the tribe dealt with shame. When someone did something wrong the entire tribe would all gather, circling around this person ... telling them over and over again all the things they’ve done right, all the wonderful qualities about them, all the good things that they are. The tribe would provide a counter-point to the inner shame of doing something wrong, by holding up a mirror of who that person “really” is. Not implying that they hadn’t done wrong, but rather mirroring back their true nature”. From Attachment-Based Yoga & Meditation for Trauma Recovery, D. Fey, pg. 57.

Re: Tech my dad banned in our house when I was a kid

#273

Post by WWLink »

endgame wrote: post #105
cowmix wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know all about this PC Master Race stuff. Basically, I wanted my kids to have to maintain, build a system to play games. When my kids were young Minecraft JUST came out. They both learned A LOT about modding early. If they were stuck on consoles they probably would have missed out on all that.

Consoles are consumption devices. PCs are creation devices.

PCs also make fantastic consumption devices! The games are usually cheaper, there's a much bigger variety, you can get all kinds of stuff from all sorts of countries, and even 30 year old stuff still runs on Windows lol.

Re: Tech my dad banned in our house when I was a kid

#275

Post by wayneftw »

noman-land wrote: post #266
wayneftw wrote: post #254

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're comparing the civil war to people texting each other on social media. Nobody has ever gone to actual war over personal opinions about cars, phones or computers.

People routinely destroy cities when sports teams win or lose. Get in brawls because someone is wearing the wrong color. The list goes on. Of course it's not the same, but the kernel of otherizing remains.

OK, but nobody has ever destroyed a city over opinions about technology, among many, many other things that people argue about online such as favorite celebrity, music, cars, etc.

Just because you can cherry pick a couple of examples of people destroying things over their opinions, that doesn’t mean anybody’s going to actual war and it doesn’t mean that having opinions or even arguing about them is bad in general. It’s human nature.

I get the point though - being less opinionated can be good and if you find that you’re better without them then I support that. I have sometimes wished to go live on an island or in a cave myself, to escape the constant culture war but instead I just turn off my Internet devices. Most days I just wade through it to find the stuff I agree with.

Re: Tech my dad banned in our house when I was a kid

#276

Post by tjr225 »

ACow_Adonis wrote: post #160
tjr225 wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can’t seriously compare the internet of even 10 years ago to the internet of today. You can go to reddit right now and find a video of some right wing whacko shooting someone to death on the front page. That content was available then, sure. It wasn’t blasted right at you though.

Errr, i mean, that's basically what shock sites/links were. It was basically literally blasted right at you and people trolled by getting them to click on it/expose people to it involuntarily whether you were looking for it or not. I'd name several of with their 'canonical names' off the top of my head if i didn't want to get banned...

I tried to explain this in another comment; you don’t have to go to shock sites to see this anymore.

In a main feed on Twitter Instagram or reddit you might see someone getting the pulp beaten out of them.

Re: Tech my dad banned in our house when I was a kid

#277

Post by tjr225 »

Barrin92 wrote: post #176
tjr225 wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can’t seriously compare the internet of even 10 years ago to the internet of today. You can go to reddit right now and find a video of some right wing whacko shooting someone to death on the front page. That content was available then, sure. It wasn’t blasted right at you though.

>You can go to reddit right now and find a video of some right wing whacko shooting someone to death on the front page. when I was growing up it wasn't just right-wing whackos glorying violence, it was Bill Gates himself dressed up in a trench coat advocating to 'clean up the neighbourhood' https://youtu.be/KN0K58EfJSg?t=120 You may be underestimating the weirdness of the internet and the culture around it in the 90s…

You can’t seriously compare that video to a video of an actual person beating up another person?

Re: Tech my dad banned in our house when I was a kid

#278

Post by CyberRabbi »

aaomidi wrote: post #204
seattle_spring wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I honestly feel really terrible for your kids if this is how you teach them about the world outside your front door.

Yep. And honestly the parents that jump towards this have always been the ones that give me weird vibes. It's like in the process of protecting their kids from pedophiles they sedualize everything about their kids.

The feeling is mutual
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